#jmcats

Hi, darling. I’m afraid I don’t have that one.

Does anyone have this fic?

This is Amanda!! I messaged Jesse and this was his response:

“Actually none of my fics are gone. They’re all still there – just under orphan_account.

I’d prefer that link if someone knows the fic and wants it. But it’s fine if people are sharing with each other 🤷🏾‍♂️”

here are all 45 works the amazing Jesse shared with us, i’m sure most you guys know him but for those who don’t please read his stories! you won’t regret it ♥ this masterpost is organized from his very first work posted to the very last, this is a veeeeeeeery long post

In the Water 

Liam stays in to look after a sick, nearly mute Zayn while the others party and he’s not quite sure where this feeling about Zayn comes from… but maybe it’s because it’s always been this way. Leave it to Louis to figure it all out.

Be More Like the Man You Were Made To Be 

Liam’s a little nervous about his new job working at a pub with Harry but he’s ready to make it through the summer before he starts the life he's planned out since he was ten. The thing is, he didn’t expect to meet and fall in love the group of people he finds at Cowell’s. And he definitely didn’t expect to find and fall for Zayn, the one guy who makes him feel invisible, months before his mapped out plan for life is getting ready to start.

Face Away From the Sun

Liam doesn’t want anything to do with love anymore but Louis is certain he's found the perfect guy for Liam -- Niall. The problem is Liam’s not even sure if Niall likes guys and Harry's certain Louis doesn't know anything about love. Still, Liam’s not certain when he starts falling in love with someone else… Someone who’s busy taking care of his sisters for the summer when Liam's supposed to be busy quitting love.

Children, Wake Up

Liam feels out of place with his classmates… but Zayn makes him feel alive in ways he’s uncertain about, but only when they’re alone. How does Liam survive school, his friendships, University parties, and a love he’s quite certain will fall apart before he ever discovers it?

Good Morning

It’s the last weekend before the start of University. Oh, and Liam's birthday. Leave it up to Liam’s best mate Louis to drag them all off to London for “a weekend you’ll never forget.” Liam doesn’t think Louis’ plans ever included meeting Zayn Malik… the one person who makes Liam’s birthday anything but what he planned it to be

Like Peter Pan (Or Superman)

Zayn has spent most of his life up until now in a cloud of smoke, hiding from his past, being different. When a firefighter named Liam rescues him from a fire, Zayn starts to realize maybe Liam's saved his life in another way... and he's not quite sure he's ready to be that guy he should've been all along. But maybe, just for Liam, he can?

Run For the Woods Now (series)

Run For the Woods Now

Zayn knows some of the best and worst moments start with one of Louis' ideas. Still, it's almost as if everyone knew where this, his life, was going when Harry and Liam moved into Wagner’s old flat, with that stupid plant sitting in the doorway, and too many cigarettes and Justin Timberlake for any of this to have been one of those classically clichéd love stories.

And Zayn doesn't do clichés. Not until Liam, that is.

We Lie Awake At Night

His life, the one with his friends, with his son, with Liam, still feels a little too incredible to be true. But if it is, he'll never let himself become content with it. Nothing this amazing should ever become routine.

Home in the Stars

It's the kind of love story that started with Louis' insane plans, a ridiculous plant, new neighbors, and a boy with warm brown eyes, round cheeks and promises to be there when Zayn was ready. He doesn't know how to explain it, but maybe he will be able to tell their son Safi one day how he decided to stop running and fell for Liam... One day, he will.

I've Waited for This

One day, he'll thank Louis Tomlinson for this: Liam still loves the smell of cigarettes on Zayn’s skin, the sound of Justin Timberlake when their fingers touch, the way Safi finds his own spot on their bed, the way there’s always pieces of skin touching just to keep them connected.

The way all of this started with a stupid, completely mental idea from Louis Tomlinson.

(Or the one where Zayn and Liam get married and Zayn's finally ready)

Tea, Coffee, or Captain America?

