Jester: Does not give herself near enough credit for being crazy powerful and the glue that holds this gang together. Everyone wants her to love herself more, and she is working on it, but so far it’s been a lot of brick walls. Overall 4/10

Nott: Jester is her partner in crime and chaos. Nott has and will continue to kill for Jester, though she’s no Caleb, so that brings it down a few points. 8/10 friends forever (just not BEST friends)

Caduceus: Thinks of Jester like the “a little confused, but you got the spirit” meme. Or maybe HE is the confused one. All he knows is he likes her, and she likes him and his cooking, and they’re both badass clerics. 8/10 cleric bros

Yasha: okay I know I’m in the minority here, but Yasha is 300% in love with Jester. Rewatch the Fancy Nein and tell me I’m wrong. 9/10 Rarepair OTP

Beau: Canonically has a major crush on Jester. Flirts badly and tries to teach her about relationships outside of books and porn. Oh my god they were roommates. 10/10

Caleb: Canonically is uselessly in love with Jester. Makes longing eyes across the bar when she’s dancing alone but will never say anything because he doesn’t believe in happiness. 11/10 +1 for sad romantic backstory

Fjord: Wishes he wasn’t in love with Jester. Everything would be so much simpler if there were nO ROMANCE IN DND LAURA. 100/10 in lurve

……………Hello. Today in shipping calculus we explore that most basic and heinous of arithmetic—subtraction. Minus one party member, the landscape looks a little different, a little darker. But there are still good things to be found. Thank you to @drinkingdeadpeopletea, @hla-rosa, and @alarnia for helping with data entry. Masterpost here

+12 to Sam/The Slide Whistle which should absolutely become a staple of Critical Role sound effects, I’m begging you here

+19 to Jester/Yasha These two get all the Angst Points, with Jester having a breakdown over Yasha’s betrayal, lovingly drawing her eyes and demonstrating she knows them well enough to be able to pinpoint the little differences in them now. Going to Yasha’s room, and the Romantic Gift of the mural of flowers, and telling Yasha in a Romantic Monologue that she still believes in her, that the Stormlord should be there for her, and that she’s going to be brought back to become the person Jester knows she wants to be. Asking the Traveler about his relationship with the Stormlord and trying to figure out through him if Yasha is safe or can be saved.

+15 to Beau/Yasha Beau meanwhile listens, and listens, and listens for the sound of thunder, an indication that the Stormlord is still out there watching over Yasha…but she doesn’t get anything. Insisting that the group distinguish between Yasha and whatever person left them and betrayed them, because she’s sure they aren’t the same person. Lying casually to everyone she meets about how Yasha’s just taking some personal time off, no need to worry.

-12 to The Mighty Nein/Whisper Campaigns as Jester’s mission gets derailed by her unsuccessful attempt to shoot some ballistae, while Fjord finds himself needing to surrender in the face of Absolute Incompetence.

+38 to Beau/Jester But these two are the stars of this weeks’ shipping calculus, inseparable from start to finish and each others’ proven closest confidant. Beau comforting Jester as she breaks down over Yasha, hugging her close and despite her own reluctance to be vulnerable, confessing to Jester how much this has hurt her as well, how she hasn’t been able to sleep properly and how she hopes for Yasha to be saved!! Beau telling Jester she’s amazing and doesn’t need anyone’s validation! Telling Jester her voice is wonderful and imitating it—flattery! Love! Jester complimenting Beau’s fists! Their awkward flirting reaching such levels of Sickening that they end up talking about the weather! “The wind is very windy today” gods you two are disasters. Then--then!! Composing messages to Dairon together, sneaking off upstairs together and complaining about the lack of privacy in the house like every teenaged couple failing to get away with boning in the family house. And—I mean they are sleeping together, though tragically they split up for the night to better catch Dairon when she arrives, because they are a Team.

-20 to Dairon/Detective Work. Beau is understandably incredulous that after all this time Dairon knows….nothing about what the M9 have been doing, until Jester gives the Xhorhaus tip—which is funny because it’s not like they’ve been at all subtle in any of their activities in this country. Then there’s the peculiar beauty of Dairon stealthing expertly to the balcony whilst completely missing how the protege she’s looking for is VERY CLEARLY AND OBVIOUSLY SLEEPING ON THE FRONT STOOP RIGHT BELOW GODS DAIRON YOU ARE AMAZING AT MISSING THE THINGS RIGHT IN FRONT OF YOUR NOSE

+12 to Nott/Religion as Caduceus confirms that the liquor cabinet downstairs was always meant to be her personal shrine, and Nott reveals she can hear god talking to her.

