#janefostering

Tony asked to spend the last few hours before the ceremony with Leia, so they could help each other fill in the basket with flower petals. He figured that taking a look and playing around with the flowers for a little bit was a good way to ensure that she wouldn’t feel too much of a need to stop and do it in the aisle.

This was definitely one of the best excuses he’d ever found to spend time with her.

The selection of flowers available was absolutely staggering, Stark himself had to admit he’d never seen so many, and of such exuberant colors. The top picks for the bouquet were laid out across a large table in the center of the room, and there were several other people there, adding final touches and last-minute adjustments to flower arrangements to be transported from that place directly to the throne room or the areas where the reception would be hosted.

Tony had sat Leia down at the edge of the table. The basket was right by her side, and they were filling it with petals as he taught her to play “Forget-Me, Forget-Me-Not.” He eventually got her to start mumbling a couple of phrases that distantly sounded like they ended in “me” and in “not” – “geh-me,” “geh-me-naw” – and she knew enough to giggle when the flower ended in “forget me not,” and frown when it ended in “forget me.”

There was one particular flower she grew very attached to, Tony didn’t know why – it wasn’t different from other ones whose petals they had already removed – so they sneaked it into Jane’s bouquet when nobody was looking, Tony promised Leia that it would go to mommy, and she seemed pretty pleased with herself.

“You know, there’s a little kid,” Tony started. He grabbed another flower, but this time he started balancing the petals on top of Leia’s head, much to her giggly delight. “A little prince, a lot like you. He lives in a tiny little planet that only has this one rose, and that rose is his best friend. The rose, she’s a lot like…”

From the available choices, Tony reached for the flower that most resembled a common rose. This one was pink, though. And Asgardian.

“This one. The prince thought she was unique in all the world. But here’s the thing, he traveled the universe. And he found out that there are planets that have a lot of flowers just like this, so he was wrong, and the one that was his best friend wasn’t unique in all the world.”

He didn’t think Leia was really following – she reached for a petal from the flower he was holding out in front of her, and said “geh-me.” Tony didn’t stop talking though, he figured kids could sense the “I love you” even in words that they didn’t understand.

“But she still was, in a way. Unique in all the world. Because she was his best friend. You know what I think?”

Leia let go of the flower petals she had in hand, and they fell to her lap when she tried to reach forward to grab the ostentatious gold ornament that was clipping Tony’s maroon cape to his shoulder.

“I think mommy’s gonna love that one flower, even though there’s a lot of others like it. Just because you were the one that picked it. Right?”

Of course, there was absolutely zero need to “teach” Leia how to throw flower petals in the air over her head. She was a natural.

As for the walking, Tony got to practice it a little with her as the throne room started filling up with people. He let her marvel at the flower arrangements and bounce around the place to release some of the bottled up energy. She seemed fairly familiar with the room already, it was part of her home, after all. When the more illustrious guests started arriving, and the people organizing the ceremony started to clear the area, Stark picked Leia up and they stayed by the doors, peeking in and people-watching until Tony knew he’d built enough of an aura of camaraderie between the two of them for him to put her back down and trust her to keep coming back whenever she wandered away.

He decided he’d be the one carrying the basket. That would leave Leia with a pair of free hands to grab flowers, and the hope was that the basket would keep her walking near Tony – or at least bouncing back toward him for more petals every time she became empty-handed. Holding Leia by the hand as they walked was always an option, of course, but why limit her spark like that?

Thor’s presence at the altar was going to be the danger variable, though. The royal tradition to keep the groom with his back turned to the doors would serve Stark well, but he was still pretty sure that the second Leia realized it was her father that was standing up ahead, there’d be no amount of flower baskets that would keep her from running to him.

As soon as Linda and Fandral set foot on the aisle – Tony and Leia were next – he placed the little basket on the floor and knelt down so he could take a better look at the girl.

“Hey, who’s my Rockstar?”

“Me!”

“Yes, you.” He took care of the blonde ringlets that were sticking out of her hairdo. “Almost our turn, huh, just like we practiced. You got this?”

“I got is.”

Tony smiled.

“Promise me something. Hey, lovely.” He kept looking at her until she locked eyes with him, and he could tell that she was paying attention. Then he smiled again. “Don’t leave me alone out there, okay?”

