#jayrose ship

Rose: You thought... you were out of my league?

Jason: Totally, you were a femme fatale, hot with and without the eye patch and you rocked sneakers. I’d hear about you, see pictures of you, and mentally think, "She's hot. She's hot!" I’m probably a little cringe, aren’t I?

Rose, falling back in love with her boyfriend, sighed happily while gazing at Jason with her good eye. Jason's eyes shifted, worried he said the wrong thing. He was calmed when Rose kissed him on the cheek.

Rose: You’re never losing me. If there’s any chance we’re staying together until we both die in a violent explosion or a Bonnie and Clyde-style shootout, it’s sealed now.

Jason: You had that same fantasy? Rose, I love you.

Rose: Love you too. Oh, and my dad is escaping prison soon, just wanted to give you a heads-up.

Jason (genuinely excited): I get to fight your dad again? Awesome! This time I'll take something from him and give it to you.

Jason blushed, unable to respond with words and could only turn to face forward and return to scoping the area for his Intel. He coughed, racing thoughts.

Jason (in his head): She wants to bite it? She likes it? How do I respond? Thanks for the compliment on my butt, I remember to do squats. Why is she hot? Why can't she be ugly and mean to me?

Stephanie, along with a few other bat team members overheard Jason's conversation and couldn't hold back on giving him advice.

Stephanie (on comms): Hood, psst! You tell her you're going to "eat her booty like groceries".

Jason moaned, his brows furrowing. Great, he wasn't alone tonight.

Duke: Nah, nah, tell her you want to be the Vegeta to her Bulma and search for the dragon balls. It can work.

Jason, thankful Rose wasn't wearing a comm device yet, glanced at Rose.

She blew him a kiss.

Jason: The guy we have to talk to will be here soon. Not that I'm saying you have to move up or anything. You seem to be enjoying the... My... View. Yep.

Rose (hands on her hips): Mm, okay. I'll be here thinking about tonight. You and me and those warming oils I bought in Paris.

Jason nodded, laughing in a manner that made him sound like a geek from an 80s movie.

Jason (whispering): Oh she's definitely coming on to me.

Barbara (pretending she's the narrator on Dragonball): Red Hood is in a predicament. Does he take her there, keeping a watchful eye on his informant while taking Rose to pound town or does he withhold clapping those cheeks? Thankfully he's wearing a suit that hides his e—

Jason (shouting into his comms): Fuck off! Just fuck off!

Barbara: ...Find out here on Red Hood's communication earpiece.

Barbara cackled finishing her narration.

Duke (pretending to be the outro music): Da da! Da da da dum dum!

Rose (having silently snuck up to Jason): Talking about me?

Jason: Where did you- Forget it. Keep your libido low for a little longer.

Rose: The wait makes me want you more. That and your giggling like a giddy teen reading Playboy.

Rose entered the room in her red underwear, holding two glasses of spiked lemonade. She even wore a red eye patch and smiled with a flirtatious glint in her eye.

Rose: Aww, can’t stay for a drink? I made your favorite. Don't hurry off for him.

Jason quickly shut the door behind him, changing his plans.

Jason: I’m pretty parched… um… why did you change clothes?

Rose: I can’t wear that while I’m at home. I have to be comfortable in my own place. I do the same for my guests, especially sexy ones. What do you think?

Jason (voice cracking): That I’m a lucky man.

Jason gulped, then shook his head, reminding himself to stay focused.

Jason: You look fantastic, and I know what you’re doing. You want me to kick my shoes off, stay in, and have sex with you. I know you're playing me.

Rose: I can’t play coy anymore, can I? I guess you’ll have to punish me.

Jason: You’ve made a convincing argument. Go to the bedroom.

Rose hurried upstairs, holding the glasses, while Jason kicked his shoes off.

Jason (to himself): …I’m not going to regret being late.

Hours later…

Jason: I died, I'm used to asphyxiation, so your body weight won’t smother me too badly.

Rose (placing her hand on her officer's chest): Officer, aren’t you worried my thighs will snap you in half?

