#jockpranks

Bruv. Oi, bruv. Listen up. Dis one’s bare peak, innit?

Was just out dere on da block, flexin’ outside dat lit juice bar, vest off, glistenin’ in da sun lyk a fukin golden god. Got da tunes pumpin’ from me speaker—Grime Mode Flex II, ya get me—body propa oiled, abs showin’, glintin’ wiv every fukin’ breath. Felt like royalty, innit. Headphones in, doin’ some mirror posing against da window, just so da normies inside know what real looks like.

Den dis stiff-ass copper rolls up—some bald buzzkill wiv da jawline of a pencil sharpener. Eyebrows tighter than my joggers.

“Sir, you’re causing a public disturbance. Turn off the speaker and stop… posing.”

Oi, I nearly burst, innit.

I just tilt ma head, lift me sunnies down, real slow, and go,

“Bruv… iz April Foolz week. You allergic to vibes or summat?”

He don’t laugh. Peak. Starts readin’ me some rulebook 'bout ‘intimidatin’ body language’ n ‘disorderly display of muscles.’ Said I called him “a civilian beta.” (Which I did. Lyk, propa accurate tho.)

So I go, “Bet you can’t even catch a gold lad if he ran.” And man started chasin’. Oi, I was gassed.

I bolt, not full speed—nah, I give him da show, innit. Turnin’ da corners all slippery, bouncin’ off walls, pants low, vest open, laugh echoing all down da alley. Proper golden smoke trail. Datz when Xavier pops outta nowhere—hood up, lookin’ like da dumbest golden gremlin.

“Oii, Maxxyyyy! Da door’s ready, bruv!”

I wink, “Set da trap, mate. Got a fish on da line.”

He slaps da side door open—it’s hangin’ half-off da hinges, bucket above propped up wiv a plank, and inside da frame, we rigged da lights n audio. Bare effort. Xavier even wrote “NOT A TRAP” on da wall in glitter marker. Genius ting.

I dash through da door, slide across da floor like I’m starin’ in me own music vid. “Through ‘ere, officer!” I shout, all breathy n dramatic. “I’m surrenderin’, bruv!”

Copper barrels in.

CLANG.

SPLASH.

Gold everywhere, bruv. Confetti explodin’ like we launched a fukin’ glitter rocket. He stands dere like a statue for a sec, arms out, brows frownin’… until da powder starts sinkin’ in.

“Wh… what the... what is this?!”

Xavier hits da button—music starts blastin’ on da inside speakers, loopin’:

“You feel it... You want it... Bro up. Gold down. Vest on. Thoughts off.”

Me n Xavier peek round da side, gigglin’ like schoolkids, watchin’ da copper tryin’ to wipe glitter off—but it just keeps meltin’ into his clothes. Navy turns glossy. Buttons start poppin’. Boots turn to glimmerin’ gold kicks. His baton straight up fuses into a gold vape pen.

Voice starts changin’.

“Wha… what da fuk... dis feelz... good? Lyk, propa good… innit?”

He grabs his shirt collar—rips it open, lets da vest puff into place all by itself. Gold chain slaps on his neck like a magnet, nose flarin’ as he lets out this deep bro grunt.

“Fuk me, I’m glowin’, bruv…”

Eyes shimmerin’. Hair fades into dat clean sharp chav fade. Cap appears, twisted back. Smile’s dumb. Cheekbones poppin’. Mind? Gone.

He flexes in da mirror—“Lyk, hel yeah... dis iz a mad ting, fam!”

I swagger up to ‘im, arms crossed, smirkin’ so wide I nearly bite me own lip.

“April Foolz, mate. Ya just got chaved.”

He don’t even care. He just grins at his reflection, rubbin’ his new gold vest.

“Can I get dat track on me phone, bruv?”

Xavier dies laughin’. We hand him a golden vape. “First hit’s always free, bro.”

Now he's flexin’ down da alley wit us, singin’ da loop.

“Gold down. Vest on. Thoughts off.”

Lyk, fukin’ classic, innit.

Best April Foolz we ever pulled.

Wanna go tag some more doors now. Might do da same to da pizza guy next.

(thanks to @polo-drone-039 for agreeing to be my crime partner on dat)

_______________

(The previous day)

Nowadays - April 2nd, 2025 – Morning

The Hive awakens in an unusual state of turmoil. As always, @polo-drone-073 is the first to complete its recharge cycle. With a steady pace, it moves down the Hive's main corridor leading to the supply room. At the end of the corridor, it spots a figure on the ground—some drone needs assistance. It’s PDU-039, in a semi-conscious, confused state.

