Anthony looked around the room a little interestedly, he’d never been to the University of Lincoln before and he was more than a little curious as to where Kate had spent her younger years. Kate was standing a little distance from him talking to her friend whose name Anthony was a little embarrassed to say he didn’t quite remember, Caitlin? Maybe? And Anthony felt a little proud as he watched his beautiful wife, happily engrossed in whatever she was saying, her hands flailing around a little wildly and smiled. He knew that Kate was feeling a little self conscious about herself having just given birth to Edmund six months ago, but she was truly stunning, even in this dim lighting, she hadn’t even wanted to  come tonight saying  “Anthony, I really don’t want to stand in a room with a bunch of people I haven’t seen in nearly ten bloody years, especially looking like a whale!” Anthony had scoffed and it had taken him a good 90 minutes in their bed to convince her that she certainly looked nothing like a whale. 

Anthony shuffled his way over and she heard Kate’s friend whisper, 

“Honestly though Kate, I can’t believe you’re married to Anthony Bridgerton, you lucky bitch! He’s... jesus christ. And the way he looks at you is...” Kate laughed brightly and said

“Mmmm god, Don’t let him hear you say that! His ego is certainly big enough.” 

Anthony had stopped, still some feet from Kate. Not eavesdropping, that would be undignified of course, it just seemed a little awkward to pop up out of nowhere when they were clearly discussing him. A man whistled next to him, and Anthony started a little, too focused on Kate to have seen the man approaching. The man was standing, his shoulders squared making him just slightly taller than Anthony, running his hand through his blonde hair, his square jaw set, his eyes trained on Kate, darting around appreciatively. 

Anthony instantly felt a spark start in his chest, an ugly, angry little emotion. His brow furrowed. 

“God, she still looks amazing.” the man whispered appreciatively to Anthony, who was now eyeing this man distastefully. What kind of man said that to a perfect stranger. Anthony huffed.

“Caitlin?” Anthony said, hedging his bets, more than a little hopefully. The man scoffed. 

“No, Kate Sheffield. God, she was always pretty fit, but she’s really filled out in some of the key areas, you know what I’m saying?” This infuriating man turned to Anthony clearly looking for camaraderie.  Anthony stood, stony faced, anger flaring in his chest. 

“We fooled around a little, but I think it’s time I manage to seal the deal.” And he had such an infuriating smirk on his face that Anthony had to clench his fist to stop himself from punching it right off his face, even as the jealous monster in his chest screamed for retribution. He was sure there was a look of pure hatred etched on his face as he listened to this man objectify is wife, the mother of his child. The man suddenly seemed to take Anthony in, his eyes widening in surprise.

“Sorry, Mate, You look familiar but I can’t remember you name. I’m David Warner.” He smirked, holding his hand out Anthony stared down at it disgustedly. And at just that moment, wonderful amazing Kate looked up and called out.

“Anthony, Honey, stop standing over there awkwardly and come talk to me!” 

Anthony felt the monster in his chest do something startlingly like a purr, and his anger ebbed away. He turned back to David, with a smile on his face feeling awfully smug at the suddenly anxious expression he saw there. He finally took David’s hand, squeezing it very tightly

“Anthony Bridgerton. And She’s Kate Bridgerton, now. Mate.” 

“Stop, Courtney! I love you!” Ian says, as if he’s trying to squeeze the deprecation out of her.

“Okay! I’ll stop!” she says laughing and pushing him away.

Again, Anthony can’t help the jealousy that shoots up inside of him.

--

They film a board game with Arasha and during a break Ian makes some jokes at her expense and she deadpans about being an orphan. Ian laughs and wraps an arm around her shoulder, “Oh stop, you know I love you. You’re my son.”

--

There is the time when they are leaving for the end of the day and Spencer is staying late to help produce that Thursday’s livestream. Ian affectionately ruffling Spencer’s hair and saying, “Love you, dude, don’t stay too late, okay?” before he leaves the games pod area.

