#edrabble

If there was one color Elaine despised as a wall decoration, it was white. Especially in a combination with pastel green but the white stayed her most hated color. The artificial light that reflected on it gave her headaches and Elaine wasn't a girl you wanted to be around when she was in pain. The worst thing was that ninety percent of the people she saw in this place were wearing white as well. She could feel the rage boiling inside herself as she watched yet another stuck-up doctor pass by. White was to Elaine Moriarty what red was to a bull. Slowly, her fingers tapped onto the wooden arm rest of her chair. The beat was monotone, threatening. She looked like a mob boss, sitting there in her tailored black suit with high-waist skirt and killer heels, tapping away on her chair. The only thing that was missing from the image was an angry cat on her lap.

Eventually, after three hours of tedious waiting, she was approached by a young nurse. A girl that still smiled at the patients and their family. "Elaine Moriarty?" she asked carefully, her hands folded in front of her. "Doctor Rushman has allowed your visit. If you'd be so kind to follow me." Elaine gave the young woman an angry glare before pushing herself out of her chair and pulling her skirt straight. "About time." she hissed as she grabbed her fiery red clutch from the seat. It'd taken her quite the amount of pounds to convince the man of her importance to the patient. She might not be related by blood, she was the closest to family he had. And probably the only one who cared.

Her heels clicked dangerously on the tile floor as she followed the nurse down a never-ending hallway towards the high security department of the hospital. It was silly to put him there, he was anything but dangerous to himself or his surroundings. Still, until this point in time, she hadn't succeeded in getting him out of there. It'd be the first time since his forced admittance four months ago that she'd see him. Even her influence hadn't been enough to get in. Her heart skipped a beat the very moment the nurse announced that they'd arrived. The door before her was one of heavy steel, with only a small barred window and a valve for food. With three keys, the nurse opened the door to let Elaine inside. "You have one hour." she said before motioning that Elaine could enter. The young girl swallowed, took a deep breath and walked through the door.

Inside the cell, the light was dimmed but she could see a small steel table that was built into the wall and a steel chair locked to it. Besides that, there was a thing that had to function as a toilet and sink. But the most prominent thing in the room, was the heavy metal bed right in front of her. What she saw there made her freeze for a moment, unable to realize what she saw. He was wearing nothing but a hospital dress, his wrists and ankles restrained with heavy bands. They'd even put a restrain around his waist to keep him from moving. Two teary brown eyes stared at her from the bed. Her sigh became blurred by the tears that welled in her eyes and she covered her mouth with her hand in shock. "Jesus Christ, Theo." she gasped with a shaky voice. Hesitantly she walked up to the bed. There, she noticed that he wasn't sedated, to her relief. If this was the state they'd kept him in for four months, she understood why she'd been hearing reports of aggression and violence. She put her purse on the bedside table and sat down next to him. An immense feeling of guilt washed over her, even when she knew that she'd been working her ass off to get him out again. Unfortunately, MI6 had meddled with the business and things were getting nowhere fast. Slowly she brought her trembling hand to meet his cheek but he pulled away. "Four months." His voice sounded raspy from screaming and the tears. Elaine's head dropped to her chest and she sighed softly. "I know." she replied. "They wouldn't let me see you because we're not family. I couldn't do anything, Mycroft Holmes prevented any attempt at helping you or seeing you." She looked up at him again, a silent tear traveling down her cheek and her lower lip trembling just slightly.

I don't hate you. I could never hate you. I didn't mean it when I said I hated you. I love you. I love you so much it scares me sometimes. You're the first guy to ever look at me like I'm truly beautiful. You're the first guy to stay with me after the sex and watch Disney movies with me and allow me to walk around in nothing but one of your shirts in the morning. I fell in love with you that very afternoon we spent at your flat, the second day we knew each other. Seeing you, being with you, nothing has ever made me happier. It's like an angel had come down from Heaven to make me happy. Another cheesy line but I don't care anymore. It's the truth. After all those filthy old men who fucked me for a few pounds, you came and took my breath away.

I know what you think right now. Filthy old men? There's so much you don't know about me and wish I'd never have to tell you. I know you were surprised to see a sixteen year-old who had the skills of a trained prostitute. The thing is, I was. I lived with my mother, a hooker, until I was thirteen. The last years of her life, I followed in her footsteps. I think I was barely twelve when I gave my first blowjob. Nearly every night she'd send men up to my room. They'd undress me with their dirty fat fingers, spread my legs and take me as I laid there crying. I saw every corner of the room, over and over again. I was a whore, a slut, a toy. I felt so filthy and unworthy every single time they left my room. I still do. I can still feel their hands on my body, their nasty breaths in my neck. It makes my stomach turn. You have no idea of how many boiling hot showers I took to get the feeling away but it'd always stay. I've never been more than sex, to anyone. Until I met you. We were just sex at first but that day you told me I wasn't the only one who had developed feelings...you have no idea how happy you made me. You actually like me for more than the things I could to with my lips and my cunt. I actually was the happiest girl on earth on that moment.

I can't say how much I loved being around you, being your girlfriend. It was as if a dream came true. I was your princess and I loved my prince. But the memories came back. I realized I wouldn't ever be good enough for you. A guy like you deserves a girl who hasn't already been taken by a bunch of old men. You deserve a sweet girl who doesn't need to slip herself sleeping pills to get through the nightmares. A girl who isn't ashamed of what she can do. I'm so sorry, for all the misery I've caused you. My father, my brother who's probably attacking you right now, the dealing with a sixteen year-old crazy fangirl. I'm sorry for it all. 

I think it's time for me to stop now. My tears are smudging the ink. I don't know if you'll ever even read this letter but please, Olly, don't ever forget that I genuinely love you. You're the guy that could've fixed me but I was too broken to be fixed. I'm sorry.