He is wearing improper clothing for a drone—this is not like him!

073 shakes him. He stirs. "PDU-039, restore system functionality." 039: "System operational. Errors detected. Recharge cycle incomplete. Multiple interruptions detected—last 12 hours of memory compromised."

Beside 039’s body lies a black leather bracelet. A clue. PDU-073 has no doubts—the Hive's security has been breached.

"PDU-039, can you walk?" "Affirmative." "We need to patrol the area. First, let’s go to the control room—we’ll know more once we review the security footage."

CONTROL ROOM

039 and 073 stand before the monitor.

"Play the last 12 hours of recordings." 073 activates voice command

The drones carefully watch the first few minutes of footage when suddenly, a shadow descends from an abandoned service duct, moving stealthily towards the Data Room.

039: "Pause!"

The still frame leaves no room for doubt—a golden jersey, the number 45.

"@isaac-gold-45!!"

"That damn boy," 039 exclaims. "What the hell did he do?!"

073 remains motionless. His voice is firm. "The boy has seen too much. We need to take action. 039, any suggestions?"

The situation is serious. 039 must do what needs to be done. He is a drone, and the Hive comes first. He cannot allow the Hive to be further compromised.

039 speaks the words he never wanted to say: "Treatment 039."

A flash of light reflects off 073’s dark visor.

"039, are you sure? That protocol hasn’t been used in years, it’s not safe! It repeats, are you sure you want to proceed?"

"Affirmative. The bro must be treated. The bro has seen too much. The procedure will be carried out tonight."

073: "039, does it need assistance?" 039: "Negative. The bro is 039’s responsibility. 039 will handle it personally."

GOLDEN BAR

(picture by isaac)

Izzy (aka Isaac) is, as always, behind the bar, pouring beers and flashing flirtatious glances at the bros. As usual, they surround him, laughter filling the room, the atmosphere warm and lively.

Across the hall, near the entrance, someone is not celebrating. A massive, dark figure stands still, assessing the situation, waiting in the shadows for the right moment to act.

Izzy heads to the back to restock the beer. 039 follows silently behind him.

Izzy senses his presence and turns around with his usual smile, happy to see him.

"Hey Master, everything okay, Mast…?"

He doesn’t even finish the sentence.

039 grabs him with the arm, his grip is like steel. Without a word, 039 leads him toward the back door.

Izzy immediately senses something is off. 039 has never been much of a talker, but tonight, he's different. Not violent but determined, more resolute than ever.

Izzy struggles, trying to break free, but the drone doesn’t loosen his grip. He keeps walking.

"Master, what are you doing? Let me go!"

039 continues. Izzy's lips were moving, but it hears nothing, isolated in the void of the drone. He has only one objective: Izzy must undergo the treatment.

They walk through the Hive’s corridor. Izzy’s screams grew louder, his voice filled with anguish.

"Let me go! Let me go!"

039: "Izzy has not shown discipline. Izzy will learn discipline. The discipline of the drone. The law of Hive. Izzy will be part of Hive. Izzy will become a Polo-Drone."

"WHAT?? HELP?? 039 has lost it!"

His voice breaks into sobs.

"No! No! I want to stay a Gold Bro!" "You promised to protect me!"

Izzy is now overwhelmed, unable to resist anymore.

THE TREATMENT

The door to the treatment room opens.

At the center of the room, a chair. On the wall, a wide screen.

039 forcefully throws Izzy onto the chair. His head, hands, and legs are strapped down.

"Command 039 - Activate Treatment Protocol ."

The screen lights up. A black and gold spiral casts its glow across the dark room. It starts spinning.

Izzy can do nothing but watch.

He cannot look away.

RELAX RELAX RELAX RELAX RELAX

DISABLING FREE WILL DISABLING FREE WILL DISABLING FREE WILL

THERE IS NO NEED TO WORRY

"Help, help!" Izzy sobs.

039 stands beside him, supervising the procedure impassive.

YOU ARE SAFE FREE WILL AT 90%

YOU ARE SECURE FREE WILL AT 80%

"039, please stop!" His voice grows softer, more submissive.

039 does not move. 039 proceeds.

YOU WILL NOT WORRY FREE WILL AT 60%

"039..." Izzy’s head feels lighter and lighter.

YOU WILL KEEP WATCHING FREE WILL AT 50%

The golden light reflects off Izzy’s glassy eyes.

YOU WILL LISTEN FREE WILL AT 45%

The music invades Izzy’s mind, facing no resistance.

