#jharper

I can't tell you how many times I cried for him. I lost track when I started bleeding for him. I took a shot for every time I thought of him. Every thought was like a star in the sky- impossible to keep track of without getting lost. Before I knew it,  it  had me feeling exactly what I wanted to feel: nothing. I'd wake up in the morning and it was the same routine. Not a day goes by where I don't wish that I looked him hard in the face and said the words that have been itching, burning, clawing at my heart for years. It's not easy to stop loving someone when they've woven themselves into your heart. You can't help it, you don't know you're falling until you've hit the ground. How do you cope in the aftermath when they're still woven in, but they've left? I wanted to cut him out, it was the only way. I can't tell you how many times I tried.

I loved my hair blonde until some unworthy

mean

cold

man

said he liked it better black

“I think you look better when it is black, you look beautiful.”

I dyed it black without question, never once hesitated

I loved him without ever hesitating

Never caring for myself

Never making sure I could swim before I jumped in the deep end

I couldn't even catch myself when I was falling

I look better without him

I look beautiful

Over two decades and I didn't feel free until he left and my hair was

blonde