#japi

the other day i was thinking about how the top of japi's head felt. it's funny, but it's sad - because japi was so aggressive/scared (we have the word "arisco" here, meaning both of those, but i don't know if it has a translation), that the top of his head was really the only place he would allow us to touch. and sometimes, he would look at you a certain way, and you'd know it was time to stop

he was a border coIIie mix, a fancy way of saying he's a mutt (lol). so his body was a little fluffy, though not too much, and the top of his head was a little more shallow (words??) coat. i can't remember if it was a dream or it was a dog i pet, but i remembered how the top of his head had this specific feeling on my hand, and like most things that make me remember japi, i almost started crying thinking about it

again it's funny, but it's sad. i don't know if i ever got to properly process him being taken away — i just remember feeling anger, anger, anger, sadness, sadness, and everyone immediately telling me i should forget it (him) because it would be better for him. but clearly i have not, and clearly i will not. i still feel very emotional when i see border coIIies. especially if they're in their natural habitat — a field, which was something japi obviously loved, and a place where he is now, instead of our cramped house. i know he's doing better. i miss him, and i kinda hope he misses me too