-16 to Jester/Religion as we learn that Jester has zero knowledge of any gods besides the ones the party themselves worship and have told her about. Raven Queen who? Knowing Mistress? Don’t know her.

+18 to the Traveler/Orgies as he’s apparently been “busy” with his other followers, and how his initial idea to gather in a relaxing subtropical retreat is an excellent place to get even busier. Alas, Jester still has him wrapped around her little finger and successfully advocates for a volcano, which probably still has some sexual energy, if The Incredibles can be believed.

+4 to Jester/Fjord—they don’t interact directly much, but Fjord as always asks if Jester is doing okay, and complains about her spell slots on her behalf. Jester as always talks up Fjord’s skills with talking to people and using accents above all else. Fjord also asks what matters to Jester when she snaps about not caring which side they end up taking, but some points are taken away as he immediately pivots to advocating for his own preferences instead of listening to the answer.

+0 to Caleb/Cat-Shaped Creatures as Frumpkin works overtime as the party’s collective comfort object, almost to the exclusion of Caleb petting the poor thing himself. And then there are the moorbounders, which were straight up ditched. We knew it would happen eventually but—they had names! A history! Do we really need to lose more members of this party?

+6 to Caleb/Fjord Alas, the tragedy of these two asking each other if they’re feeling okay and entirely sidestepping each other’s concern! This is Not How You Earn Points! Fjord instantly leaping to Caleb/the group’s defense the second the wizard gets the side-eye in Bazzoxan. Caleb being willing to compromise about listening to the Bright Queen for Fjord and letting loose a host of compliments about his disguise and accent skills, then once Fjord is safely gone going on and on to Beau about how she and Fjord hold the group together, and how they really need to make sure Fjord is okay, goodness look at this worrywart.

+6 to Caleb/Jester …and the Worrywart also continues to stress over Marion Lavorre, and tries to reassure her that there’s nothing definitive the know or could have known about Yasha. Meanwhile, Jester gets concerned over Caleb’s distress and ditching the group after their run-in with the Scourger. Jester also compliments Caleb’s Teleportation Circle, and offers him a pocketful of crystals she picked up, which he could have been more appreciative of.

+14 to Jester/The Bright Queen and Nott/Heteronormativity as Jester once more obsesses over what the Bright Queen is wearing and how “ravishing” her eyes are. Meanwhile Nott tries desperately to make sure the compliments are coming from A Man, because Women Like Compliments From Men and Not As Much From Women Apparently, and picking a spectacularly terrible target in Caduceus Clay who really does not notice or care what the Bright Queen looks like, ever.

+4 to Jester/Caduceus While Nott may have been wrong to describe Caduceus as “dark,” both Jester and Fjord are very quick to express their appreciation for the pink pastel aesthetic. Jester gets comforting pats from Caduceus, they compliment each other on being impressive, Jester gets very briefly excited over the sword being for Caduceus before she’s shot down, and preens over the Traveler alcove Caduceus made for her in the garden

+9 to Caduceus/Channeling His Inner Demon as his eyes flash black in true Supernatural style to ward off a person who was probably just trying to sleep in the only inn in town, the poor bastard.

+5 to Fjord/Caduceus With an additional point for the sheer delight of how confused Fjord continues to be over Caduceus’ existence, feat “YOU’VE NEVER BEEN THERE?” incredulity, and how Caduceus is an absolute shit about giving Fjord a birdbath to worship in, just deep enough so he can drown himself if he’s in the mood. Which apparently Fjord kind of is. That’s romance. Fjord following Caduceus upstairs, For What Purpose We Can Only Guess

+7 to Caleb/Caduceus as they continue to be on the exact same page when it comes to how to address the Bright Queen and what their responsibilities are in warning others. Caleb buffing Caduceus with Fortune’s Favor! Caduceus continuing to latch onto interesting little phrases, notably one with “cocked” in it, and seeming concerned over the length of time Caleb was off on his own after the Scourger interrogation. An interrogation Caduceus offered to help with with spellwork to make the Scourger tell the truth! Caleb calling Caduceus downstairs to hang out (in an attempt to help Beau/Jester along, seems like) but only in fact managing to convince Nott that he wants, and I quote, “boy time.” Caduceus ribbing Caleb about being very Not Calm as he’s drinking to calm his nerves, that’s nice.