--

Finally, Anthony can’t cope away his jealousy and he knows this is one of those things he’s going to have to bring up to Ian. He waits until the two of them are alone in Ian’s office, which has become their office. Ian is checking emails on his phone when Anthony clears his throat.

“Can I talk to you, Ian?”

Ian raises an eyebrow, but he nods, “Of course, man. What’s up?”

Anthony takes a breath and thinks of a hundred different ways to casually and calmly bring up what is bothering him. They are all infinitely better than what he ends up word vomiting out.

“How come you’ll tell everyone else here that you love them but you won’t say it to me?”

There’s a brief silence and Anthony can feel his cheeks warming up.

“What?” Ian asks, like he barely understands the question.

“You’re always telling Shayne, and Courtney, and like, Spencer that you love them but when I try to get you to say it…you don’t.”

Anthony knows it sounds stupid, but it’s how he feels.

“Is this…a bit? Did Erin put you up to this?”

No, I’m serious. Look, Ian, I know it is so dumb that I am jealous, but you’re my best friend and I don’t know…I feel like we should say that to each other more.”

“Oh,” Ian says. He sets his phone down, “Anthony, I’m sorry. I didn’t even realize it was bothering you.”

Anthony shrugs, “You know, just enough to talk to my therapist about it a couple of times.”

“Really? What did your therapist say?” Ian asks, like he’s actually interested.

“That I don’t own you and you’re allowed to love whoever you want and express that how you want and I’m okay with that! I am! I don’t know why I’m jealous…I just, I guess I want to make sure that when you’re saying you love people, that I’m counted in that too.”

Ian’s face softens. Anthony knows Ian hates this shit, that feelings still leave him feeling too tender and exposed, but he also knows Ian is trying.

“Anthony, I do love you, man. Of course, I do. You’ve been my best friend all my life.”

“Then why-“

“Because I never thought you needed to hear that from me. I just thought you knew,” Ian says, “I’ve been telling the others because of you.”

“Because of me?” Anthony asks.

“Because I don’t want them to think that just because you came back that I only want to spend time with you and that they don’t matter. I’ve been trying to be more open with my feelings around here because I want to be able to communicate better with you.”

“Oh,” Anthony says. He feels dumb, very dumb, and very childish.

Ian stands up and then he moves to where Anthony is seated. Anthony stands up because he feels like he should.

“Alright, you’re really pushing me out of my comfort zone here,” Ian mumbles, his face getting red. He opens his arms, pulls Anthony in for a hug, wrapping his arms around Anthony and squeezing just a little.

Anthony hugs back, he can’t help but smile into Ian’s shoulder.

“So, for the record. I do love you; you know that right?” Ian says into Anthony’s shoulder.

“Yeah,” Anthony says, giving Ian a squeeze in return, “I love you too, buddy.”

He and Shayne break apart like they are suddenly burning each other.

"Anthony!" Ian said, breathless, his face red. Shayne looked at the ground, unable to meet Anthony's eyes.

"You, um, forgot your phone," Anthony had explained, holding up the device as proof of his reason for being outside, for seeing what he did.

Ian, still beet red, strode across the parking lot and took his phone from Anthony's outstretched hand.

"I-" Ian started, looking up at Anthony with worry.

"Your dinner," Anthony said, trying to keep his voice neutral.

"What?" Ian had said, confusion lacing his voice.

"You're going to be late, remember?" Anthony had said, trying to play it cool though his insides were swirling like he had just ingested something toxic.

Ian had nodded, had turned away from Anthony, "Right."

Then, Anthony was gone, back inside the office, not willing to let the scenario play out in front of him.

--

That was three days ago. Three days where Anthony and Ian didn't talk about what happened, what he saw. Anthony had finished out his session that night with Josh, trying to pour himself into work and forget what he saw outside in the parking lot.

The next day he worked on his solo channel, not going to the Smosh office. He didn't talk to Ian at all. His mind reeled, haunted by what he saw, his body and mind trying to digest it, process it, make sense of why the image of Shayne and Ian kissing was making Anthony feel like he swallowed glass.

Deep down, he knew why, he just didn't want to give it a voice.