“Okay.”

“Wait for me. Okay?”

“Okay!”

“Forget-me-not.”

She grabbed a fistful of flower petals from the basket.

“Geh-me-naw!”

“Exactly.”

He planted a quick kiss on top of her head.

“Don’t forget me.”

When Leia realized it was Thor at the altar, she didn’t run directly to him, but she gasped excitedly, then came back to grab Tony by the hand and make him walk faster, pointing to her father, like she wanted to take Tony to him as well. Tony picked her up from the ground before she could run off, just as someone stepped forward to take the basket from him.

Leia whined a little as Stark walked them to their designated spot at the altar, but a bright smile from Thor fortunately kept her from getting too loud. Tony turned her so she could look at the aisle with all of the flower petals, and whispered a “See? You got it,” just before Leia started reacting to the sight of her twin brother coming down with Steve.

Tony was looking at Thor as Jane came in. Leia was clapping and pointing at her mother.

Leia gave no evidence that she would settle anywhere nearly as much as Luke had – if anything, Tony hoped she wouldn’t pull Luke into her restlessness – but it wasn’t anything too bad, or disruptive, or that Tony hadn’t anticipated coming in.

“Hey, Rockstar.” She looked at him. “Shh. They’re talking about you now.”

About future.

… details appear ludicrous within a very few years. If we regard the ages which stretch ahead of us as an unmapped and unexplored country, then the detailed geography of the interior must remain unknown – until we reach it. Some chapters end on an optimistic note, others on a pessimistic. Both unlimited optimism and unlimited pessimism about the future are equally justified, it is only a matter according to the point of view, for the one fact about the future of which we can be certain is that it will be utterly fantastic.

Stark was familiar with the quote by Arthur C. Clarke, of course. It is impossible to predict the future, and all attempts to do so in any details appear ludicrous within a very few years. It felt like some form of cosmic callout, given the circumstances.

Because yes, Tony was acutely aware that he was here today in no little part due to a sense of imminent doom – like the Avengers, and Tony’s right to be a part of any of this, would be very much gone soon, and he knew it, and he had to enjoy it while he had it. Otherwise, teleporting to God damn Asgard was just about the worst thing he (and Steve, and everybody else) could do at this point, as far as unsanctioned displays of power went. Stark was sure he’d have to deal with a lot of shit as soon as he got back to Earth.

He was also very aware that last time he allowed himself to get caught up on the projected inevitability of his loss, and demise, and unworthiness –

Well. He almost hadn’t made it out.

But there was something tormenting about possibility, as opposed to inevitability. Something that had blown up in his head and that, back in the day, he couldn’t handle without a drink (or a hundred) – something that he might be having trouble adapting to even now. Because yes, the future was uncharted, and the future could be fantastic, and Tony always actively tried making it so – but then, when it wasn’t? When the future changed into present and it was horrifying?

There was nothing worse than you could have fixed this.

And there was no balance harder for Stark to find than the one between accepting the things he couldn’t change, and changing the things that he could. 

(Clearly, the Serenity Prayer he’d learned at AA had become a bit of a mantra --)

“The biggest mistake in my life led to you. I would not be the man I am today if you hadn’t hit me with your truck in the desert.”

Tony swallowed.

Also clearly, Thor and Jane and the kids stood as evidence of the wonder of some mistakes.

There was something perverse about where the phrase truck in the desert led Tony’s own thoughts, though.

God, not here, he thought. Not today.

“Even as your hair greys, I promise to care for you and our children. Above all, I promise to love you for the rest of my life.”

The statement of eternal – or near-eternal, at least – commitment from Thor had, of course, brought tears to a lot of eyes, Stark’s included. But probably not for the best reasons in his case.

Not for the first time, it occurred to him that Thor would see Jane die. Again. He’d seen it one time, and Tony had seen him seeing it. That’s what Tony remembered at that moment.

All that wonder around him, and Tony’s mind chained him to that moment.

Leia was still shifting in his arms, busying herself with that gold cape clip on his shoulder. Tony still remembered the first time he ever held her, and how it shouldn’t have been him holding her, it should have been Thor, or Jane, but Thor was gone and Jane was dead and it had been his fault.