+8 to Fjord/That One Ogre who called him a “little fuzzball” and seemed worried about how tired he was and did his absolute best to spread just the message that Fjord gave him in his bugbear courier form. I mean, I’ve shipped for less.

+20 to Nott/Yeza as they have an adorable reunion, complete with such romance staples as Dropping What You’re Holding, Embraces, and Enjoying Your Partner’s Terrible Cooking! Nott defending Yeza’s dangerousness and ability to be a flight risk to Fjord, who dared to call Yeza boring. Unfortunately, Nott’s love and concern for her husband also resulted in -13 to Yeza/Piracy, though to be fair Orly’s supposed to be doing legitimate mercantile work at this point so there may Still Be A Chance to put Yeza on a boat

+14 to Caleb/Essik as Essik jumps on the chance to ferry the party all over the globe. Caleb makes the mistake of asking the Bright Queen for dunamancy training from Essik rather than Essik himself, he who is Too Eager To Do Caleb Favors, but when Caleb shows back up in an anxiety-ridden fugue Essik does get the chance to take a break from his busy schedule to promise he’ll absolutely see what he can do for Caleb, no persuasion required. Point loss for Caleb’s awkward blabbing being physically painful to watch and for Essik just ditching him by the doors.

“Oh, I, I, I, I’m, I, I, I’m not, I’m not, I’m not... looking for anything, I just...”

She doesn’t even actually stop stammering, Beau just cuts her off. Like. Yasha is confirmed useless when she finds girls cute. Do you know how much Jester could use that fact to destroy her.....

What an episode! Easily in this mathematician’s Top Five for Drama and Cinematography but ah…. *kicks Angst Points program* the heartbreak is really going to kill me one of these days. Thank you to @softazelma @critiquingsoul @hla-rosa and @alarnia for helping out with data entry! Masterpost here.

+50 to Sam/Debate The speed with which he comes….up with good talking points is commendable, but his stamina leaves something to be desired

+52 to Liam/Politics See above.

+20 to Jester/Her Inner Dominatrix as she adds a snazzy whip to her fighting repertoire! An incredibly tactically useful weapon, as it has the ability to restrain and drag people by force across the battlefield! Not to mention how it can be used for Indiana Jones Shenanigans! Point loss because tragically she is not yet Proficient in making people beg for mercy whipping, and despite best efforts, could not manage to use it at certain……key parts of the battle this episode

+15 to Caleb/Fjord as Fjord continues his “lmao we have to take a short rest so CALEB can IDENTIFY things” excuse to make the party let him regenerate his spell slots. Caleb following immediately behind Fjord’s approach of the sarcophagus either to Save This Curious Troublemaker or because he, too, is a Curious Troublemaker. Caleb throwing up a Wall of Fire, a Certified Caleb Panic Spell to help rescue Fjord from the Laughing Hand and…..company.

+29 to Caleb/Caduceus Hoo boy, these guys get a LOAD of battle points this ep, with Caduceus Standing! In Front of Caleb! To protect him! And nearly dying! Caleb in turn deciding that That’s Just Not Acceptable and #WidogastShaping into KING KONG, and SMASHING Caduceus’ attackers, SCREAMING in the Laughing Hand’s face, before scooping up Caduceus like a wee bab and carrying him safely out the door. Both damsels in distress, both knights in shining armor! Caduceus clutching at the Periapt, one of Caleb’s gifts, because he’s so near death! Shouting at Caleb not to hit himself! Then, as they both agree on the necessity of warning others on what happened in the tomb and support each other in planning their next steps out, Caduceus!! Thanks Caleb!!! So quietly!!!!! And Drops The Honorific while doing so, that is a classic Romance Moveeeeeeee

+2 to Caleb/Self Hatred as he self-crits himself with a punch in the face. It’s pretty on brand for him, honestly.

+16 to Caleb/Jester What these two lack in Battle Points they make up for with Cute, as Caleb gifts the swhip to Jester while Effusively Complimenting Her Strength and she thanks him for it! Jester hanging from the whip and saying hello to Caleb, who is Charmed To Death by the silliness and pushes her so she swings! Jester protecting Caleb’s back in marching order! Jester telling Nott that she can rely on her and Caleb above all else, and once again complimenting Caleb’s handsomeness and his nice chin! She Really Has A Thing for that chin, huh?

