#jdrabble

“You didn’t want immorality.” She was good at approaching silently. He knew it wasn’t on purpose, but that didn’t make it less alarming. Even with his heightened senses, he almost never heard her coming. With the fire burning in the fireplace, he hadn’t smelled her either. He managed not to jump, too used to the surprise appearances by more or less everyone in his life, but his heartbeat most definitely picked up the pace for a brief moment or two.

“I don’t,” he replied, setting aside his book and looking up at her. She held his gaze, waiting for him to continue and knowing he’d do so unprompted. “Lyri needed me.”

His answer wasn’t shocking. There was no way he’d done it for himself, but for Lyri? Maybe even for Simone, too? If she didn’t have Benji, she was sure he’d at least have considered it. Still, it seemed unlike him to go through with it. “That’s not likely to change, darlin’.”

He sighed, eyes tearing away from hers, staring down at the book, and trying not to fidget. “I know.”

“I’m not sayin’ that I’m not happy to have ya back, but are you sure you’re not gonna regret it?”

“Honestly?” He looked back up at her, offering a shrug. “No. Not really. But I’ve never been sure of much and I couldn’t just…”

“I know. Forever’s just a real long time. An’ I say that as someone who’s only been around about a century and a half.” Not that she wasn’t thrilled to have met Jasper and Benji both, which never would have happened without becoming a vampire, but it still wasn’t easy. She’d been alone for a long time and then all she’d had was Izzy for a bit and Cord on and off. Things had improved when she’d taken in Jasper, but she’d gone a long time before that miracle had happened.

He nodded in agreement, looking more tired than she’d ever seen him. “Yeah. And I don’t know if there’s ever gonna be a day where I think to myself, ‘yeah this was a great idea,’ but if I can make it without ever thinking to myself, ‘wow, this was a terrible idea,’ then I’ll consider that a victory.”

“You need better standards of success.”

“I’ve found setting the bar low makes it a lot easier to reach it.”

“You are always going to be too young to be that cynical. I’m gonna be sayin’ the same thing a century from now.” There was a small smile on her lips. He appreciated the attempt at teasing.

“I’ve gotten less cynical. Not by much, but it’s happened.”

“She’s been good for you,” Simone mused, watching him for a moment. “From what I hear, you’ve been good for each other.”

“Well, let’s hope that doesn’t change any time soon. It would really bite now.”

“I don’t think it’s ever gonna change. But if it does, you’re always gonna have me an’ Benji.”

He gave her a smile, small but genuine and she counted that as a victory. She hadn’t seen him smile since he’d gotten back, for sure, and probably for a while before then. It was a pretty rare sight, even on a good day. “Thanks, Simone.”

The first time Ryan hits him, Jasper is asking for it. Literally. He sees Ryan’s fists clench at his sides as they’re arguing. Before he can really think about what he’s saying, the words have left his mouth.

“Hit me. I fucking dare you.”

Ryan does.

He’s not sure which of them is more surprised by the action. Jasper doesn’t even feel the pain right away. There’s a moment of stunned silence, where they just stare at each other, before Ryan starts rambling off an apology. He apologizes for days, with words, with actions. The apartment is filled with flowers over the next few days. It’s clear he feels terrible. It’s not hard for Jasper to forgive him.

The next time, Ryan shoves Jasper into a wall. He shoves back and tells Ryan to fuck off. Ryan pins him against the wall and shouting turns to kissing and anger melts away. He knows that whatever they’re fighting about is still an issue, will still be an issue later, but with Ryan’s lips trailing along his neck, he can’t even remember what they were fighting about. And if he can’t remember, it’s not that important, right? Right?

The first time Ryan scares Jasper, they’re in the kitchen and the shouting is so loud that their neighbors will likely file a complaint. Ryan picks up a glass from the counter and hurls it. It shatters against the wall, missing Jasper’s head by inches. Ryan doesn’t even flinch as the shards clink to the floor, still shouting. Jasper lets him win the argument, if only because there are more dangerous things which can be thrown. The knives aren’t out of Ryan’s reach and Jasper’s honestly not sure if his boyfriend is above throwing them.

The first time Ryan doesn’t apologize isn’t long after Jasper just stops arguing. He knows how their arguments go by now and it’s usually not worth the effort. It’s easier to just to agree with whatever Ryan wants and he’s starting to believe some of the things the other says. But occasionally, he can’t hold his tongue and one of those days ends with him getting a black eye. Ryan doesn’t pretend to be sorry and Jasper doesn’t pretend to be surprised.