Thor didn’t want Jane on Earth anymore. Because she was enhanced. She had some wildly unpredictable substance coursing through her veins, and that, also, was Tony’s fault. And now the SRA was a potential danger to her and the kids and the SRA existed largely due to his misdoings.

The color palette of the entire wedding ceremony started dulling around Tony, and he closed his eyes, and again he felt separate, an impostor, like everything was slipping. He always knew he would have to make sacrifices, when the storm really hit, he’d have to deal with isolation, and distance, and other people’s hatred –

(If he was lucky. If those people were still free to hate him outside prison cells, if they were still there to hate him at all.)

-- It was going to be harder than he’d ever suspected –

Stark inhaled sharply when he suddenly felt his cape falling off his right shoulder – the other side was still secure, but the fabric was so heavy that when one side dropped, he thought someone might have been trying to pull it, and him, from behind.

But no, after looking over his shoulder in alarm, and catching Steve’s poorly contained smile, Tony turned his attention back to Leia.

She was turning in her hands the gold ornament that had been clipping Tony’s cape to his shoulder. Then she stared up at him.

“Oops.”

Tony couldn’t suppress a quiet laugh, then he kissed Leia on the cheek several times, until her giggling started getting too disruptive. She watched the rest of Jane’s vows with her arms around Tony’s neck, their cheeks lightly touching against each other. And then, because the cape and that massive clip weren’t there anymore, Leia was also able to rest her head against Tony’s shoulder, and she got a little quieter after that.

“Who’s my Rockstar?” He whispered.

“Me!”

Again, some mistakes yielded wonders, and memories worth fighting for.

“Yes, you.” He kissed the top of her head. “Don’t forget me.”

Leia didn’t say anything, she was paying attention to her parents now.

God, grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, Tony thought. Courage to change the things that I can.

Tony closed his eyes after Thor and Jane’s kiss.

“Anyway, I’m actually here for Jane.”

He wanted to follow up on the whole Extremis situation. He’d neglected to do that for way too long. Thor’s look of surprise made it kind of obvious that yes, he really had succeeded to remove himself from people’s lives, to the point where it was probably weird that he “suddenly” cared. He’d been having a lot of moments like these recently. His previous behavior now seemed clearly – and painfully – counterproductive to him, given how all that he’d wanted to do all this time was try to make sure that everyone would be fine and he wouldn’t have to lose anything else.

Thor still let him in, of course, explaining that Jane was in the shower but she would probably come out soon.

(Not even then did it occur to Tony that he might have wanted to call first.)

He followed Thor to the kitchen, where he’d been feeding the twins before Tony’s arrival. Tony sat on the same chair he’d occupied the day he talked to Jane about Extremis for the first time, though now the weight of uncertainty on his shoulders was decidedly lighter. Still, remembering that day brought a pang of guilt that Tony tried to push through as he watched Thor resuming his seat between the high chairs of the twins.

Thor alternated between feeding one and then the other, and for a moment Tony almost offered to help, before deciding that Thor knew what he was doing better than he ever could. He probably had a whole system in place.

Jane showed up eventually, interrupting their small talk. She seemed surprised to see Tony as well.

“Yeah, all right, I’ll be back soon,” she said, holding on to the back of a chair at the corner of the table. “There’s just something I need to grab in the bedroom first.”

She looked expectantly at Thor, until his expression changed from confusion to understanding.

“I will help you,” Thor said as he stood up. Tony supposed it was because Jane wasn’t tall enough to reach whatever it was that she needed. “Would you watch them?”

The question was directed at Tony.

“Sure,” he said, with an added, “What could possibly go wrong?” as Thor and Jane exited the kitchen together.

Tony leaned forward so he could support his folded arms on top of the table. The twins were secure on their high chairs across from him, Thor’s now empty chair between the two.

He noted Thor had left the plastic bowl of mashed… something that he’d been using to feed the twins, on top of the tray table in front of Leia.

Leia’s locks of hair had grown considerably since Tony last saw her. She bounced slightly on her seat as she looked at him, then she directed her attention back to the bowl.

“Yeah, daddy left it right there,” he said. “It probably wasn’t a good idea.”