Jason (pinning Rose against a wall): I’ve already been accepted into heaven. If you did smother me, the pearly gates would welcome me with a parade.

Rose: Oh and if you died, I’d meet you there.

Jason: Such a sacrifice.

Rose: Ooh, yours is too. I love a willing participant. Do you need cuffs to take me in? I might have some on me.

Jason (bringing Rose closer to his body): Might?

Rose: Want to pat me down to check? I need it from you.

Jason: I have to. I won’t be gentle.

Rose: Did I say be gentle?

While Jason and Rose role-played in public, in their hero suits, and assumed they were alone. Jason’s comm was on, and everyone was out that night. They heard everything, including Batman… especially Batman.

Catwoman wasn't cringing like everyone else was, but did not like hearing her future step son talk dirty. She remembered giving him butterscotch candy.

Catwoman: Our little Robin has grown up, hasn't-

Catwoman saw Batman trying to harm himself.

Catwoman (clinging to Batman’s arm): Do… not... stab yourself in the neck.

Batman (holding a batarang to his cowl-covered neck): Just let me do it. I can’t go on after hearing that!

Catwoman: They… have heard worse from us. They'll stop soon... calm down!

Batman (lamenting): Why can't I pay her to leave him?

Catwoman: I should not... be the one who points out your hypocrisy, pookie.

Batman: This is different... He's my good son. God they keep going.

Oracle, listening to the conversations from her tower and nibbling on a twizzler, she was grossed out at hearing her friends flirt, although, unlike with Batman, hearing Jason flirt was new to her.

Oracle: Cop roleplay, huh? Nightwing never did that with me when we dated and he’s a freaking cop. I'm scolding him for that later, maybe Kory can get it out of him. I'll just keep recording this for the records.

Oracle continued recording this dirty talk with added commentary to play to Nightwing later.

Red Robin didn't speak, he simply stared off into the void, unmoving. Signal was patrolling with him and waved his hand in front of the man's face.

Signal: Man, take me with you. I don't want to hear this!

Red Robin shook his head, dissociating into his happy place. Bernard was there and they were fighting cult members together.

Rose and Jason kept flirting, laying it on more over the assumption they were far away from any bat members.

Rose: Remember that swirl you did last night, officer?

Jason: I do. You wouldn't stop shouting yes my foxy criminal.

Signal (cringing): They are nasty. Like I get it, I don't judge how you love people, but why do some of y'all not believe in going to the god damn bedroom first!

The couple, especially Jason, hadn't gotten any hint or static crackling from his comm ear piece. He gently caressed Rose's chin and kissed her cheek first.

She let out a soft moan while his family heard all of this!

Spoiler: This is hecka tame for me, as a spicy book reader and someone who’s heard Batman flirt with Catwoman this is nothing. How are you holding up, Orphan?

Orphan didn't respond, she was hugging Spoiler trying hard to not laugh at the dirty talk.

Spoiler: Just pretend it’s not your brother and friend.

Orphan: I am trying, but this isn't like stumbling upon two random people having sex. That's inevitable and sometimes fun to see. All I hear with this is my baby brother. I’m not a prude, I swear, but this is…

Spoiler: Oh, trust me, I get it. But at least they haven’t started— Oop, spoke too soon. Hood is not wearing his helmet tonight confirmed.

The sounds of sloppy kissing crackled over the comms, and that was the final straw. Batman pressed his comm button and shouted.

Batman: YOUR LIVE! YOU’RE FUC— FREAKING LIVE! BACK AWAY FROM THE WOMAN!

Jason pulled away from Rose having heard his father's voice, not God, not his bio dad. His foster dad! He gulped nervously, clicking the button on his comm while Rose kept kissing his neck.

Jason (startled): What the— what the hell?

Oracle: Hey, Red Hood, yeah, your comm’s on. We have to get these pesky things updated, but hey. We all heard you, all that flirty, dirty talk.

Jason: No.

Oracle: I’m used to the cringe, but seriously, you should’ve made sure that was off.

Jason: Oracle… Who’s out tonight?

