#jesus laughed

New uquiz! With help from the delightful @citrussunrises. 

Basically, I want a sitcom made based on the book of Acts with a combination of Christian and secular writers and creatives. Preferably a few of the Christians will have served as committee members in some capacity in their local churches. The goal, essentially, is to riff on the human messiness and frequent absurdity of the early church with good humor and some irreverence, but never with God or the Gospel as the butt of the joke.

Characters:

Peter is the young, energetic guy who suddenly has Administrative Responsibilities. He’s energized by his evangelism/discipleship work, but he’s always Tired and Unwell while trying to manage the leadership of the church.  

John is overly affectionate. He’s always hugging people he barely knows, giving people really enthusiastic compliments, that sort of thing.

Luke is quiet and nerdy, maybe even a little nebbish. When he speaks, it’s usually to ask people vaguely uncomfortable questions “for his book.” If you want to go mocumentary style with the show, Luke’s interviews can be the framing device.

Paul is generally a pretty chill guy, but he’s super gung-ho about suffering for the Gospel. People are a little weirded out his wannabe martyr energy.

John Mark is really, really annoying in some way. Like maybe he’s always playing his original music on the lyre and he’s really bad at it. Maybe he’s really flakey and irresponsible and sort of has Jean-Ralphio energy. Paul, in particular, finds him really annoying and always looks absolutely miserable when they’re in a scene together. When Barnabas eventually suggests bringing John Mark on a missionary journey, the “sharp disagreement” is just Paul going “oh hell no” and walking straight out of the room.

Lots of women and people of different races represented, particularly as church members. Lydia should be a major character, although I don’t quite know what her personality should be. Rhoda (the servant who slammed the door in Peter’s face) would be a fun inclusion too. Racial diversity should at least reflect the actual ancient Mediterranean, although I don’t think I’d be super picky about which specific characters are which races.

Ongoing plots:

The organizational nightmares of running a church is a running theme. Basically just crib from the funniest parts of church government and organization. Things are poorly run and disorganized and people have different opinions and everything somehow still gets done. This stuff can have Parks and Rec energy.

Lots of conflict of personality issues, but also an increasing closeness between the Apostles and members of the church  

Lots of missionaries getting run out of town in increasingly comedic ways. Like, I want Paul and Barnabas running out of Random Roman City #52 while getting pelted with eggs.

Lots of what I can only describe as late night theology. Like when you’re sleep deprived and discussing the deep questions of Scripture with your friends in the car, often arriving at weird conclusions. Lots of that kind of stuff. Also, in general, the characters talk about God the way Christians actually do-- casually, often humorously, sometimes irreverently, as an important part of life and not just a serious subject for Important Conversations

Paul’s Roman Citizenship is milked for all it’s worth. Yes, it gets him out of imprisonment and torture, but it also gets him out of like, minor municipal violations.

Episode plots:

Philip finds himself teleported to/from Ethiopia to convert the eunuch and, upon returning to Jerusalem, spends an episode getting startled by sudden movement (knocking things over, accidentally slapping people) because he thinks he’s gonna get teleported again. There’s a long scene where Philip tries to interrogate Peter and find out if teleportation is just like a standard Holy Spirit powerup or if it was a one-time deal. Peter’s just getting progressively more and more confused.

Saul’s conversion from Ananias’s perspective. He’s woken up in the middle of the night and told to go pick Saul the Murder up and take him home. He’s sleep-deprived and low-key freaking out and he hasn’t gone grocery shopping so he’s running around trying to find some food for Saul at 2am. Episode ends with Ananias collapsed sideways on his bed and Paul coming and pulling a blanket over him.

Extended physical comedy scene where they’re lowering Paul over the wall in the basket, but the ropes are uneven and he’s getting tossed from side to side and the guy at the bottom isn’t in place yet and they’re all trying really hard to be inconspicuous.

