#jednote

I rambled and wrote a lot of posts from anger, no, it wasn’t right to say the harsh things that I did, but they were felt and therefore said for the simple fact that tumblr has been my source of venting for many, many, many years.

But since my expressed emotions have offended others, I took down the more explicit writing and will be taking my thoughts ( I’m working on toning down the angry venting ) and such to a new tumblr for a selected group to follow. I’m truly sorry to those that have felt offended by my expressions.

To clarify things here, he did give me a fair shot in the past 6 months. For those 6 months he did show me that he could be a different person. He proved he could be honest and open about his feelings, faithful, considerate, he had the ability to say ‘ no ‘ whenever becky seduced, he was responsible and reasonable in ways that genuinely surprised me within that time frame.

Yet I still had my walls up. A fortress around my heart. Good ol’ Jed, stubborn as always. I still chose to let my fears, anger, resentment and insecurities influence how I treated him those 6 months to the point that I pushed him away without giving the clean slate he asked for. Whether it was because I haven’t fully recovered from all the lies and baby mama drama or not, I admit that it wasn’t fair at all to not even bring down my walls a little bit for him or us. 

I thought I could be stronger, I thought I could break down my walls, I thought I could change my mindset on the cheating and anger that clung deep in my heart. But I failed at all that and instead took it out on what was supposed to be a clean slate. He had his reasons for cheating, not that cheating is ever justified, but I wasn’t present while in college and most of my time was spent fulfilling my dreams in college rather than balancing it out as a long distance girlfriend. My inability to balance and prioritize in college resulted in neglect while he was already lonely in alaska and thus becky was introduced into this long story. There’s a reason behind everything that we do, even when it’s the wrong choice like cheating. Again, not justifying him, rather clarifying that I’m not a perfect human being who tends to push people away intentionally or unintentionally.

I don’t “ hope “ that his daughters will suffer the same fate I did, I mean, I hope no one has to ever go through that many lies and heart-ache. What I do hope, is that he finds happiness, that he gets the clean slate he deserves and lives a fulfilling life now as a father of two. As painful as everything was, I have nothing but sheer faith in that man as a parent. Knowing him for so many damn years, I knew he would be the most badass father and he IS. I’m proud and happy for him because he’s going to continue to make those baby girls happy and guide them towards a beautiful future.

As for becky? Nah that’s where I draw the line. I have a whole lot more of growing and healing before I say/do/write anything close to subtly pleasant about this home wrecker. I’ll admit, she probably had her reasons for being side chick and continuously going after him in these 6 months (technically 4+ years). Everyone has a reason, right? One day….one…far…away..day, I’ll come to grips with an understanding on all that. That’s just not today. Sorry just keeping it 100%.

1.11.2020 💍

Feeling thankful to my friends/family who came to surprise me and support us on this day. 1.11.2020 I said yes to the light of my life, my best friend, my love. Surrounded by our friends and family with nothing but pure joy and love in our hearts.

I know that your last relationship was hard on you. You went through life during that relationship feeling worthless, invisible, and mostly just like a total failure. He didn’t take notice of your efforts and he made you feel shitty for your flaws. 

Remember that you won’t feel this way forever. You won’t have to go through life feeling like no one could ever accept you for who you truly are. Because soon enough someone better is going to come along, I promise. 

The right guy will do anything and everything to make you understand how special you are. Once you meet him, the love you feel won’t even compare to what you had in your past. 

So don’t worry, beautiful. The right love is coming your way and he will love you unconditionally, through every flaw and every mistake. 

1. He will love the way you laugh....

2. And admire your perseverance.

3. The sound of your voice will make him comfortable.

4. When you cry, his heart will break.

5. He’ll look forward to hearing about your day...

6. And he’ll adore the way you act when you’re passionate about something.

7. In your eyes, he'll see his future.

8. Living a life without you in it terrifies him. 

9. Opening up to you won’t be scary for him. 

10. When he has big news, you’re always going to be the first person he thinks to tell. 

11. He will never leave you questioning your self-worth.

12. Because your happiness is a priority to him. 

13. He challenges you to be your best and is challenged by you as well.

14. Because he values your intelligence.

15. He’ll sleep best when you’re by his side.

16. His world feels complete now that you’re in it.

17. Your opinion matters most to him.

18. When he’s angry, he won't take anything out on you. 

19. He'll fall for your smile every time he sees it, and do anything to put one on your face.

20. If you want something, he'll do anythingfor you to have it.

21. He will find interest in your hobbies.

22. He thinks about what your children will look like...

23. Because your future together excites him. 

24. He wants you to be friends with his friends.

25. And he wants your friends to like him.

26. Your family reminds him of you, and that's a reason he adores them.

27. He notices and appreciates your hard work.

28. He compliments you on the little things.

29. Important dates won’t slip his mind, even if he’s busy.

30. He never stops saying “I love you,” no matter how long you’ve been dating.

31. He encourages you to chase your dreams.

32. He loves to surprise you... 

33. Because he remembers the things you talk about. 

34. He completely trusts you.

35. He stands up for you and encourages you to stand up for yourself.

36. Listening to you is never a burden for him.

37. And you’ll never feel like it is.

38. He doesn’t see your flaws as negative...

39. He sees them as what makes up you.

40. And that’s the girl he is madly in love with.

41. You never have to question yourself...

42. Your meaning to him...