Oracle: Oh, everyone except Nightwing. I'll play this for him later though, don't worry... How's Rose doing tonight, I want to get drinks with her.

Jason froze, his tongue unable to move while his mind screamed. Rose stopped kissing his neck and touched his lips, lost in the moment since she didn't have a comm device for the night.

Rose: Jacey, you there officer?

It got worse when Damian spoke up.

Robin (Damian): I’m confused. Are you arresting Ravager? When did you become a cop? And why would she sit on you? And what’s a reverse cowgirl?

Jason crouched into a fetal position, hugging himself. Rose tilted her head, unaware of what was happening.

Rose: What’s wrong?

Jason: My… my earpiece. The whole family heard what I said. I’m going to kill myself.

Rose (sudden realization): Oh… oh! All of them?

Oracle: Tell her everyone except Nightwing.

Jason: Except Nightwing. My dad heard me call you foxy.

Rose: We hadn't gotten to the explicit pet names yet.

Jason (covering his face): He heard me talk about your thighs!

Batman: Stop reminding me. In fact, I don't know who this. Whoever’s hacking these comms with their filthy talk... cut it out!

Catwoman (playful tone): You can’t ignore that they heard me giving you—

Batman: That doesn’t mean I should receive it! I don’t have a great relationship with God, but that’s not what I needed to hear! Jason… you’re grounded!

Jason: Grounded? Why?!

Rose: He can ground you as an adult?

Jason: Yes— No! I... Turn my comm off! Turn it off, now!

Signal: We already heard that dirty talk, my guy. This is twelve-year-old gross tweet levels of we-won’t-forget. Y’all need Jesus! Red Robin, you good?

Red Robin, nodded and returned from his dissociation.

Red Robin: I’m good. Just shelving that mental trauma into a vault. I can mock him after I vomit.

Signal: Later, my dude. Come on, let’s watch something on Crunchyroll to forget this.

Red Robin: Attack on Titan works for me.

Red Hood: I got called nasty by Signal, and he’s taking Red Robin to watch gory anime because they heard everything. How did my nightmare come true?

Rose laughed softly, patting her boyfriend’s head. His face was bright red.

Robin: Father, what’s a foxy—

Signal: It’s grown folks’ business!

Batman: What he said... Oracle I can still hear this... this stranger on the comms!

Oracle: On it. I was too busy laughing. I’m in my 30s now; nothing phases me. I hope the prisoner isn’t too rough on you tonight, officer.

Spoiler (joking): Goon works better for this.

Orphan (recovering and joking): Which one would be the biggest 'goon' here?

Jason: Piss off! My family all heard us, including Batman. I want to run into traffic now.

Rose: I have a better idea. Since you’re pretty much off the clock, you can take me in.

Jason, embarrassed, hesitated for a moment, but Rose’s smile relaxed him.

Jason: I’m not sure it's… Ya know what, I needed a reason to avoid my family for a week. Let’s go back to my place.

Robin (suspicious): Oh, that’s cool. You definitely don’t sound like you’re hiding something. Good thing we didn't activate our comms before I meet this person who may or may not be a woman. Are they an assassin like you?

Red Hood: Yep.

Robin: Are they a man or woman?

Red Hood: On a form that asks for their gender, they'd check the, um... female box.

Robin (squinting his eyes): Hm...

Red Hood laughed nervously, looking away from his brother.

Robin: Do they have any connections to a villain we’ve dealt with?

Red Hood: Yeah, they come from an evil family, her dad sucks and you never met her dad or her… it’s not a big deal, really. Stop asking questions.

Robin: Hm… Okay! Granola bar?

Robin held up a wrapped granola bar in front of his brother. Hood snatched the snack, averting eye contact with his brother.

Five minutes later, Ravager arrived, and within seconds, Damian figured out their relationship. Red Hood let out an audible gulp when he spotted Ravager's suit hugging her body, and Ravager smirked flirtatiously back at him.

Robin: Oh, I see! Wow, this is quite the development. How long have you two been together?

Ravager: Six months, but I like to think spiritually we've been together for years.

