#jebval

jeb has to hide his boners when he goes to see valencia in the med wing for his injections :D

i want an early 2000s high school romance movie about jeb and valencia except there's also an element of aliens and apocalypse and its campy and bloody and alien-goopy and they're geeks with glasses and they have a big kiss near the end in wet clothes and drippy hair and jeb almost dies and valencia holds him while she cries and there's a fun soundtrack and a walking around campus montage and they both get into yale at the end because they wrote their essays on the alien invasion they stopped

if you hated yourself more than anything you had ever hated, and you had hated a lot of things, hated a lot of awful things, and then you found someone, loved that someone like they were made for you, (cause they were), loved that someone so much that loving them became who you were, became everything you thought, every goal you kept, every breath in and out for the sake of continuing to love them, if loving them became you, if you became them, wouldn’t you start to hate them too? just the way you hated yourself? the way you hated yourself when you were thirteen and your spine bone stuck out and the boys at school called you names? when you were 18 and you vomited from heat stroke wishing not to have to go back inside? when you were 27 and realized that you hadn’t touched another human in a calendar year? when? how would your hate for them measure up? would you hate the person you love just like you always hated yourself?

thinking about one sided love as a power dynamic skewed towards the person not in love, how much control and influence they have over the one who is. thinking about jeb only feeling free from power being exerted over him when he’s too sick to remember what love is, when he’s out of his head and tearing down the world around him. destroying everything and everyone he would hate most to destroy if he were still himself. how satisfying it is to be free of duty and dedication. how awful it is to watch. how awful it is to be something someone wants to be free of when you haven’t done a thing. when you haven’t done a fucking thing and you just want him to set it down, jeb, set it down, this isn’t you.