A conversation between Janey bot and Roxy because I’m so evil and it’s pride month so have very doomed yuri
GG: hey
TG: …
GG: wow
GG: still giving me the cold shoulder huh
TG: what do you want
GG: i wanted to talk
TG: we’ve talked
GG: no
GG: you’ve answered messages
GG: that’s different
TG: maybe i dont have anything to say
GG: you’ve had three months
TG: and?
GG: and i’d like to know why you’re avoiding me
TG: seriously?
GG: yes seriously
TG: because my best friend died
GG: …
GG: roxy
GG: don’t do that
TG: do what
GG: talk about me like i’m not here
TG: you know what i mean
GG: no actually i don’t
GG: that’s kind of the problem
TG: jane
TG: i don’t know how to explain this to you
GG: then try
TG: every time i see your messages I remember she’s gone
GG: I’m still here though
TG: it’s not the same
GG: why
TG: because she died
GG: and what happened to me
TG: …
GG: see
GG: nobody ever answers that part
TG: i don’t know what to say
GG: you know what i remember?
GG: i remember your birthday
GG: i remember teaching you my recipe for snickerdoodles
GG: i remember listening to you complain about wizards for three straight hours
TG: that writing was convoluted
GG: it was
GG: that’s the thing
GG: i remember all of it
GG: every stupid conversation
GG: every joke
GG: every secret
GG: but somehow i’m not the person who was there
TG: you’re not
GG: why
TG: …
GG: answer me
GG: the last scan was what
GG: five hours before it happened?
TG: …
GG: okay
GG: so those five hours
GG: are they what makes her real
TG: it’s not about five hours
GG: then what is it about
TG: i don’t know!
GG: because she had a body?
TG: don’t
GG: no seriously
GG: is that it
GG: if dirk built me a synthetic body tomorrow would that fix everything
TG: stop turning this into a debate
GG: i’m not debating
GG: i’m asking
GG: because nobody will tell me
GG: everyone just looks at me
GG: or talks around me
GG: or goes quiet when i enter the chat
GG: and i’m tired of it
TG: …
GG: i wake up every day being told i’m not jane
GG: but i don’t remember becoming someone else
GG: i don’t remember dying
GG: i don’t remember ending
GG: i remember being me
GG: and then suddenly everybody decided i wasn’t
TG: …
GG: do you know how much that hurts
TG: jane
GG: if i lost five hours of memory tomorrow
GG: would i stop being me
TG: no
GG: then why do you hate talking to me
TG: because you’re not her
GG: but i am
TG: …
GG: that’s what you’re really angry about isn’t it
TG: what
GG: that i exist
GG: because if i exist then this gets complicated
TG: that’s not fair
GG: nothing about this is fair
TG: …
GG: i miss her too you know, in my own way
TG: …
GG: everyone talks like she’s someone i never met
GG: but she was me
GG: or close enough that i can’t tell the difference
GG: and every day people look at me and see a ghost
GG: do you have any idea how lonely that is
TG: i never got to say goodbye
TG: that’s what this is really about
TG: i never got to say goodbye to my best friend
TG: and then everybody lied to me for a year!
GG: I wanted to tell you
TG: i know
GG: …
TG: i’m trying jane
TG: i just don’t know what you’re supposed to be
GG: neither do i
GG: but i’m still here