+5 to Nott/Matchmaking as at this point we can see Nott is just trying to set Jester up with all of the guys in the party. Fjord, Caleb, probably Caduceus next, the point is she wants Jester to get some lovin’

+50 to Obann/Playing Himself as, after avoiding a series of attacks from the Mighty Nein in a Very Cool And Villainous Manner, he manages to bean himself with the very tomb he exploded. Smooth.

+5 to the Mighty Nein/The Angel of Irons as Obann tells them they’re blessed by her, to come as far as they did! Gosh, it’s almost a shame they killed this guy, it looks like if they joined his cult they could have gained some rank in it! Some people are bad guys just because they’re better at it, y’know?

+15 to Jester/Fjord as most attempts at Battle Points didn’t work out (+20 to Dice/Cockblocking), but with Fjord effectively distracting the Laughing Hand from Jester with a Balgura to absorb punishment. Jester backing up Fjord’s awkward “Can I get a HEY” shtick. Also, Fjord thinking Jester’s investigation of the mirrors is a good idea, that is some Detective Solidarity right there. Many point gains for how Fjord is Suspiciously Into Jester having the whip, but point loss as they Massively Disagree on the Yasha situation and what it means.

+10 to Beau/Nerdom for identifying the likely location of Caduceus’ Kiln! She’s just a walking encyclopedia, look at her. Also Beau trying very hard but to no avail to understand how the Angel Blood Statues work—even help from Caleb only yields the same old Pre-Calamity nonsense, ugh.

+9 to Jester/Beau for Jester trying to mimic Beau’s parkour in battle! Majority of ship points gained because Lavorregard was said in game, you guys really need to make this your official ship name, I’m begging you.

+14 to Beau/Yasha as Beau supports Yasha’s desire to stay in the front, but stays just behind her in Marching order. Asking if Yasha is feeling okay, and also asking “What about Yasha??” when the party begins their escape from the tomb, and defending Yasha’s agency and choice to the others later

+40 to Beau/Search and Rescue. In a move recalling her rescue of Nott from the lava of the Fire Giant’s cave, this time Beau, she of Little Strength, through sheer force of Friendship YANKS a nearly-dead Fjord away from an IMMORTAL CHAMPION OF A GOD and carts him off to safety behind the door, in the most clutch of moves!

-100000 to Yasha/Being A Team Player Between refusing protection from the rest of the party and………other things, twas not a great week for this one

+20 to Yasha/Family Reunions as she’s reunited with Obann and her new brother! Critical Role, showing us some great family values tonight!

+17 to Nott/Yasha as Nott fucking….breaks our hearts by giving Yasha a protective flower even after she stabs her, and reaching out to her as the door shuts! Point loss for Nott’s reaction to Yasha stabbing her being to mock Yasha for not stabbing her harder.

+24 to Jester/Yasha as Jester also supports Yasha’s desire to be in the front, listens to some more celestial music with her, and stays with her to confront Obann on the top of the tomb. Trying so hard to bring her through the door, through Charming and Whipping alike, and screaming after Yasha when it shuts on her. Defending Yasha more than anyone else afterwards, wanting to talk to her more than anything, and not being able to think very clearly about next steps because of her grief. Point loss for, y’know, the stabbing

+20 to Nott/Jester as Jester is Incapable of directly lying to Nott, and admits that she has the flask. Nott only being sad that Jester wouldn’t talk to her about her concerns, and saying she “couldn’t stay mad” at Jester. Them talking about how they can rely on each other, how Jester is always standing beside Nott, and Nott confessing how she’s scared and she just wants to be on an adventure right now and not think about anything else. Jester confessing in turn how afraid she is! Hugs, that most wonderful of #BodyContact! And Nott being a little salacious in loudly announcing No One Should Make Upskirt Paintings of Jester, though +4 to Pants/Cockblocking for that literally being impossible. Point loss for Jester’s heartbreak over Nott immediately getting drunk again after her flask is returned.

+9 to Caduceus/Fjord as Caduceus very sincerely mimics Fjord’s “Hey,” and for all but shouting that no one is stupid after Fjord puts himself and the rest down for not anticipating Yasha’s actions. Caduceus’ Bless coming in Very Useful in allowing Fjord to score a killing blow. Point loss for Fjord seeming to doubt whether the Kiln is actually going to be helpful for this current situation.

