#jennson

He would have moments where he would stop and stare into space, somehow contemplating everything he was doing.

“What’s on your mind?” Jenn asked, rubbing his back while his eyes were locked on one of his many suitcases.

“It’s hard to believe.”

“What is?”

“I’m finally moving back home.”

Her heart broke a little more. She couldn’t tell if it was intentional, but the tiny comments he made about going back home and seeing his family hurt. She was happy for him nonetheless. She was happy he could be with his parents everyday and be just within walking distance of his siblings. But it would make the distance between them even farther.

The two sat down together and thought long and hard about what they were going to do now that they were free. It was always his one priority to go back home and see his family.

She knew she was being selfish, she beat herself up everyday. She was silent around his friends that were helping him move things and vacate their apartment they shared together.

Hearing her heels echo in the empty apartment was hard. She walked in on him staring out the glass window. They had a nice view of the city. There were so many long nights they spent together. Many fond memories. 

She whistled, hearing it bounce off the walls made her uneasy. Realization was really starting to hit her.

“Whatcha looking at?” Jenn joined him by his side, holding his hand and looking up at him.

“It’s different without the curtains.” He chuckled.

He was rather giddy, something she wasn’t for the past couple of weeks. “I hated the sunlight in the morning.” She smirked.

“Yes, you did.” He turned, wrapping his arms around her waist. She hugged him back, pressing her face against his shirt and inhaling his scent. The scent she had been so familiar with all these years.

“You’re gonna be okay.” Mark kissed the top of her head, bringing one of his hands to brush through her hair. “I’ll be back in a couple of months, it will be fine.”

“It’s easier said than done, Mark.” Her voice muffled by her face buried deep in his chest.

“We’re gonna be just fine.” He whispered, sighing, “We just won’t be able to do the physical stuff for a while.”

The members tried their best to meet up before he had to leave. They had lunch, while Jenn remained quiet for most of the day. She knew his mind was about to combust, she didn’t want to overwhelm him. But this wasn’t about her. She knew in her mind she was being selfish.

She watched him say goodbye to everyone. There was a heavy weight on her chest that was just dying to burst. She even thought he might forget to say goodbye to her. The moment felt so stretched out. There were so many goodbyes and good lucks given. 

When his eyes finally landed on hers, her tense shoulders relaxed. He pushed his hands into his sleeves and wrapped his arms around her. She hugged him so tight, tighter than she’d ever hugged him before. Jenn did not want to let him go.

He felt her shaking under his touch, “You’re gonna be okay. they’ll look after you.”

“Don’t forget what we agreed on,” She kept her speech steady, “promise me”

“I promise, Jenn”

She nodded, inhaling deeply for the last time. “Be safe, please”

“It’s okay” He had overused the phrase in the previous weeks, she was getting tired of hearing it. No one knew if she was gonna be okay or not.

She stepped back, Mark saying goodbye to everyone one last time before getting in the car. She had lazily walked with the Jaebeom, Jackson, and Yugyeom while eyeing the car. The tears were building up. She tried her best to keep them at bay this entire time. It was not about her.

Looking back once more, she saw the van driving away. Stopping in her tracks, her lips quivered and the weight on her chest was finally suffocating her. She sobbed silently, holding her neck while trying to make a sound.

“Jenn?” Jackson turned around for a split second, noticing she was not keeping up with the rest. This caused the rest of the members to stop too.

Jackson sprinted back to her, gently pushing her hair out of her face to find her red, glassy eyes along with the pinks of her cheeks. They really didn’t know how to react to her. Her cries were silent, which wasn’t normal when she did cry.

Jaebeom tapped Jackson, nodding to let him know he had everything under control.

“Jenn” The leader uttered her name, taking her mask off. She began gasping for air as all the feeling came back to her face. Jaebeom took his coat right off his shoulders, even within the cold weather, and pulled it over her body. He grabbed her hands and guided her to the cold ground to sit.

The sobs were terrifying to the other members, and all Jaebeom could do was hold her. He knew she wasn’t in a state to listen to others, to get her out of public to have her breakdown. She needed to feel everything at that moment.

Jackson and Yugyeom stood around her, glaring at any citizens who dared to stare or even whisper about her.

2018.06.09

PARIS

“We’re currently on the plane from Berlin to Paris” Jenn whispered, filming her check-in.

“I wanted to personally give a thank you to all the people around the world who have made this tour and our success possible”

“I used to dream about going to Paris, drinking wine, and standing under the Eiffel tower” She dazed off into the distance, “and because of you, I am able to do all of those things”

“I might have to go easy on the wine though” She chuckled, “I’m glad we have a few days to explore”

“I am signing out now. Thank you again, we love you” She blew a kiss to the camera, pulling the ropes on her hoodie to shut the lights out.

