#jay wells

What's up bitches? So I had like the best groupie night of all time. Jealous? Of course you are. My friends' sick ass Metal/hardcore band from Welland, 'American Hell' was opening for one of my favourite bands of all time, Death By Stereo at The Hard Luck in T.O.

I was at DBS' merch table and noticed a snare skin signed by drummer, Mike Cambra. The price for this item caught my horny eye, because it was one open mouthed kiss given to Mike. Being drunk as all hell (and hot for band guys), I asked the Merch guy if this was open to anyone.

He laughed his ass off and said that they were trying to get a gal to do it, but this is a whole lot funnier. So I snatched it off the table and walked right up on stage while he was doing sound check. He laughed so hard when he saw it in my hand, and that creepy 'I'm gonna violate you' look I tend to give a victim.

I slowly creeped up to him, worried that I would be greeted with either a tongue or a fist. But I had gone this far, and I couldn't turn back now. I planted a decent closed-lip kiss on him, but when I opened my mouth (the price said open-mouth damnit), he turned away and got some tongue on cheek.

Both bands were out-of-hand amazing. If kissing Mike got me Rock-hard, hearing both Bands back to back got me Diamond-hard. 

After the show, I got the rest of DBS to sign it, and got to join both bands out to the Bovine Sex Club for a ridiculous amount of whiskey and violent gangster rap. 

The previous night, they had a show in London (the shitty one) and a gal asked my buddy Mike Morrone (Drummer of American Hell) to sign her tits. He was so excited because it was his first breast signing, so I wanted to keep his streak going and got him to sign my sweet, pretty, perky tits. 

(Either my belly button is off center or I have a very misleading treasure trail.)

Then to cap off this enchanting/hot-and-horny evening, I stopped at McDonalds and ordered a Big Mac meal (Upsized and Extra Mac Sauce) with a junior chicken just for the fuck of it. Picked me up a blue gatorade on my walk home thinking this was the best cure for a definite hang over, but the second I got in the door I threw up the brightest blue McDonalds concoction. It was the weirdest looking radioactive sludge I've ever seen.

Best night Ever. Finish on my tits. Jay Wells.

Here is a brand new info-graph created by Desiree Lavoy explaining the differences between The Boom and Saturday Night Live.

She came up with this graph for two reasons – One, a possible wake-up call for Jay Wells. And two, to show creator/producer Lorne Michaels just how much NBC would save by replacing his current cast with members of The Boom. $3,800,000 to be exact.

JAY WELLS L'ECUYER - After a brief battle with alligators, Jay Wells succumbed to his many bites and passed away in hospital this morning. He was 26 years old. Jay will be remembered by his fellow members of The Boom as bright, witty, and always willing to show his balls.