On conflicts that happen when we least expect it
Sometimes I just like to be right. Despite what might be happening I take pleasure in knowing that I did not go wrong in what I said or did. While this may be good in being precise about some stuff, there are times when being right may not be the best after all. This realisation came to me during a Brain Hacks workshop session when all of us were figuring out how to use a new software to prototype our ideas. It was all new, the concept, the technology and the software. So we had to ask our instructor for help whenever we got stuck at something. Halfway while helping my group debug the prototype, some lady (perhaps from facilities or administration) walked into the classroom and demanded to know what was going on in the class as there had been a clash in the booking of the exact location we were in. While our instructor immediately clarified that the location had been booked months ago and should not have clashed with any other bookings, that lady just looked as if she wanted to clear the room for the other group which had booked the room for some facilities maintenance. In that situation, my usual course of action would be to insist that the room was booked and made sure that everything was clarified there and then. I would have wanted to be right in that I had booked the room and that there should not have been a clash in the first place. Interestingly, my instructor just calmly requested to meet that lady in her office at a later time to clarify the issue and was very amiable about it. She didn’t insist that she was right, she didn’t demand to correct the bookings right away, but her priority was to make sure that the class went on while still solving the problem at the same time. This small incident showed me that not everything has to be immediately dealt with and one has to weigh the priorities ahead first. Also, while interacting with others, even in a tense situation, one should keep their cool and not strain any relationships even if the other person might be a stranger. While that lady was walking out, my instructor flashed her a smile and asked for her name in a very friendly matter too. The whole thing happened in the span of less than 2 minutes but it was that encounter that showed me conflict management can happen in more ways than one. Another time, in a Forces Frozen class, while most groups consisted of undergraduate students and graduate students, an elderly man approached our group and wanted to work with us on a precedent research of frozen structures. He turned out to be an alumni of MIT from the 70s and just wanted to be involved in the IAP activities that were going on during this period. Again, me being me, I wanted to be right in my own perspective and do things in ways that I felt were right. So I started to do my own research and developed some of my own ideas. Initially, it seemed that the elderly man had many of his own opinions that he kept sharing with everyone, seemingly ‘interrupting’ the flow of our discussion. While I felt slightly annoyed that he kept ‘imposing’ his ideas on the group, I still tried to do things my own way in the beginning. However, while observing the behaviour of others, I began to get insights on how people dealt with situations that they were in, many times in ways much better than my own. It was natural that everyone would be excited about having their own ideas and finding precedents that they felt would be interesting, However, my group mates showed the utmost respect to the elderly man and his ideas even though he kept talking about what he knew. Even though they were excited about finding precedents that they felt were interesting, they still listened intently to the experiences of that elderly man and sought advice from him on how to go about describing the precedents that he had shared. Towards the end, one team mate even offered the elderly man the opportunity to take the presentation time to share his story with the class at the risk of possibly not even having time for himself to share. Through this experience, I feel that I sometimes jump to conclusions too soon and don’t take enough consideration of what others might feel. The elderly man probably wanted to contribute as much as he could to the group in terms of his knowledge and experience but I just jumped to the conclusion that he was sharing too much. Instead, I should have taken a step back to consider the position that everyone is coming from and respect what they have to bring to the table. My initial approach to certain situations may not be ideal but hopefully through observations, I will be able to slowly change my perspective on how to deal with them better. So some insights on conflict management could be; it may not be the best to immediately solve every conflict head on but consider the priorities and relationships involved. While it is a good thing to be right, being right all the time may not be such a good thing after all. And while working with people of different backgrounds for the first time, I found that it’s good to take some time to understand the context of what they are doing before forming any solid impressions of them. It is ideal also to give the utmost respect to our team mates even if we may not agree wholeheartedly with the way they work. Just some little titbits and anecdotes from the IAP classes I’ve been going to! Signing off, Janice