Robin: Hm, you are attractive and from what I've heard a trained fighter and killer. This makes sense for my brother to be with you.

Ravager: Thank you, it took those few years to make him realize that.

Robin: He's bad with romance, so that makes sense.

Red Hood: You’ve got to be kidding me. And shut up Robin!

Robin: Interesting pairing, I was rooting for you and Artemis, but he fumbled with her.

Red Hood: It was a mutual break up. Not that I'm saying that will happen with you Rose- I mean Ravager- I mean... I'm thankful the comms are off and my other family members can't hear this.

Ravager: Yeah, it gives us time to have some real fun. Remember when we teamed up to stop that drug bust and while we waited at the safe house, bored and no one could hear us talking we spent hours having hot, sweaty-

Red Hood (covering his girlfriend's mouth): That's enough from you. My baby brother is in front of us.

Robin: Hey, I am turning thirteen soon. Make sure this lasts compared to Artemis. You concern me you'll live a lonely life.

Red Hood: I will slap you.

Ravager (moving Jason's hand away): He's messing with you. Be lucky yours isn't dead or mute.

Robin: How is Jericho?

Ravager: He's doing better. He started selling custom made shirts on etsy.

Robin: Neat. I'm glad you're with another insane, strong woman Red Hood.

Ravager: Thanks, kid. That means a lot honestly.

Red Hood: Could you at least try to pretend that we hate each other?

Ravager (giggling): Not with that cute face and perfect thighs.

Ravager slapped her boyfriend's backside making him jolt slightly. His blush-helmet covered face hid his flustered smile.

Robin (teasing): Aww, old love.

Ravager: I think we can trust the kid to keep our little secret. Who's he’s going to tell?

Robin: Yes, who am I going to possibly tell? I have a few options that are, much to my shock, unaware of this pairing.

Red Hood: Right, we can talk about this later.

Robin nodded, prepared to make the man write his next three essays for school.

Robin: Let's start the mission, shall we? Ravager, do you actually wear an eye patch, or is it because of who your father is?

Ravager: The first one, but my father is the reason I have to wear it.

Robin: They have glasses for that too; I can show you some later.

Ravager: Aww, cool. Let’s walk together.

Robin nodded, happily walking off with Ravager while Red Hood trailed behind, frustrated that the one person he didn’t want to know about his secret relationship was now aware of it, especially since Damian always wanted something when keeping secrets.

Red Hood: Him, Roy, Artemis, Harley, Bizarro and Cass... God, you owe me this much. Do not let this get back to my dad.

Ravager: Stud, quit standing there. Walk them nice thighs over here.

Red Hood (going over): I appreciate the compliments, but not in front of the baby.

Rose (eager, lifting her eye patch): Oh... My God!

Jason (confused): What? Is it that bad?

Rose (locked in, commanding): Get on the bed!

Jason (oddly aroused): All right.

Many hours and 32 sessions later

Rose (breathing heavily): Wow.

Jason (reading, trying to play it cool): I'm taking that as a hint you enjoyed that.

Rose: Oh... Oh... Please-

Jason: You said that a lot tonight.

Rose: Whatever. You were decent for our first time. We'll clearly have to try this again to prove you're good.

Jason smiled happy hearing that, covering his mouth before Rose saw.

Everyone in the room remained silent except for Damian who put down his colored pencil.

Damian: I felt relief too, Rose.

Stephanie ran over and tossed Jason out of his seat taking his spot and sitting next to Rose.

Stephanie: She did turn him down?

Rose: Yep, said he was practically her step son and filled with pent up anger at the whole dying thing and Batman.

Cass: At least she's not depraved.

Rose: I totally agree there. But my oh my, that Batman is such an asshole, glad he's not here with us.

Rose resumed slurping her noodles, not phased by Bruce glaring at her.

Alfred: ...You see the joke here is that you're Batman.

Bruce: I'm aware Alfred! I am aware!

Alfred: I'm just clarifying for you. He needs reminding sometimes.

Rose: Aww, poor Brucey.

Jason (laying on the floor staring at the ceiling): I genuinely think I'm going to marry Rose.