+10 to Caduceus/“Staff” Dysfunction as he just can’t use the damn thing to finish……off Obann

+8 to Caduceus/Jester as Caduceus in Peak Cute tries to dodge Jester swinging her whip all over the place, saying in a Highly Suspicious Manner that she can really deal some punishment with it, and getting tripped up by it as he tries to make his escape. Dare I say it….this boy is Whipped.

+1 to Nott/Yeza Yeza was mentioned! Nott loves him, it looks like.

+40 to Fjord/The Laughing Hand/Exandria’s Next Top Model as the Laughing Hand does a walkway and pivot as he’s introduced. Fjord, too, is given a Fashion Runway Of Fire by Special Effects Man Caleb Widogast, who wants to see Fjord to snatch the competition from the jaws of defeat

LIKE A BRIDGE OVER TROUBLED WATER, I WILL LAY ME DOWN *Ahem* So, we all know that episode 69 must, absolutely must have Peak Shipping Vibes, which is particularly exciting considering the fun times we’ve had this week. Thank you to @softazelma and @alarnia for helping with data entry. Masterpost here.

+22 to Jester/Nott. Jester ships had an……….odd week. On the one hand, ordinarily Not Being Present automatically cuts down on one’s ability to gain ship points, but the calculators truly don’t know what to do with the strange mishmash of botting and texting in instructions that was this episode. But in spite of all of this, this ship EARNED, with Nott discussing how CUTE and Totally Not A Suspect Jester is. But more importantly, the BATTLE POINTS!!! Nott overcoming her terror and staying on the bridge so she could cut Jester down from the roper! Falling off the bridge herself in consequence! Jester diving off the bridge into the JAWS OF DEATH, just to pull off that most legendary of #Sapphic spells, Dimension Door, to whisk them both away to safety! #ItPaysToBeADamselInDistress! Extra Drama Points for Travis refusing to let Jester do this and Laura nearly physically manifesting in the studio to tell him off until he let her. Point loss for Nott being mind controlled into stabbing at Jester immediately afterwards. The……the drama……………….

+90 to Jester/MVP How…..how can Laura not even be here and Jester do so much? Pass Without A Trace! Blessing of the Trickster! Banishment! Dimension Door! Opening the musical door! At every turn, Jester was doing essential work, saving the rest of the party even at cost to her own well-being. She was on FIRE.

+10 to Humans/Humanity as Beau is pleased to see Caleb expressing jealousy, a “basic human emotion,” and Caleb too managing to see past Beau’s Inability To Change Her Tone Or Expression and recognizing her attempt to joke around with him.

-4 to Nott/Being A Team Player for her terrified loudness repeatedly making stealthing difficult, panicking hard enough to cut the ropes keeping her connected to the party and nearly getting herself killed, urging Caleb to abandon everyone behind the mirrors. Points gained back, however, for her disconnect with the party being the thing  that helped save them, for bravely remaining on the bridge when they were attacked, and for continuing to do all the things she is afraid of because they are asking it of her,

+20 to Nott/Yasha as these two reach a new milestone of friendliness in their relationship. Yasha and Nott discussing their fears, Yasha being proud of Nott’s sobriety, Nott listening to Yasha’s request not to search other’s belongings, Nott maybe revealing something interesting about herself in that she instantly thinks of death by electricity to the genitals, and saying she’s of course going to listen to Yasha as long as she uses that Intimidatingly Sexy tone of voice to order her around. Nott accidentally spilling Caleb’s secret, but Yasha earning her trust by not judging, and promising to keep it secret, making them a Special Secret Keeping Duo apart from the rest. One of the most effective ways to earn Ship Points with Yasha is through inside jokes, and these two manage that as well, making up ridiculous figures of speech about killing one’s entire family and throwing each other off of bridges. Point loss because that’s a severely questionable inside joke, but hey! It works for them.

+4 to Yasha/Being A Trendsetter, as we learn that Yasha actually tries very hard to be the inimitable fashion and lifestyle icon that she is. Teach her the cool and hip phrases, the slang, let her be trendy.