It's just a little used bookshop -- that also sells comic books, DVD's, vinyl, but Liam knew a long time ago that it was so much more to him. This city was much more to him. His best mates Louis and Zayn (especially Zayn) were much more to him. And this just might be a story where Louis likes torturing the new guy Harry Styles, Harry likes lollipops, Niall likes everyone, Zayn likes being around Liam, and Liam likes comic books.

"And somewhere, when he didn’t expect it, they all decided that this little city wasn’t so bad after all. No, it was good enough for Louis to stick around, for Niall to find his place, for Harry to be himself, for Zayn to finally fall in love, and for Liam to never regret sticking around when his parents moved away."

Sonnets Behind the Flame

Liam has been anticipating a weekend away at Louis' family's cabin for years. It's nothing but wilderness, bonfires, football, his best mates, alcohol, and an escape from their last year in Sixth Form. Oh, and Niall has invited Harry Styles and Zayn Malik along. The same Zayn who's a complete prick to Liam's mates. The same Zayn that Liam has spent so many years hating, he doesn't know the reasons anymore.

Suddenly, Liam doesn't think this is such a brilliant idea after all.

Higher Than the Truth

Maybe Liam’s starting to realize he’s spent just a little too much time daydreaming about a gorgeous guy with dark hair, interesting tattoos, and eyes that are six different shades of brown? Or maybe his an idiot for letting Louis set up this silly double date. Maybe he needs to pick better best mates. Maybe he’s just overthinking everything.

Or maybe this is a story where Louis loves his coffee, Niall loves changing his mind, Liam loves the thought of falling in love, Harry loves Instagram (and selfies and weed and Louis), and Zayn loves dorky boys who never make the first move.

Carve Your Kisses in My Skin

What do they know about love? They're just teens living in anarchy, chasing the sun, watching the clouds, hanging onto their youth... kissing their best mates in the dark. Well, at least, that's what Liam's doing. And he's not really sure what this sinking feeling is when he's touching Zayn but it burns away when Zayn kisses him back.

Trade Your Heroes for Ghosts

He's okay, honestly. He thinks he's breathing. He's still here... but he's not. Zayn's just trying to breathe and, maybe, he needs these four lads to help him remember how to. Maybe he needs Liam to remind him why he's breathing. Maybe he just needs Liam.

Let Your Waves Crash Down on Me

This summer. This beach. This wave-ridden town Zayn let Niall drag him to for the summer after their first year of Uni is wearing thin against his skin. It's all fading away: Niall's despise for one Louis Tomlinson, the constant hookups, the faces he won't remember, the days under the sun and the nights drunken beneath the stars. The taste of a summer crush on some silly lifeguard. He's want it all to go away, especially this lingering feeling of not wanting to watch Liam burn out like the orangey sun.

One last party before the summer dies is all he needs. Well, that and Liam's heart.

Hold on When You Get Love (and Let Go When You Give It)

This city, where Zayn's lived all of his life, has always felt like home. He has two goals: finish up his Lit degree at University and avoid distractions. It's unfortunate, and probably referenced in a dozen words he's read by Whitman, Keats, and Twain, that this city's never seen something quite like Liam. He's just a boy with a dopey smile, soft eyes, and he's the most absolute definition of the word distraction Zayn's ever met.

Or where Zayn's studying Lit at Uni and Liam is a construction worker who catches Zayn's eye every day he passes by

Undefinable

It's just a trip with his boys before Liam has to learn what separation anxiety truly means and this little holiday may never mend what broke Louis and Harry or the distance that keeps Niall from them or the fact that Zayn is now somewhere between just mates and something more.

Kids that I Once Knew

Zayn longs for home -- Bradford; not this small town that's nothing but University and football and a hospital his mum forces him to volunteer at. But there's something about this place -- or the boy with the buzz cut and soft eyes and Liam Payne is nothing like Bradford. Zayn hates that, slowly, he's kind of in love with that.

