Why I cosplay
I…I just want to explain something. No one was asking, but I just feel like I want this put out there so I can feel better. Just over a year ago…my life was falling apart. My best and only friend had gotten into an emotionally abusive relationship with a manipulative dirt bag who I tried to help her see through, only for him to turn around and try to get her to abandon me. He had her so brainwahsed he nearly succeeded. In fact, I thought he would. At the same time, I had just gotten into the Creepypasta fandom. Now, looking back, as someone who had just been diagnosed with cronic anxiety, moderate depression, and a few mild personaltity disorders, as well as being told that my paranoia and hallucinations could easily develope into schizophrenia and was being put under an enormous amount of pressure on top of that, reading about teenagers with issues like mine who snapped and murdered either their families, schools, ect. might not have been the best choice. But…it helped. Creepypasta, anime, and Marvel were all fandoms that I could immerse myself in to escape reality, which I really needed to do, seeing as I had just started a new school and was on the way to losing my only friend, just after I lost three cats and everything I owned in a house fire the year before, had three pets die over the summer and was only about thirteen. Then, things got good. I made a friend at school who got me into the Robotics club, which I never thought I’d enjoy, but was actually amazing. I had friends in that club and was finally part of a team for the first time ever. I was still watching Marble Hornets and reading comic books, but my fandoms became a fun escape instead a safe place. Then, I found out my friend from school liked Creepypasta, too, and was the only person I had met who had also watched Marble Hornets. We talked about this a bit, and I found out he knew much more about it all than I did, so I tried to catch up. As it had turned out, I was in the rather…stupid…side of the fandom. In trying to escape it and get back to the good horror, I found @rammyzcosplay, which I’ve tagged because ANYONE READING THIS WHO SO MUCH AS KNOWS WHAT CREEPYPASTA IS NEEDS TO CHECK THIS BLOG OUT!!! Well, I got excited about my introduction into the serious side of the fandom. I talked about it a bit more than I should have and made the mistake of drawing fan art. I kept my drawing in my locker, and it wasn't even gory or bad, just a picture of Tim and a ghost version of Jay watching over him, but my locker had a bad habbit of being broken into. Well, basically, I went to a bible school. Yeah…Creepypasta and hardcore Christianity don’t go together, it seems. Not to mention, everyone there was still freaking out about the Slender-Man stabbing. That wouldn’t have been too bad, but rumors started spreading, I tried to stop them but couldn’t, and I ended up getting kicked out. I had been bullied all my life and that was the first school I had ever liked, but then I had to leave. I lost my school, my pets, my home, my possessions, and was in the process of losing my only friend. Even the dog that I had since I was three years old died. I was only thirteen. Between all that and my mental health issues, I couldn’t handle it. I shut down. I started cutting. I nearly stopped eating. I couldn’t sleep, and when I did I had nightmares. I became suicidal. Then, I went back and read more of JackRammyz’s theories and watched ALL of his and SixSeams’ videos. I found the blogs of @jess-kitten, @ranged-death, and @spectregeneral66. I saw their cosplays, their videos, and how good of friends they all were. More importantly, I saw how happy they all were. So, I put on a black dress, an apple core necklace, stockings, boots, and styled my hair a certain way and did an amateur Misa Amane cosplay from Death Note. I liked it. So, I got a few wigs from the internet and put together cosplays of the Death Note characters: Near, Mello, and L. Then, I was in a Death Note role play group on Facebook, and I met a boy who was…well…awesome. His name was Matt and he had the BEST Matt cosplay from Death Note. Then I realized we lived only 40 minutes away from each other. So, we met up at a mall that was equally close to both our houses and decided to cosplay in public because we were a little crazy. He was Matt and I was L. My friend, who ended up leaving the abusive manipulator, dressed as Mello. At one point, Matt took a Pokeball from his pocket, opened it, took out a pair of dice, yelled, “Near, I choose you!” and threw them. I screamed, “MY SUCCESSOR!!!” and chased after them, only to trip and hit the ground. We all laughed. So did some strangers. It was fun. We got lunch and had the name on the order set to Wammy’s House. When they called it, a girl looked up and saw us and FREAKED OUT. Matt and I are still best friends. My other friend is still by my side. I kept the friend from the Bible school and now I attend public school. I kept cosplaying and have gone to a few cons, where I’ve made seven friends, and met my girlfriend (I’m pansexual). I’ve cosplayed characters from Tokyo Ghoul, Death Note, Mirai Nikki, Five Nights at Freddy’s, and Creepypasta. I hope to be on a Black Butler Cosplay fan panel in June, and even have a YouTube channel where I’ve done a few cosplay videos and made a couple Death Note theories. I don’t self harm anymore, my scars have healed, and I can handle my mental illnesses. I’m a happy, healthy fifteen year old who almost didn’t live to make it this far and thought my life was over, only a year ago. I even took up writing and have finally completed a full novel. I know what I want to do with my life. I’m in a good place. It may sound strange, but it’s all because of Six Seams and cosplay, the hobby they inspired. So…even though they likely get a lot of fan mail and will likely never see this, you all have kept me alive. Thank you.