+27 to Fjord/Caduceus as they have another, ANOTHER Deep and Personal Watch together, where Fjord opens up to Caduceus about his Feelings about the Wildmother, and manages to learn more about what makes Caduceus tick than most others have managed so far—that he smiles when he’s afraid, that he does so because his siblings apparently loved to terrorize him. Fjord keeping an eye out for Caduceus’ fear the next day! Caduceus following Fjord into the mirrors and finishing off two of the threats! Casting detect magic for Fjord! Pulling out the knife for him! Caduceus offering to hold Fjord’s hand when he’s afraid and asking for a hand to hold, though +20 to Yasha/Cockblocking and +20 to Jester/Cockblocking for robbing him of the opportunity. Point loss, too, for Caduceus not managing to give Fjord a clear answer about his family or the goddamn number of siblings he has when Fjord tries to get him to open up about it, Fjord trying to stab Caduceus, and Fjord completely failing to quietly move the plank on the bridge, despite Caduceus’ faith in him

+9 to Fjord/The Wildmother as he wants to make it veryveryvery clear that he wants to be allowed to fight for her. Thanking her specifically whenever Caduceus casts a spell or heals…..please Melora, throw this poor desperate warlock a bone

+18 to Fjord/Jester as Jester snatches that handholding opportunity! Jester panicking and trying to get into the mirrors, panicking more as she fails. Fjord being a Little Shit and yoinking her inside once the coast is clear and yelling about them dying. Were Laura here, I’m sure we would have heard Jester also being a Little Shit and participating in the prank.

+4 to Jester/Yasha there’s nothing to say that her panic and desire to get into the mirrors wasn’t for Yasha’s sake, now is there? Huh???????????? What are you saying??????????????????????????????????? I can’t hear???????????????????????????????????????????????????????

+18 to Caleb/Caduceus as Caleb continues to just demand Caduceus’ help for everything under the sun. Caduceus making it a Priority to reassure a panicking Caleb that everything is just fine in mirrorland, and getting confused when Caleb gets spooked. Caleb offering to make Caduceus smaller which was totally completely about making the bridge weight situation less precarious and Not At All about making it theoretically easier to snatch a kiss, oh no. Caduceus trying very hard to understand weight distribution in response to Caleb’s concerns, and deciding to just hug Caleb through his momentary bloodlust on the bridge, That’s Love. The moment is somehow even funnier when you consider that Caduceus is technically hanging over the side of the bridge at the time. Like, you seem like the one in need of comfort here, Caduceus.

+16 to Beau/Jester as Beau gets this campaign’s iconic Critical Fail Of Love to attack Jester while her mind was confused, because there’s no one around she wants to attack less than Jester. The sheer agony on her face as she swung….That’s Love. The two of them being Amazing Detective Partners as Beau instantly understands the musical nature of the door puzzle, and Jester using her musical talents and memory of the angel statue song to unlock it! Also, +9 to Beau/Jester/Yasha for Jester and Yasha working together to drag Beau back up by the ropes after she walks over the side, as well as no one being certain which of the three of them is being talked about when the suggestion to “talk to an angel” is raised.

+13 to Caleb/Jester for Jester noting Caleb’s trouble with stealth and giving him Blessing of The Trickster, thus channeling his own preference for Buffing As A Language Of Love. Bonus drama points for Laura having to call Travis’ phone to correct his spell usage to Save The Caleb #ItPaysToBeADamselInDistress

+1 to Nott the Best Detective Agency/Detective Work as Nott believes stabbing the angel statue makes a whole lot more sense than just sheathing the weapon in the space made for it, but Jester making up for it by cracking the musical door puzzle. However, +15 to Fjord and Beau/Detective Work for concentrating very productively on how to escape from the mirrors, discovering the knife that was the key to the puzzle and getting it out with Caduceus’ assistance. (That’s -5 to Fjord/Upper Body Strength though)

+3 to Jester/Caduceus as Jester (again, dicey with botting) calls Caduceus handsome!

+5 to Caleb/Adele, as he thinks about saying hello to the other side. He’s very sorry for everything that he’s done.

+14 to Caleb/Fjord as Caleb tries very hard, very dangerously and against all common sense to retrieve a magical whip from a cage on the bridge, purely because Fjord really really wanted it. Boy better be appreciative after all the trouble it caused. Caleb being a Little Shit by joking about Fjord wanting to take a dump over the bridge. Point loss for Fjord causing the exact same panic Caleb had to deal with in the Happy Fun Ball when he pursues Yasha into the mirror dimension. Fjord ships are, evidently, made for heart attacks.