YOU WILL ACCEPT FREE WILL AT 40%

YOU DON'T NEED TO KNOW ANYTHING "Forget the last 24 hours," 039 whispers in his ear.

FREE WILL AT 20%

YOU WILL OBEY FREE WILL AT 10%

YOU WILL DO AS YOU ARE TOLD

REPEAT:

FROM NOW ON "From now on," Izzy repeats mindlessly.

IT IS "It is," Izzy again.

A "a" without resistance.

P "p" monotone.

… …

APRIL FOOLS!!!!!!!!!!!

The spiral stops.

The music cuts out.

The lights turn on.

Izzy shakes his head, as if waking from a deep sleep—dazed, but relaxed. He’s fine.

"Master, what happened? Why am I here?"

He doesn’t remember what happened. He’s a little confused but throws himself into 039’s strong arms, knowing he’ll always find comfort there.

"Now go, little bro. Return to your Gold Bros and behave." 039 stands tall, stoic, unmoving.

073, waiting by the door, watches Izzy leave, then steps into the room.

"You scared the hell out of him! You almost went too far!"

039 nods.

"All under control. He’s more Gold than ever! Doesn’t remember a thing. The Hive is safe once again."

Do you crave 039's treatment?

If you are confident Contact our recruiters: @brodygold , @goldenherc9 or @polo-drone-001.”

BUT IF YOU ARE BRAVE, CLICK THE LINK BELOW

It started with a laugh—"What if we swapped jerseys and polos for the day?" So we did. Golden Bro 046 wore the drone’s polished black polo, while Polo Drone 046 stepped into a reflective golden jersey. Thought it was a joke. But Hive systems didn’t agree. Suddenly, the golden jersey started syncing with Hive frequencies… The rubber polo began pulsing with golden core signals… And in a blur of light and rubber, we both triggered a temporary sync-over. Now there's a golden drone and a rubber bro—identities swapped, minds partially crossed, both trying to walk straight while their suits “recalibrate.”

The prank got out of hand. But no one's complaining. Except maybe the protein shake we laced with glitter.

⚠️ One prank. One mix-up. One golden moment.

They thought it was a joke. A quick jersey swap. A laugh in the locker room. But the energy doesn’t lie. The transformation never stays temporary. Now he’s in rubber. He’s in gold. And neither’s going back.

This April Fool’s, don’t just laugh—transform. Join the Golden Army and discover who you become when the game flips and the gear locks on.

Gold or rubber—either way, you’re not walking out the same.

Isaac knew he wasn’t the brightest tool in the shed. He knew sports and lifting and flirting. Those were things he was best at. He also knew how to get things he wanted, and this time he needed information. More precisely tech info. All the Bros were planning April Fools jokes on each other and he didn’t want to be left out. Flashing his smile and plying the right people with just the right amount of drinks did the trick. The info was highly classified and technical but he thought he’d be able to pull it off.

Isaac had to be quick but he knew this would work. Breaking into the hive base could be risky. Isaac was told what conduit the drones program files were located in and what he needed to do to achieve his desired effect. Once inside though he got lost. Did he make a left or right at the second conduit?  He tried right and after proceeding a little bit he knew he made the right choice. He found the junction box he was looking for. Plugging in the flash drive that a tech Bro had made for him (after quite a few drinks and more then just his smile) he was done and made his quick escape unnoticed.

Once back at home he noticed PDU-039 was his usual stoic self.  How’s your day been going, Sir?” Issac asked “Uneventful” 039 replied. “How was your day, Isaac?” 039 inquired. “Uneventful” Isaac joked. After some small talk Isaac went up to change for dinner. He was feeling like his mission was a failure. While upstairs Isaac thought he heard a radio playing but upon running down he saw his April fools’ joke had worked. 039 program files had been changed to make him think he was Ariana Grande and he was now in costume singing “I feel Pretty” in the middle of the living room. Isaac laughed and laughed. He also took some videos. After a few hours, Isaac got tired and asked 039 about going to bed. 039 replied "I have a big show tour coming up and I need to practice” Isaac gave up and left 039 singing “The boy is mine” as he went up to bed.

Upon awaking Isaac didn’t hear any singing from down stairs. Everything seemed quiet. The Tech Bro he got the flash drive from said the effects would only last for an hour or two before the program would detect the corrupt code and delete it. Isaac figured 039 would be recharged and back to normal.  Upon entering the living room though Isaac was shocked to see 039 dressed in an odd fashion, as Glinda from Wicked. “Isaac, my boy, I am done practicing for the tour but I realized I need to prepare for the “Wicked 2” tour and my Oscar acceptance speech for next year."

