Realised that I don’t like crazy male characters who are just crazy, I like them when they are crazy and…slightly feminine-cute, for lack of a better phrase? Crazy is not uncommon in danmei, and it tends to give off a toxic masculinity vibe, which is off-putting. But adding doses of feminine-cute seems to neutralise it well; Jin Feize’s combination of psychopathy and maidenly love on the brain is fascinating.

This book seems good. Supernatural horror, a genre I like. Scarier than most horror danmei (most are really weak), but not very scary to me. Still, the flavour is strong enough.

There is something deeply wrong with the love interest, Jin Feize. Enchanting, batshit in a smiley way, and psychopathic (by this I mean that empathy is often beyond his reach; there’s a reason for this). I like that. He has casually said several times that he wants to kill the protagonist, turn the protagonist’s head into a taxidermied specimen, and put it by his bedside. He has also suggested once that the protagonist kill him and turn his head into a specimen instead.

(^ the cover of the book he’s from)

👾 Started out as the unknowing male protagonist’s spoiled online girlfriend. Protagonist was a recent high school graduate.

👜 Fleeced the protagonist, making him buy “her” clothes and jewellery with money from his part-time jobs. “She” was the only person who remembered his birthday and gifted him fireworks when he was in need of support, so the protagonist was aware he was being fleeced but willing to fall into “her” clutches.

😘 Sent the protagonist a photo of “her” legs in black silk stockings “she” bought with the money the protagonist sent “her”. (Artistically ripped the stockings to up the level of sultriness.)

💯 Turned out to be the popular top student who sat next to the protagonist at school

🪚 Too casually dismembered a reanimated corpse during the protagonist’s first encounter with the supernatural, making the protagonist suspect him of being a serial killer

😈 Gradually revealed inhuman strength and severe mental illness ranging from inability to feel empathy (does not—cannot—care about anyone), to trigger-happy tendencies

🍆 Forcefully remained the protagonist’s boyfriend by threatening to send everyone a compromising video of the protagonist. Protagonist was pissed but very grudgingly remained mesmerised (didn’t delete the silk stocking photo)

👸Turned out to be a supernatural entity who used to be locked up in a tower, where his favourite pastime was charming people (including men) who entered the vicinity, making them commit dangerous acts in besotted attempts to rescue him. He was released from his prison by the protagonist’s mysterious mother and bidden to watch over her son in her absence, unbeknownst to the protagonist.

🔪 Still, he casually said several times that he wanted to kill the protagonist, turn the protagonist’s head into a taxidermied specimen, and put it by his bedside. Suggested once that the protagonist kill him and turn his head into a specimen instead.

🍵 His constant smile, way of talking a little cute, and way of pulling off “green tea” moves on bystanders to get his way with the protagonist makes his terrible behaviour come off as interesting to the reader rather than terrible. (Green tea is Chinese slang for presenting oneself as pure and innocent to con others into liking you or feeling sympathy for you.) In fact, he’s responsible for a lot of the humour in the book.

⚡️ Had to be collared with an electric collar by the protagonist to be forced into submission. At one point he excitedly offered to buy the protagonist a whip to match.

🎏 Turned out to have once been the boy equivalent of a shrine maiden—think masked dance in ghost-busting purification rites, playing the role of the Nuo god prince. As a child, he had saved the protagonist from a netherworldly troop during a festival procession.

🫁 At age ten, he was trapped with his mentally ill mother in a ghostly realm, where his mother mutated into a monstrous form and forced him to play a never-ending game: find—and then eat—the organs she dug from her body and hid around the hospital.

📞 Managed to make one phone call that was picked up by his cheating father’s mistress, who pretended it was a spam call, dooming him and his mother to a hellish eternity cut off from humanity.

🎭 Eventually received one chance to escape; instead, he chose to try to save his mother with the ritual dance of the Nuo god prince, causing her to stab him in her anguish.

🤍 Last words: “I don’t want to be sad anymore.”

👹 Received an injection containing the flesh of a god and was “lucky” to be compatible enough to not go completely mad, turning him into a supernatural creature just a little less monstrous than his mother.

🫴 Was discovered at home after his long disappearance, clutching his mother’s torn-off hand

⚪️ As a result of his trauma and semi-integration with a malevolent god’s flesh, he got his wish. He wasn’t sad anymore, because he felt nothing. No more compassion, so no more pain. Just smiling madness. Hence his psychopathic personality today.

❓ Was dissected, starved, electrocuted, etc by the authorities to figure out his capabilities prior to being imprisoned

💉 Discovered (from the protagonist) that his doctor mother had medically induced insanity in herself so that she would not be killed and could live long enough to give birth to him, even though it meant that she would be torturously experimented on later. So it turned out that he and his mother were always fighting to protect each other.

💬 When the protagonist killed his mother with his help, releasing her from the ghostly realm in which she had been trapped, he was able to talk to her sane self for the first and last time in their lives.

Doubled over in pain and confusion, he said to the protagonist, “My heart is so empty, help me fill it. I hate this sensation, hurry up and help me.”

“Jin Feize, I can’t help you.”

“Why?”

“Because you’re experiencing sadness.”

⚫️ Attempted to shoot his cruel father after his mother’s death, but was thwarted by the protagonist who, worried that the authorities would use the murder as a pretext to euthanise him, threw himself in front of the man as a human shield.

Was terrified that he had killed the protagonist but what he said was: “Xiao Ye, why haven’t you died? I kept waiting for the news of your death. I’d decided, once you died, I’d die with you.”

“I hate you, I don’t like you. If not for you, I wouldn’t have remembered this suffering. I’m having nightmares again, I dreamed I was eaten by maggots, my whole body had rotted away. You’re not allowed to go anywhere, stay here with me. If I rot, you must rot with me.”

💔 Rediscovered a few emotions, including heartache:

Jin Feize eyed him for a while, then smiled suddenly. “Fine, as long as you don’t cry. When you cry, I want to kill people, and don’t even feel like eating hawberry cakes anymore.” He tilted his head, expression somewhat confused. “Have I fallen ill? Recently I keep feeling a discomfort in my chest. So you’d better not cry anymore, I seem to hate it when people cry, what if I can’t control myself and kill you?”

“You want to kill me?” Jiang Ye furrowed his brow.

“No,” Jin Feize replied very honestly, “I want to kiss you. Xiao Ye, let’s kiss.”

…he said, in a context where kissing would have been very inappropriate (his boyfriend couldn’t remember his own identity).

🔫 Blasted his own head to bits without hesitation (the head of a manifestation of himself who travelled through time)

💳 Many twists and turns later, they lived happily ever after, with him maxing out the protagonist’s credit cards (ah, he works so hard to earn money, my heart aches for him so much, oops my hand slipped and bought another luxury scarf, it’s okay he’ll forgive me anyway)

*