#jerrykev

I read them all by now. This ship is so good.

Hey, (little) guy

Mr and Mr Graves

That kind of thing is hard to ignore Got a funny feeling you don’t love me anymore

for Weird Al!Anon who asked for an edit based on this song like a month ago. I hope it’s not too terrible!

Concept: perpetual teenager vampire!Kevin, who moves into the abandoned house next door to biker!Jerry, who works as a mechanic by day and maybe a little drug dealing on the side.

And it's none ofJerry's business, but the kid does look really young and he keeps bringing back questionable types. If he talks to the kid its because he doesn't want any trouble, not because he's concerned, and definitely not because when the kid's too-small t-shirts ride up and show that tantalising strip of skin it makes Jerry want to do terrible things to him and teach the boy some manners, teach him plead and beg nicely and no, no absolutely not.

But Kevin does have such a pretty mouth.

Kevin likes his new neighbour a lot. He likes how he looks at him like he wants to devour him. He likes how his eyes linger on Kevin's midriff when he make sure to wear his kiddie size shirts, and on Kevin's ass in his too tight jeans and on his mouth. He especially likes how Jerry - and what kind of stupid name is Jerry - looks at his mouth, he can't peel his eyes away from them when Kevin talks.

He likes how Jerry looks when he's working in his garden or on his bike, covered in oil and dirt in that white vest that leaves nothing for Kevin's imagination. He thinks about how those hands would feel touching his face, gripping his hips, wrapped around his neck. He likes how Jerry acts stern with him, how he 'll toss him an apple sometimes on his way out and say something cutting and snarky about the number of one night stands Kevin has. He's so transparently jealous it's cute. Kevin even likes how Jerry will never let him in, some line apparently that he's decided not to cross. He likes that Jerry wont make things easy for him, that he's giving him a chase.

Cos I really love the idea of wizards just not being phased by Jerry AT ALL. And this annoys him, but he also secretly likes it. 

He shows up at the Woolworth’s building and they’re just like “Percy! Your uncle’s back!”

Muggles are starting to notice people are going missing, Abernathy just sighs “Dammit, Jerry!” and calls the Obliviators.  (In this au they don’t really care if he feeds off No-Maj’s as long as they don’t notice) 

 Jerry tries to work his vampire mo-jo on Queenie, she just laughs and pats his head. “Oh, you’re sweet honey, but I’m not into that sort of thing.” 

Tina hates him because Graves always puts her on Vampire-Sitting duty when she screws up (which is often) and he’s a little afraid of her because she will not hesitate to put him in a full body bind and throw him in a closet if he annoys her too much. And she’s always criticising his eating habits. “Dammit Jerry, why teenagers? People care when young people go missing. They have friends! They have parents! Why can’t you eat some crotchety old person who lives alone with their cats?”

He’s fond of Percival, and keeps trying to convince him to let him turn him before he “gets too old”. “Dammit Jerry, stop asking me that! I have actual work to do. Why don't you make yourself useful. I have four very uncooperative suspects to interview, but if I threaten to feed them to a vampire they may be more forthcoming.” “Can I eat them after?” “Dammit Jerry! No!”

When Percival starts hooking up with Credence Barebone, Jerry tries to talk to him about this kid (Charley? Kevin?) who’s a pain in Jerry’s ass. and Percy’s just “What? Someone saw you? Either eat him or we’ll send the Obliviators over.”

Jerry: mumbles 

Percival: What? 

Jerry: You have one, why can’t I?