There’s a whole road episode where it’s just everyone cooped up on a ship or in the middle of the desert or something while they’re on their way to spread the gospel in a new city.  They all get on each others nerves. Somebody goes a little bit stir-crazy and loses it.

The show shouldn’t be ashamed that it’s about people spreading the Gospel, but I don’t want lots of scenes that try to evangelize the viewer. We’re not trying to proselytize, we’re trying to make light of the human messiness that is life in the church. Embrace anachronism (I’d love to see some modern church potlucks, for example), but also lots of nerdy historical and Biblical/theological jokes.

There’s such a dearth of genuinely funny Christian entertainment, particularly that which (a) is entertaining to seculars as well and (b) actually embraces the Bible and not just some form of cultural Christianity. And Acts is right there! It’s hilarious! Top tier sitcom material! Somebody fund me.

Boys

Want an all-purpose, kingly sounding name? Abimelech

Benjamin too mainstream for you? Benoni

Want a non-problematic son of David? Chileab

Hoping your kid won’t ever die? Enoch

Paul too mainstream for you? Epaphroditus

Peak older brother vibes? Esau

Want some less mainstream sons of Jacob? Gad, Issachar, Naphtali, Zebulun

Wanna be really edgy? Gog and Magog (brothers)

Think the kid might be a complainer? Habakkuk

Like both the Bible and bacon? Ham

Want to name your son after a good king, but David’s too mainstream? Hezekiah

Secretly suspicious that your kid might be kind of a loser non-entity? Ish-boseth

Hoping for a kid who makes a lot of money, but still loves Jesus? Jairus

What did the wisest man in the world name his kids? Jeroboam and Rehoboam (brothers)

Hoping your kid might come back from the dead? Lazarus

Feeling prophetic? Maher-shalal-hash-baz

Joseph too mainstream for you? Manasseh and Ephraim (brothers)

Want a name that’s both kingly and priestly? Melchizedek

Do you want the whole world to know how much you love your disabled kid? Mephibosheth

Hoping your kid lives a really, really long time? Methuselah

Think your kid might be a big question-asker? Nicodemus

Does having a baby feel kinda miraculous, given the circumstances? Obed

Big into church history and equality under God? Philemon

Think your baby might be fireproof? Shadrach, Meshach, and Abednego (brothers) Note: Rack, Shack, and Benny are acceptable nicknames :)

Luke too mainstream for you? Theophilus

Is your baby just really, really tiny? Zacchaeus

Someone in the lineage of Christ with a frankly unbeatable name? Zerubbabel

Girls

Wish there were more girls in Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcoat? Asenath

Think your daughter is really, really pretty? Bathsheba

Looking for a double hitter Biblical name (wife of Esau and daughter of Solomon)? Basemeth

Rachael and Leah too mainstream for you? Bilhah and Zilpah (sisters)

Looking for a female disciple name that will definitely get your kid bullied in elementary school? Dorcas

Looking for a sorta-priestly girl’s name? Elisheba

Looking for a female disciple name that will hopefully inspire marginally less bullying than Dorcas, but will still be unique? Eunice

Your kids will probably bicker a lot. Why not lean into it? Euodia and Syntyche (sisters)

Are you really into *symbolism*? Gomer

Do your really like the various Hebrew names of God? Hagar

Want a positive, unique queenly name? Hephzibah

Want to name your daughter after a prophet, but Deborah’s too mainstream? Huldah

Miriam too mainstream for you? Jochebed

Wanna throw shade at Oprah Winfrey? Orpah (spelled correctly)

Hoping your daughter will grow up to be involved in espionage? Rehab

Want a nice Jesus-lineage name (as long as you don’t think too hard about it)? Tamar

Want your daughter to be a #girlboss? Vashti

Do you have strong opinions on circumcision? Zipporah

Mixed-sex siblings

Feeling both edgy and prophetic? Jezreel, Lo-Ruhamah, and Lo-Ammi