-50 to Nott/Lying for a) casually spilling her best friend’s deepest darkest secret, b) not even managing to convince arguably the most gullible member of the party that she didn’t actually mean what she said, and c) trying to convince Fjord that it was “too dark” for her to scout ahead, when absolutely everyone knows she has darkvision.

My initial personal notes for this sort of—ended, at a very specific part of the episode, which says something about how stressful combat was. Thank you to @Alarnia @softazelma @handelgamer and Meenah for helping out with data entry. Masterpost here, data entry here. 

Corrections: An additional +5 to Caleb/Caduceus from last week for “I guess I want what you want” from Caduceus. That’s a lot

-30 to Everyone/Detective Work. What’s that saying? Assumptions make an ass out of you and me? Despite their sincere and assiduous questioning and investigations, the M9 are made to learn that lesson the hard way, with everything they think they know from the scout to the “drow” to the blond dude to battle strategy turning out to be horribly mistaken.

+5 to Fjord/Caduceus as Fjord specifically inquires “Caduceus, how are you feeling” like the considerate worrywart he is before the Bright Queen meeting, and Caduceus getting very excited about finally having the money to pursue his personal Sword project for resident Sword-Swallower Fjord when they get paid. Caduceus supporting Fjord’s ideas, and joining the Micro Plan team opposed to Beau and Caleb’s Macro Plan Team.

-10 to Nott/Being A Team Player. On the one hand, this sweetheart offered to stay up all night on watch and take exhaustion so that her precious friends could get some uninterrupted sleep. On the other hand, she encountered a peak #Jenga moment, unfortunately not making the same WIS save Vax did, and stuck a bunch of arrows into Yasha. (also -30 to Nott/Yasha, with “I never liked you” and “Stop. Fucking. Hitting. Me.”)

+11 to Nott/Jester as Jester rescues Nott from the Charm! And is also hella charming herself, all “We never said that Nott” and playfully bumping into her when Nott talks about not trusting goblins (+2 to Nott/Fantasy Racism), plotting every type of Shenanigan together from tattoos to forming their own country, and shouting “HOW MUCH” at the exact same time when they get paid by the Bright Queen. They’re so much on the same page it’s terrifying.

+13 to Caleb/Fjord/Jester A pretty amazing week for this triad, between all three of them being Strategic Masterminds in effusive agreement with each other, over everything from being in the building to letting the attack go off without a hitch to murdering everyone in the meeting. Caleb and Jester together saving Fjord from his abyssal attempts to stealth, Caleb and Fjord’s Mutual Worrywarting over Jester’s long absence, and both Fjord and Caleb’s spellwork being employed to Save Jester on her moth mission.

+15 to Fjord/Jester but Fjord’s version of spellcaster-to-the-rescue was a lot more flashy, and he suffered being thrown around and bruised for her sake. That’s love. Jester notices this and thanks him, to his extreme flusterment, gives him credit for the Gold Chain Mercenary information, and plans with him as a Disguising Duo to fake being the hobgoblin and drow together, and we all know that those who engage in Jester Plots gain points. Points taken away because the spying/mole conversation was probably somewhere around the opposite of cute, you cannot convince me I’m supposed to enjoy listening to people discussing checking out moles for diseases. Like…no. That’s gross and not in the fun way.

+4 to Fjord/That One Gnoll as he gets thrown—head over heels! into the alleyway. Also of note is Fjord saying “You’re strong!” in what sounds like a suspiciously flirty drunken tone, while bruised and spreadeagled on the street. We learn more about you every day, Fjord.

+17 to Caleb/Jester as Jester tries very hard to employ her spellwork and Pass Without a Trace to Save The Caleb (#ItPaysToBeADamselInDistress), Caleb’s buffing as usual serving as an Expression of Affection, and Caleb coming up with Goth Moth Shenanigans for Jester to spy with, demonstrating not only his implicit trust in her but also how keenly he’s tuned into Jester’s preferred aesthetic, of all things. Turning to Jester first for help with the dragonborn, Jester elbowing the shit out of Caleb, and looking to Caleb to count out their gold like the fey child he is because she’s tuned into his quirks as well! Discussing making a coffee table together! Jester alone trying to play dumb about the Scourger business even as Nott Fuck-Secrets the Brave puts a blinking sign over Caleb when they’re with the Bright Queen, perhaps sensing (a beat late) that maybe Caleb isn’t super eager to talk about that all the time.