The City Lights in the Snow

He only ever sees them, his boys, during this time of year and it's never enough. Not in this place, this city, with a new face like Zayn's reminding him that love and friendships don't last for a holiday. 'Without question, and whenever asked, Liam will always say that this time of year is his favorite.'

(or a holiday fic where Liam loves his city but he loves Niall and Harry and Louis (and maybe Zayn) a lot more)

I Taste the Sparks on Your Tongue

He decides, in these shadows of his house, with this new feeling raised over his skin, that this is his favorite place – right next to Liam.

Or Zayn might've fallen for Liam a long time ago, but Harry is the one he awakens him to the idea that Liam has fallen too.

this life, pale and grey

Maybe we don’t fall in love with our eyes – just by touch because, little do you know Zayn Malik, you didn’t fall in love with that chap when you saw him. You fell in love when he first touched you. How fucked up is that?’

(re: Zayn is left temporarily blind after an accident and the others try to help him survive it all -- and try to help him realize he's in love with Liam, too, but that doesn't seem plausible)

the color of your cheeks (and the ink in our hearts)

And part of him wishes he still held onto his own dreams instead of settling for drawing a comic he doesn’t really like for a few pounds and an in-the-meantime that’s lasted longer than a few breaths.

(Zayn is a young comic book artist who takes on a summer intern that sparks the inspiration in his hands and the rush in his heart. He doesn't know what to do with Liam. It's a shame, really, because Zayn and Louis have one rule: never date a redtag. Except, maybe they do this time)

until two and two is three

But he spends the next morning sipping his tea, watching a sleepy Zayn make coffee while Lily crawls around their feet and pretends, for a few seconds, this is how it’s supposed to feel.

(Re: They're perfect for her, Lily, even if she's their best mates' daughter -- except they hate each other. But life plays out a little comically and a lot tragically sometimes. And Liam will never get over how much he loves Lily or how much he hates Zayn, but they're all she has left now)

the stars came falling on our heads

and it’s not until later, in the same bed, he realizes everything in his life moves quite backwards because you’re supposed to fall in love first before someone can break your heart but Liam – he makes Zayn feel that way: heartbroken just before falling head over heels.

(Re: Their lives might be changing - and Liam might be too - but there's something constant: Zayn can't fall out of love with him)

on this night and in this light

Zayn thinks, belatedly, the world probably doesn’t understand this boy at all. They don’t see past the façade and the way he’s so much more than a pair of boxing gloves and sweat and bruises and strong fists that knock the world on its arse. He’s a little bit beautiful and so very gentle and a stammering boy underneath layers of muscles.

Zayn has heard and read a hundred different versions a love story -- except he doesn't believe in any of it. He doesn't believe in chasing silly dreams. Or finding a hero, a knight in shining armor. Or 'and they lived happily ever after.' But this strong boy with the crinkly eyes and pink cheeks and dumb smile? He believes in him. And a little bit more, too.

twisting to the sun and the moon

And this boy is just a fuck, right? Just a distraction, an excuse to focus on anything but the world hanging over his head. He’s just a smooth, pliant body between cold sheets under a galaxy of stars and this endless pressure that Liam keeps avoiding. Or this little ache under his skin from a heartbreak he can’t quite forget.

(re: Liam has three simple, non-negotiable rules when it comes to one-offs. And he doesn't ever fall for someone he associates with hotel sheets and lust. But this kid, Zayn, twists things inside of him he's not expecting. Suddenly, the rules don't make any sense at all.)

this feels like falling in love

They’re so quiet afterwards, stretched across the sheets, pulled apart from end to end.

But somewhere, in the middle of a typhoon of unsaid words and dazed looks, their fingertips brush across the divide. They twist and twine around each other and Zayn can’t help the way he stares at Liam until he smiles.