Anthony had saw Shayne and Ian kiss on a Monday evening. He wasn't back in the office until today, until Thursday. Mercifully, Shayne happened to have the day off, but Anthony knew he would see Ian. He had half-expected Ian to text him after the incident, try to explain or...apologize? For what, Anthony wasn't sure. But Ian never texted and now Anthony sat stewing in the conference room.

The more he thought about it, the angrier he got. How could Ian keep this from him? Why did it not come up? He had so many questions and Ian had all the answers.

There was a knock on the door and Anthony looks up, not bothering to school his expression of annoyance when the door opens and he sees Ian poke his head into the room.

"Selina said you were looking for me?" Ian asks, as if it is not obvious, as if he didn't just blow Anthony off for three days.

"Can we talk?" Anthony says, more curt than he means to, "In your office?"

Ian swallows thickly, but he nods, swinging the door open and heading towards his office, Anthony trailing behind him.

They walk silently to Ian's office. Thankfully no one else happens to be around at the time as Ian holds open his office door to let Anthony pass through before he follows after, shutting the door behind him.

Ian stands nervously in the room, looking somewhat like a child who is about to be scolded.

"Look-" Ian starts with a sigh.

"I thought we were going to be better with this whole communication thing," Anthony says, cutting Ian off.

Ian blinks at the razor sharp tone of Anthony's voice.

"I'm sorry, I just didn't think it was a conversation we should have over text. I didn't even know if you wanted to talk about it or just pretend it never happened."

"Of course I want to talk about it! You were making out with an employee of ours!"

"I-" Ian falters, "I know there's, like, dynamic shit, but it isn't weird really. Shayne was the one that asked me out and it's been almost a year."

Anthony's heart drops to his feet. Almost a year? Anthony and Ian had reconnected about ten months ago. All this time, all this rebuilding of their friendship and Ian had said nothing about the fact that he was dating Shayne?

Jealousy seeps into Anthony, feeling like it's choking him. His best friend, Ian, had hid something so big from him. They were supposed to be open and honest with each other and already Ian was keeping secrets.

"I'm so fucking pissed!" Anthony snaps, he watches Ian flinch. "I can't believe you didn't tell me!"

Ian scoffs, "Sorry, I didn't realize I have to tell you when I'm dating someone."

"Maybe when it's someone who works for us?" Anthony bites back, "Is he the first or have you been hooking up with other employees?" Anthony snipes.

A wounded look crosses Ian's face, "It isn't like that. I...I know it sounds fucked up because I'm technically his boss, but I lov-"

"Stop," Anthony says, verging on desperate, "I don't want to hear it."

"Look," Ian starts, stepping closer to Anthony. The older of the two feeling like he wants to cry. He's angry at Ian, he's hurt, he's sad, and jealous, all this poisonous feelings creating a storm in his body. He wants to leave, he wants to be as far away from here as he can be, but what would that do? It would be like before, when they ran from conflict instead of talking about it, but this topic, Shayne and Ian, it is the last thing Anthony wants to hear.

"I'm sorry. I should have told you. I just...he and I started kind of dating right when you and I reconnected and everything was new on both sides. I didn't want to rock the boat either way, so I kept it from you, until I knew where things might fall with Shayne."

Anthony closes his eyes, "And now?"

"We're good," Ian says, softly. Anthony feels like he's been punched in the gut, "he makes me happy, Anthony."

Happy. Ian deserves to be happy.

Ian steps closer, his hand seeking out Anthony's shoulder.

"I want us to be okay too, Anthony."

Anthony squeezes his eyes shut tighter, takes a deep breath, then he nods, looking at his best friend, the most important person in his life. He swallows past the thick rope of jealous that feels like it's strangling him.

"We are...we will be," He admits, "I just, I want you to tell me things."

Ian nods, "I'm sorry."

Anthony, he loves Ian, he does, probably too much judging by the pain that ricochets through him. He loves Ian and he wants Ian to be happy. Who is he to complain? He left. He gave opportunity for Shayne to grow closer to Ian. He wasn't there and Shayne was. He has no one to blame but himself.