#jayaresjournal

Giving me the reason you can't fall asleep. I try to forget but you've done this before. Same reason, alwys night. Three times. Yes, I've been counting, it's hard not to.

I smile and no one smiles. I frown and there are smiles all around. Not everything works in sync And I feel that is one of the faults Humans can find in each other. I am blown away that people Find themselves tying the knot Or calling this "forever". You found the one. You found a heart that is sometimes, not Always, in sync with yours. You are lucky.

There is an undeniably insurmountable kind of pain you feel when you see a love, one you have loved entirely, smiling as perfectly as they do with another lover. You can’t help but feel regret, that some how you lost the best thing in your life. Insecurity tackles you and makes you think you can’t find anyone better. “You will die alone,” it says, “with no one’s hand to hold”. That’s what the loneliness will make you feel, but you must not let all days become gray. Never let flowers welt without showing their beauty. Never let yourself think this is the end, because you’ve thought that yesterday, And The day before, and the day before that.

Because my anxiety and fears are keeping me up. I really hate the feeling. I didn't get into the school and it sucks because I put a lot of effort into it. I'm okay, I just didn't expect it. I miss people who I shouldn't miss. Who give no thought of me like I to them. I wish someone was awake to share my silly fears. It makes me feel better that someone else is out there, dealing with the same shit, still alive and kicking for all the time to come.

When, before you sleep, you stare at your ceiling in the dark and just think to yourself "FUCK." And how you got to this current state of Mind and how, no matter how hard you seem to try, you just can't really escape it at the first few attempts. Its reoccurring.... A lot lately.