I get a bit wild when I create. Later, this means I find watercolors and doodles stashed away in piles. When I find them I wonder why I never worked on finishing them.

"Mamma" I miss the way that curled from my lips - happy and wholesome. I miss how you could taste the tumbleweed from my tongue as I said it. Mamma I could always count on you - once upon a time when I ain't had nothing to count but my ten fingers and ten toes. I remember you kept all twenty of them little things safe - more like 80 cause you had my sisters and I. You were my superhero - that's how I painted you in those letters I used to write you. Remember that mamma? When I used to write you letters everyday saying how you're the best mamma a girl could ever ask for? I remember how I used to lay my fears on your stomach and all the grumbly noises would scare them all away. I miss your hugs and your wet kisses. I miss the egg sandwiches you'd make me before school in the morning. I miss your cute little pictures and your perfect cursive on my permission slips. I miss how you'd always make sure I was warm when it was cold and how you'd always make me tea and take my plate to the sink cause I was too lazy. I miss being your driving force... Now I can't see your face mamma... and I'm afraid of the truth that my Mamma is gone..

I've always had this dream that I could just have this talk with you and tell you everything I feel. And tell you that I forgive you and that I'm not upset and that money never mattered. I wish you would listen to that but you never would and we both know it. I've always had this dream of having that mother - daughter relationship and you'd teach me all I needed to know. I thought that I'd do this college thing for you, buy you a big house you'd probably paint over a billion times and get you a bunch of farm animals you could tend and talk to even if you think you wouldn't want them, but I know the size of your heart. I just don't want you to die alone and especially not unhappy, regretful.. A girl ain't never too grown to have a mamma.. especially not me, your "soldier". Now I can barely convince my legs to take me to class. Barely see to sticking this thing out mamma... cause ain't no one here to help me; not like my mamma could....

Sun-kissed 🌞

Wishing you all a wonderful week! Every day is a new beginning.