⋙

“Bam… you’ve got something there” Jenn giggled, pulling on the collar of his jacket. The place must’ve left the security tag on.

The group laughed as BamBam tried to reach over and under his back to find the tag.

The members were going on a boat to perfectly tour around the city, and get a good look at the tower.

Jenn admired the sight of raindrops on the water, breathing in the fresh scent of the earth. It was all interrupted as BamBam made nonhuman noises, trying to get people's attention from the bridge.

“I think you’re scaring them” She trailed off, Jaebeom laughing with her as BamBam made a fool out of himself.

The boys swore she almost gone overboard when someone shouted the Eiffel Tower. She hopped on her feet and trying to find a good view to take pictures.

“Where’s her life jacket?” Youngjae joked.

The cameraman was able to catch a short glimpse of Jenn asking BamBam to take a picture of her and Mark in front of the scenery.

“Look at it! It’s so beautiful” Her eyes gleamed, her hands resting on his chest.

Jinyoung jumped in front of the camera to block them, holding his mouth as if he was going to throw up.

The members all screamed at the people passing by on another truck. Jenn crossed her arms, trying to step away and admire more of the structures.

The boat tour came to an end, everyone getting off and joining in a circle.

“I screamed the whole ride” BamBam held his throat, chuckling.

“Time to go on vocal rest” She raised her eyebrows, knowing that wasn’t possible even for him.

“Let’s all get a lot of rest for the show tomorrow! See you” She waved with the boys, yawning.

2018.06.10

PARIS D-DAY

Jenn fluffed her hair out, looking in the mirror as attention was drawn to Jackson.

“It’s his first time wearing contact lenses” Bambam wrapped his arm around him.

“Really? First time?” She tried looking at him straight in the eyes, observing the new lenses.

“They look good on you” She put her hands on her hips, “You look more feminine”

BamBam broke out in laughter as Jackson stood with a straight face. Jenn widened her eyes, afraid what she said might’ve been offensive.

“No no! You suit them!” She waved her hands, trying to redeem herself, “You look like a puppy! Wang puppy!”

Jackson let out his high pitched laugh, putting his hand on her shoulder to let her know it’s okay.

⋙

“Paris! Is it hot in here?” Jenn shouted into the mic, out of breath with her hand on her hip. The venue had no air-conditioning that day. She got shy as everyone screamed.

During the encore, she was able to grab a paper fan from a girl in the audience. She waved it while the boys all did their ending speeches. As they finished and got to Jenn, they all got jealous of her source of coldness.

“Oh, sorry” She hid the fan behind her back.

“I didn’t know that our fans could get any more beautiful than Paris, but you guys did it”

“I love you, let’s have some more fun before the night is over!”

Jenn kneeled down grabbing a paper from a boy in the audience. She smiled wide as she read it. He wrote down an address of where to get the best wine in town. She nodded her head and thanked him, giving him a thumbs up that she would go try it.

2018.06.11

“Hi” Jenn waved to the camera, setting it down across from her.

“The boys have gone and explored Paris while I insisted on trying some wine here”

“I heard from a fan yesterday that this was the place to get some good wine. Except no one is here to stop me from drinking too much but it’ll be fine!” She joked.

“Youngjae really needs to help me with my tolerance”

She studied all the flavors and different kinds of wines.

“I’m supposed to meet the boys somewhere after this so I can’t take long”

The bartender put the drinks she picked out in tiny sample glasses. She downed one glass, her eyes widening at how good it tasted.

“Wow, this is so good”

She tried another out, her face going sour as she didn’t like the taste.

“I wonder if I can take home the first one”

⋙

Jenn met back up with the members. They looked her up and down, seeing the bag in her hand.

“What? I wanted to get a souvenir” She said in defense.

2018.06.16

TAIPEI

The group finished performing ‘Thank You’, expecting to lead right into the ending ment. Each member was taken off guard when a video project started playing from the fans of Taipei.

Jenn watched the video with her arms crossed. She frowned as her heart became full. She teared up as the video ended and everyone began to scream.

“I don’t think there are any words to express how grateful I am towards everyone. It really is impossible” She shook her head, “Until there comes a day that I can give back all that you’ve given to us, I will not stop working as hard as I can to better myself for you. Thank you”

2018.06.30

JAKARTA

Jenn took her earpiece out to hear the venue sing back to them. She smiled so big, it was actual music to her ears.