i hate realizing that i'm trying way too hard to justify why my selfship isn't "cringe" when writing and sharing my selfship lore, despite knowing cringe is subjective. i go out of my way to try and create a believable story in which the character i selfship with (jax) has actual romantic chemistry with my self-insert, and where they choose each other while also forming and maintaining meaningful connections with the other canon characters and giving those bonds some screentime, so it doesn't feel like they're just tossed aside.
in a way, i feel like jax being explicitly written with trust issues makes it "easier" to write an interesting and non-nonsensical narrative, because i get to figure out how amy would need to approach jax to actually get through to him, learning from the mistakes of those who tried before her, and if i can justify why her method works for him, it then makes sense for him to turn to her when he needs somebody in his corner. but at the same time, his character development demands that he can't stay clinging to her forever and needs to form other connections, so it will get to a point where it makes less and less sense for him to always be around her and her alone. i really want to place an emphasis on the importance of learning to embrace the mistakes, flaws and struggles that inherently come with being human, because if you deny yourself the ability to be human, you'll lose any sense of meaning. and never connecting with anyone will hurt you just as much as forming bonds that could and sometimes do break.