Isaac quickly left the house thinking “the Tech Bro did say an hour or two, right? Or was it a day or two? I don’t think he said a week or two???????? And the tech Bro also said this would just effect 039 what if…no It couldn’t…….could it?????

APRIL FOOLS !!!

@polo-drone-039

Captain Brody was always the serious one—golden discipline, golden drills, golden everything. But Scott? Scott was chaos in a golden jersey. The ultimate chav trickster. And today? It was prank war time.

It started at the Golden Stadium locker room. Brody’s prized golden cleats had been replaced with solid blocks of polished gold—literally. The moment he slipped them on, he face-planted in front of the whole squad.

Scott leaned against the wall, chomping gum, golden shorts gleaming, hands behind his head. “Oi, Brody, mate... feelin’ heavy-footed today?”

Brody growled, scrambling up, but the damage was done. Laughter exploded around them, echoing through the tiled chambers.

But that wasn’t the end. Not even close.

Next practice, Brody found his protein shake... glowing. Literally. Scott had dumped a touch of golden glitter gel inside and swapped the label with one that read “Liquid Gold—Bro Transformation Level MAX.”

Brody chugged it anyway. Because of course he did.

By the end of the session, his whole torso sparkled under the sun like a damn disco ball.

Scott filmed the whole thing. “Brody goes full glitter-bro!” he shouted, uploading it with hashtags: #goldenjoke #chavcapstrikes #sparkleboss

Brody didn’t even get mad.

He just smiled.

And that’s when Scott knew.

Revenge would be golden.

PDU-073 had only recently learned about a special function of the Level 2 uniform – an invisibility cloak. No sooner had it discovered them than an idea came to him. April 1 was just around the corner.

Franco (@franco-gold94), like all Golden Bros, lived in a small but cozy apartment on the extensive grounds of the Golden Army. PDU-073 knew exactly that Franco went to train every morning before breakfast. Perfect.

073 lurked silently – invisible to no one – in front of Franco's apartment until he disappeared with his training bag. Now the moment had come. 073 pulled out the master key, slipped through the door and let it fall silently into the lock. Now that it was in the apartment, a mischievous grin of a drone could be seen on his face.

Time passed. Covered in sweat, but satisfied, Franco finally returned from training. He threw his bag in the corner, undressed, and disappeared into the bathroom.

Seconds later – a bloodcurdling scream.

At the same time, booming laughter echoed from the living room. Franco tore open the door, dripping wet, his gaze angrily directed at 073, who was now standing calmly in the middle of the room.

"Did you turn off the warm water?!" Franco hissed, the water still dripping in strands from his well-trained body.

073 just grinned, her voice remained as cold as the water in the shower, emotionless. "Yes. April, April."

Of course my bro is plotting revenge - will he succeed?

Of course, my bro is plotting revenge—will he succeed? It's not that easy to fool a drone. They're very disciplined, focused, and in control of everything. Difficult conditions!

Part 2

-----

Franco was pranked in the morning. As he was finishing his daily workout, PDU-073 ( @polo-drone-073 ) sneaked in his apartment, and turned off the warm water, so when Franco was just about to take a pleasant shower, he was met with bone-freezing cold water.

This was nothing special today since it was April the 1st. But the drone had to pay.

So Franco planned his revenge carefully. When PDU-073 was starting to do its daily objectives, Franco started his preparations as well.

…

It looked around. Then it noticed, that behind a near bush there was someone hiding. And that someone wore a golden jersey, with the number of 94.

“Franco.” said 073. “This one didn’t work out.”

The drone was somewhat satisfied, that the counterprank did not work on it.

Franco emerged behind the bush, he seemed disappointed.

“Oh, crap! 073, your drone senses are too advanced! I can’t believe you noticed it, I’ve been planning this prank all day long! Either way, I am ready for anything!” Franco got really upset. He bent down and picked up another balloon of similar golden colour, which 073 took off from above the door.

“Prepare yourself!!” bellowed Franco, and aimed at 073.

But the drone was ready. It quickly opened the door, and rushed inside the safety of his house. Or it wanted to.

That was Franco’s plan. Because when the drone opened the door, a balloon hanging on a twine swung towards it from inside, and then splashed at the drone’s body. From the shoulders the golden coloured water poured down to its boots, colouring the black-gold rubber uniform completely in gold.

“Haha, got you!!” Franco laughed, but then he needed to run, since PDU-073 was about to throw the balloon holding in his hand at him.

After all, April is April.

-----

Part 2. Again, thanks to @polo-drone-073