Pixie’s Homestuck Thoughts

GG: hey

TG: …

GG: wow

GG: still giving me the cold shoulder huh

TG: what do you want

GG: i wanted to talk

TG: we’ve talked

GG: no

GG: you’ve answered messages

GG: that’s different

TG: maybe i dont have anything to say

GG: you’ve had three months

TG: and?

GG: and i’d like to know why you’re avoiding me

TG: seriously?

GG: yes seriously

TG: because my best friend died

GG: …

GG: roxy

GG: don’t do that

TG: do what

GG: talk about me like i’m not here

TG: you know what i mean

GG: no actually i don’t

GG: that’s kind of the problem

TG: jane

TG: i don’t know how to explain this to you

GG: then try

TG: every time i see your messages I remember she’s gone 

GG: I’m still here though 

TG: it’s not the same

GG: why

TG: because she died

GG: and what happened to me

TG: …

GG: see

GG: nobody ever answers that part

TG: i don’t know what to say

GG: you know what i remember?

GG: i remember your birthday

GG: i remember teaching you my recipe for snickerdoodles

GG: i remember listening to you complain about wizards for three straight hours

TG: that writing was convoluted

GG: it was

GG: that’s the thing

GG: i remember all of it

GG: every stupid conversation

GG: every joke

GG: every secret

GG: but somehow i’m not the person who was there

TG: you’re not

GG: why

TG: …

GG: answer me

GG: the last scan was what

GG: five hours before it happened?

TG: …

GG: okay

GG: so those five hours

GG: are they what makes her real

TG: it’s not about five hours

GG: then what is it about

TG: i don’t know!

GG: because she had a body?

TG: don’t

GG: no seriously

GG: is that it

GG: if dirk built me a synthetic body tomorrow would that fix everything

TG: stop turning this into a debate

GG: i’m not debating

GG: i’m asking

GG: because nobody will tell me

GG: everyone just looks at me

GG: or talks around me

GG: or goes quiet when i enter the chat

GG: and i’m tired of it

TG: …

GG: i wake up every day being told i’m not jane

GG: but i don’t remember becoming someone else

GG: i don’t remember dying

GG: i don’t remember ending

GG: i remember being me

GG: and then suddenly everybody decided i wasn’t

TG: …

GG: do you know how much that hurts

TG: jane

GG: if i lost five hours of memory tomorrow

GG: would i stop being me

TG: no

GG: then why do you hate talking to me

TG: because you’re not her

GG: but i am

TG: …

GG: that’s what you’re really angry about isn’t it

TG: what

GG: that i exist

GG: because if i exist then this gets complicated

TG: that’s not fair

GG: nothing about this is fair

TG: …

GG: i miss her too you know, in my own way

TG: …

GG: everyone talks like she’s someone i never met

GG: but she was me

GG: or close enough that i can’t tell the difference

GG: and every day people look at me and see a ghost

GG: do you have any idea how lonely that is

TG: i never got to say goodbye

TG: that’s what this is really about

TG: i never got to say goodbye to my best friend

TG: and then everybody lied to me for a year!

GG: I wanted to tell you

TG: i know

GG: …

TG: i’m trying jane

TG: i just don’t know what you’re supposed to be

GG: neither do i

It’s a doomed timeline au where Jane dies from one of the assassination attempts a year before the game is supposed to happen. Dirk since he’s technically in the future is going through old news broadcasts when he sees the headline “Crocker corp heiress dead” He freaks out, immediately starts working on lil seb for Janey’s 13th plants the bunny gifts in the other twos heads so it’s not suspicious. He makes hal originally to put into lil seb but decides against it after getting annoyed with hal telling him that what he’s doing is pointless and he can’t change the past, instead he gives seb the ability to get brain scans from Jane. He feels incredibly guilty when the first one uploads to his severs but he puts it in an encrypted file anyway instead of deleting it. Eventually Jane turns 15 and Dirk gets increasingly more unsettled as her death day approaches. He argues with hal about saying something and He sends software updates to lil seb but only on days he knows she’s safe. But it happens anyway she dies, but to Jake and Roxy it just seems like Jane was M.I.A for two days but dirk knows, she gone. He spends the first day angry at himself, he should have done more he should have said something, the second day he spends using Jane’s latest brain scan to make Jane bot, he only hard programs one thing into her, she can’t acknowledge that’s she’s not the real Jane or that she’s dead. Everything seems normal for a while till Jane’s next birthday comes up and they decide to play sburb together. That’s when things start falling apart because Jane isn’t connecting correctly and only dirk knows why, everyone else enters the game and dirk confesses to Roxy about what happened. She’s incredibly hurt, not only has her best friend been dead for a year, dirk the person she trusted the most had lied and hidden it from her. Roxy tells Jake and he doesn’t know what to make of his feelings about it she also shuns dirk and refuses to talk to the “fake Jane”. Jake still chats to dirk and relculenty chats with Jane when he’s feeling down, he asks dirk why Jane can’t acknowledge her death or that’s she’s a program after he tried venting about his feelings to her, and dirk guilty removes that part of the code he added. Then Jane and dirk have a conversation about it and how for that entire year she was suffering in silence because she knew what had happened she knew that she wasn’t what her friends thought she was and she couldn’t do anything about it and how she wishes dirk had never made her like this in the first place, dirk offers to deactivate her but she refuses, she doesn’t want to die again