He can’t quite focus with Liam looking so soft and drunk and fond.

the beauty of this mess

He won’t admit how cold his sheets are when he’s alone or how his spine aches for Liam pressed to it or the way his fingers shove unforgivingly into his stack of pillows when he thinks about Jackson drowsy on his chest or Annabelle’s soft face under the moonlight or how that one-story bungalow was the closest he’s felt to home since leaving Bradford.

(Re: Zayn loves this city, loves his boys, loves the salty taste of the surf on his tongue even though he hates the ocean... but he's not expecting to fall in love with Liam and all of his little secrets, too. Not enough to stick around in this sandy city of teenage dreams)

you could be my cure

The thing is, Zayn is almost overwhelmingly certain that he’s only ever fallen in love four times but he thinks this is the only one that actually counts

(alternately: Nothing about Zayn is traditional, especially not the way he falls in love with Liam, or everything before and after that)

underneath the light of a thousand stars

They are his gravity. His pull when the world keeps pushing, tugging. His core. It all sounds silly in his head but when he looks up through his lashes, Liam smiles at him like he gets it.'

(or relatively: quiet moments in Zayn's life with Liam and their son, right next to him)

we don't need attention

It’s all he can take. Zayn eases up to suck a soft, sweet kiss to Liam’s full lips. It’s a dizzy feeling like all of the blood has rushed to his head and his cock at the same time. His veins feel like neon electricity are surging through them. His spine curls and all he can handle is the sugary taste of Liam’s pretty mouth for a few drawn out seconds.

(re: Zayn likes watching shy, uncertain Liam. All of him. But, tonight, they both want something a little more)

not yet awake

Liam doesn't know this world. He feels out of place and he doesn't trust anyone. All he knows is flashbacks of a life he doesn't know anymore and all he hears is 'thank you Captain Britain' but Liam is not a hero. He's a solider.

He has one mission for SHIELD: keep Zayn Malik safe. Unfortunately, he hates this cocky, arrogant, manic boy who wears suits and has iron where his heart should be.

(Re: SHIELD wants to protect Malik Industries and Liam has been avoiding the Avengers Initiative for months now... until he has no choice but to trust someone)

living love in slow motion

He steadies a hand to the back of Zayn’s head and kisses him like all of the words in his mouth aren’t brilliant enough. He smears them over Zayn’s lips and hopes every single one of them reminds Zayn that Liam’s been in love with him since they were teenage hurricanes. Just before they were eighteen.

(Or: they've been tucked into each other's side since they were five years old... and Liam's been a little in love with that and much more since then)

and you take me the way i am

It’s incredibly relaxing, even in this small space, the way they’ve always been. Such a distraction that he doesn’t think, not for once, about agreeing to lie to his family and Zayn pretending to be his date and how easy all of this might be.

(Liam needs a date to a wedding. His family loves to match him up with blind dates. He doesn't want that. He needs a date... and, well, why not Zayn. Pretending to be boyfriends for a weekend isn't the worst idea he supposes. Liam is horribly wrong.)

we may fall (but we get up again)

It's Liam's favorite moment - helping someone else create a memory. He's always the best man, the one holding everything together at a wedding. And, one day, he's going to fall madly in love and create that moment for himself. And he knows it in his blood - that moment won't include some cynical, smug bloke named Zayn Malik.

(alternately: a 27 Dresses AU where Liam is everyone's favorite best man and he just might be madly in love with his boss ... and maybe with an arrogant writer who hates weddings as much as Liam loves them, too)

according to your heart (my place is not deliberate)

The fading light brings the world into prospective – the team standing shoulder to shoulder, halfway buzzed on alcohol and cigarettes, grinning goofily at the sky. His boys nudged hip to hip with him and he couldn’t think of another place to be.

