local orphan gets adopted by this well-off family??? he had this bff who was his adopted brother???? but then he became a vampire and turned evil, so then his brother like, became a vampire hunter because dio fucking brando is literally the embodiment of evil????
also they went to egypt and there was this super nice guy with ridiculously long hear and his name was fucking Speedwagon???? I can’t believe that’s a real name???? he died????????
and then literally peoples’ fighting spirits start taking mortal form and they have ridiculous powers and then Dio fucking Brando literally ruins shit and at once point he became god but he died by temporal paradox because there was literally no other way to kill him.
also there was that time that Dio fucking Brando beheaded his adoptive brother (what the fuck dude) and then put his head on the body of his adoptive brother???? and then proceeded to fuck a bunch of people???? so now there’s a bunch of people who are the spawn of Dio fucking Brando bot are also officially part of the Jojo Line™
THEN ITS ALTERNATE UNIVERSE TIME now we’re in the wild west there’s some kind of? race??? the whole plot is literally just some big race? and Dio fucking Brando is back only he’s some kinda raptor spawn and also is vaguely nicer???? and he eats rocks????
AND THEN BACK IN THE ORIGINAL UNIVERSE, LIKE ASSYEARS IN THE FUTURE and now the like, descendants of the Original JJBA Cast are all high school students in japan and Dio fucking Brando’s kid is actually nice, he really wants to be far away from his dad and shit?
also theres a black character whose fighting spirit is like a rooster or a pterodactyl or some shit honestly that guys cool i need more of him
also there’s some weird group of immortal rock men who are the ancestors of vampires and also are aztec even though they were magically imprisoned long before the aztec empire even happened??? are they time travellers? why is one of them named Kars, the fuck kinda mesoamerican name is that
and then jesus and dinosaurs factor in somehow???