#jemar

The Falcon and the Winter Soldier: John Walker x Lemar Hoskins having a relaxing summer vacation

I miss those dorks too and hope to unleash their quality as nerds and troublemakers onto all of you again soon. Drabble Collection on Ao3 Drabble Collection on Fanfiction.net Ship: Jemar Human AU/Mafia AU Buy Me a Coffee “This is an outrage!” “What is an outrage now, Liebste? Graffiti? No Graffiti?” Alexander asks, walking over and holding onto the arm of his girlfriend, his beer in the other hand. Pia frowned: “… I forgot.” She sighed frustrated and turned around, sliding down at the wall of the house; the Weimarer did the same.

i mean, when he had his breakdown, he shut down his emotions himself with "time to go to work". then he was attacked to take the shield. when the government fired John, they weren’t interested in the context.

no one cared that Lemar - his friend, his brother - was unjustly killed.

even with Lemar's parents, John couldn't be honest. not because he wanted to be a hero in their eyes who had avenged their son, but because he wanted to give them peace.

I can’t imagine how awful John felt when he realized that not only had he failed to protect Lemar, who had sacrificed himself for him, but that he couldn’t even avenge him. he knows he made the right decision when he chose to save the senators who fired him, but that doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt like hell, doesn’t feel like he’s a betrayer.

and considering John’s mental state and his defense mechanisms dialed up to the max… he really didn’t stand a chance of truly processing his grief for Lemar.

eventually, he plunged into his work, running away from reality and not noticing that he was leaving behind not only ghosts but also the living ones, his family.

oh my...

It’s no secret that the Captain America way was hard for John. His PTSD worsened every day; he became increasingly jittery and less restrained. But you know what? He never took his frustrated disappointment out on Lemar. Seriously, there wasn’t even a hint of anything like that (people often lash out at their loved ones without meaning to). No matter what state John was in, he ALWAYS listened to his friend, brother.

In fact, Lemar is the only reason John lasted as long as he did, and when he was gone, John’s world ended and he snapped.

John loved Lemar so much, it’s just painful, and it’s not an exaggeration to say that "two people died that day, but only one stopped breathing", because after Lemar’s loss, John was never the same: he continued to fall into the abyss, not even trying to climb out.