(or: a university-volleyball au in which Zayn hates the game but he does it for a scholarship. And for Louis. And possibly for the new freshman setter who keeps teaching Zayn new things.)

these amber words on our fingertips

'He’s not getting attached, he swears. There’s no point.'

(Re: Zayn's life in London is about one thing — making life perfect for his son. He's still finding himself in this city, with all of the noise and left behind dreams. He needs to focus and Liam is, well, distracting. He's different. Zayn's always liked that word.)

remember these sheets

It’s different; much different. It feels a bit like worship — It’s like liquid silver in his belly and Liam just keeps taking his time.'

(re: Zayn still gets so high off being with this shy, curly-haired boy who is slowly growing into his confidence... and maybe tonight, Zayn wants Liam to show him what he wants.)

a sequel to we don't need attention

some moments are rare

The city blinks awake outside but Zayn falls asleep with his nose pressed to Liam’s coffee-stain of a birthmark.

(or, alternatively: Zayn is spending a summer studying aboard; thirty days across Europe, with his best mate by his side. It's always been like this ― Zayn and Liam. And he's always been a bit daft about love, or the fact that Liam's always been in love with him. It's all a bit of a mess, actually.)

your love will be safe with me

It tugs a little at his organs ― how Zayn is still the same. He doesn’t fancy all those posh things Liam could buy him. He hasn’t gone about on Twitter, bragging about this thing between them. He’s spent more hours counting up all the freckles on Liam’s skin rather than asking about Liam’s fame.

(re: There are no rules to falling in love. Well, maybe just a few. And Liam wants to be strong enough to break all of them because he's so gone over this boy wonder.)

a sequel to twisting to the sun and the moon

watch you on the red horizon

Liam feels so warm, so overwhelmed. He sinks down into the sofa, pushing a content smile across his knuckles. He feels so honestly grateful for Zayn, just for a moment.

The feeling will pass (he hopes) and it’ll lose its momentum like everything else in his life.

(alternatively: Liam is a struggling writer and a single father who keeps getting stuck in his writing. Zayn is a line cook trying to make something of himself. They're neighbors. And they definitely don't act like they're married. At all.)

you're barely waking and i'm tangled up in you

When Liam thinks long enough about it, all of it starts like this―

And the ‘it’ turns into an obsession, he thinks belatedly, because it’s all that’s on his mind when he’s sober enough to focus.

(Liam meets up with Zayn almost two years into the band's hiatus. And he thinks it's a bad idea... until it's really not. Eventually, Zayn fits in like he always did―right next to Liam's side.)

the rest I can do without

Silence greets him. He jerks his head up, looking around like a frightened animal. Zayn’s not there anymore. Another trick, via Paul Higgins.

Of course. It’s not as if his life isn’t filled with ghosts, right?

(For most of his life, Liam's wanted out of Gotham―to shed his Nightwing costume for something else. To have a normal life. Zayn wants revenge―and a bit of redemption, too. Secretly, they've wanted each other most of their lives, too. It's a shame murder and Gotham City keeps getting in their way.)

someday my pain will mark you

So here Liam is―Uncertain vampire. Unwilling to drink from a Normal. Bored out of his mind. Helplessly in love with a bloody werewolf, for fuck’s sake.

Oh, and a prince.

What a mercifully pleasant and charmed life he’s been living (not-living?) for quite some time now. (Or alternatively: Liam is probably the world's worst vampire, who has fallen quite madly in love with Zayn, the world's most reluctant werewolf)

Thank you, Jesse! Not Yet Awake was, I think, one of the first Ziam fics I ever read; I’ve admired you for a long time. You’ve done so much to set the pace for good, creative work in this fandom, and I’m honored that you’d a) read my writing and b) tell me after. Hope your day is going as fantastically as it can.

I was tagged by the forever amazing and jaw dropping @jmcats

"Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved." — Helen Keller

Everyone knows all my writings are mostly just angsty stuff :P

JESSE I LOVE YOU ALMOST AS MUCH AS DOGS