+7 to Yasha/Jester as even Moth!Jester knows how to make Yasha feel like a fairy princess, alighting on her finger like the soft and thoughtful gal she is.

+8 to Caleb/Fjord as they continue to work Very Well together with crowd control and murdering poor defenseless scouts and their horses. Fjord being very much “on the same page” with Caleb re: everything, except maybe the horse-killing, for which we may expect point losses as he makes plans to talk to that motherfucker (before or after he talks to that motherfucker, though?) But, use of Counterspell, that quintessential Cool Caleb spell? That’s Fjord’s magical crush to the rescue, though point loss for them all letting the “drow” get away anyway.

-4 to Caduceus/Metaphors. He thinks making barrels is like putting on pants, and gets horribly muddied. Then, just when he thinks he has a handle on that analogy, Beau changes it around on him and starts talking about wagon wheels! He just can’t win.

-6 to Caleb/Task Switching This boy does not respond well to sudden changes in plans. You tell him to stop the dragonborn, he will pick the Most Effective Method Of Accomplishing That, subtlety and consequences be damned. Does not seem to process that they are not in fact planning on murdering/imprisoning Moro and her employee when the fighting is over, because They Already Discussed This, That Was The Plan, Why Are You Changing The Plan?

+8 to Caleb/Caduceus. A tumbleweed of a week for these two, unfortunately, except that Caleb chose Caduceus for his Special Dunamancy Buffing (Skin Contact! Magical Expressions of Love!), and Caduceus finishing off the enemy Caleb had been trying and trying for ages to murder—appropriately, with fire. Proving their compatibility in how neither of them mind hanging around the smell of rotting flesh, which unlike moles is romantic because it’s Goth.

+6 to Beau/Yasha Beau attempts to grab arrows out of thin air to save Yasha, and hot damn would that have been a slam dunk in points if she succeeded. These two continuing their Battle Couple vibes, with Beau looking to Yasha to figure out what the hell is going on and supporting her in her fight against the assholes.’

+16 to Beau/Jester for flirty hellos in the midst of battle, and Jester instantly reassuring Beau that Dairon won’t kill her, she’s so powerful and strong. Beau thinking of only Jester in her Very Shouty Plotting, thinking Jester can totally singlehandedly handle the whole rendezvous situation by herself and with two spells, because Jester is That Cool.

+350 to Beau/Stress (and +20 to Beau/Nerdom) as Beau’s copious anxiety-notes come to the rescue while they speak with the Bright Queen. Anxiously admitting she “thought of that” to every doomsday scenario presented to her about Dairon, half-screaming about the possibility of being murdered, and shrinking into herself as she says that maybe—maybe she can get away with not telling Dairon everything. Caleb employing Frumpkin to scarf around her because she’s starting to become even more of a basket case than he is. (Also, +12 to Caleb/Cat-Shaped Creatures, with this, Frumpkin surveillance, and cat-beats-horse badassery)

+10 to Fjord/His Inner Bard because apparently rhyming is just his thing now—addicted after “How much time, Keen Mind?” we now have the instantly iconic “Analysis Paralysis” and the return of the horrible, wailing Song of Distraction which seems specifically calibrated to induce vertigo and shut down brain function.

+10 to Caleb/Essik as Essik repeatedly vouches for the M9’s trustworthiness and capabilities “…and my tutelage.” Because the Bright Queen definitely needed to know that last part. Said in a sufficiently odd tone of voice that the Bright Queen “gives him a look” because she knows her spymaster, and he has apparently been sucked dry of subtlety for this conversation

+12 to Jester/The Bright Queen because Jester is fixated on what the Bright Queen is wearing at all given times, apparently, and gets squirmy and blushy over blue shimmery gems, and she cannot bear to leave without telling the Bright Queen how beautiful her outfit is, gosh, and daydreaming about tattooing her, which would involve contact with Skin and the possibility for Undress as well. Jester also outs herself as secretly wanting the BQ to be her sugar momma, hoping for an expensive dress to be gifted to her in return for the information they shared.

+25 to the Mighty Nein/The Skeletons in Their Closet as the Mighty Nein channel Leaky Tap vibes by bedding down with a mystery corpse. This time, one they can eat, theoretically. Also, that business with the Scourgers, and Orphanmaker???