She looked at him. Then back into the bowl.

“Right?”

Leia put her hand in the bowl grabbed a fistful of food, and Tony immediately stood up in reaction to that.

“Definitely not a good idea.”

Tony grabbed a napkin as he circled the table to get to where Leia was sitting, and fortunately succeeded to clean her hand before she considered tossing food around. Then she stretched out her arms when Tony took the bowl out of her reach.

“Mom and Dad will be back soon, okay, Blondie, just hold on until then.”

She banged her hands against the tray then reached out again.

“Look, I would feed you if I knew how…”

She started flexing her little fingers.

Tony pulled up Thor’s chair and sat down on it.

“Okay,” he said, as he prepared a spoonful. Before, he’d noted that Thor had been feeding Leia with a yellow spoon, and Luke with a pastel green one. “But you’re gonna have to be patient with me here, it’s my first time.”

He hesitated.

“Um. Choo-choo?”

Leia turned her head away when Tony presented her with the spoon.

“Right,” he pursed his lips. “I agree, trains aren’t the most exciting things. How about an airplane?”

This time, Leia avoided the spoon by touching her chin against her chest.

“Formula 1 car.”

He simulated the sound with theatrical eagerness. Leia smiled, but looked away from him again when the food got close to her mouth.

“Quinjet?”

Nothing again.

Tony examined the spoon.

“My favorite suit of armor,” he suggested. “My two first ones were all silver, but then I picked another metal for the one that came right after them, and that one was all golden under the red paint, kind of like this spoon, almost. This is yellow, but you get what I mean.”

Leia’s locks bounced when she banged her hands happily against the tray table again.

“Actually, your hair would be a better comparison,” he added. “My favorite armor is all gold like your hair.”

Leia looked up to avoid the spoon when Tony guided it closer to her. Tony half-laughed, half-sighed.

“Tough crowd, huh?”

He turned his attention to Luke, who was busying himself by chewing on one of the handles of his sippy cup.

“How about you, Space Pirate?” He asked. Luke looked up at him. “Help me not feel like a complete failure over here.”

Luke immediately straightened up when Tony grabbed the green spoon.

“What is it gonna be?” He asked, lifting up the spoon and guiding it to Luke. “Train? Car? Quinjet? Iron Man?”

Luke actually leaned forward to take the food.

“Anything,” Tony nodded. “Right. You’re easier.”

Tony wasn’t sure he would say Luke was easily impressed, but he was easy to entertain, mostly because he seemed to be always engaged and paying attention to something (even if it meant ignoring his surroundings). He looked up at Tony eagerly whenever he pulled the spoon away, and responded easily to any face Tony made. In the end, Tony was just smiling, and (perhaps uncharacteristically) relaxed as he accompanied Luke’s movements with his eyes, because it felt good to not have to go out of his way to make himself seem interesting to someone.

Tony was preparing the fourth spoonful when Leia started making noises behind him.

“Hold on there, Goldilocks,” Tony said. “You had your shot, give me a second.”

He turned back to Luke. Leia whined again.

“Patience is a virtue --” She started clapping her palms against the tray table. “—that you don’t have.”

Tony looked at her, she smiled, and stretched out her arms again. Tony smiled back, took her spoon, and guided it to her mouth. She squirmed away again.

“Look, you gotta make a decision,” Tony said, giving Luke his attention again.

He took the green spoon, but dropped it again when Leia shrieked. He winced.

“Holy f—” Fuck. No. “—ferocious – ducks – wow, that’s some rockstar screeching material that we have over here --” Tony took the yellow spoon. “How about a badass car traveling down the highway to hell…”

Leia giggled at Tony’s imitation of the AC/DC song, but refused the food again.

“I’m starting to think you’re shiitake-mushroom-ing me.”

(Pepper was the one who used “shiitake mushrooms” as a substitute for “shit.” Tony never thought he would ever use the phrase in a context where he wasn’t deliberately poking fun at her.)

“Don’t give me that look, Goldilocks,” Tony smiled at Leia, nonchalantly. She was giggling and biting her bottom lip. “I’m onto you.”

He turned to look at Luke again. He was able to feed the poor kid another spoonful before Leia started whining.

“What do you want from me, I tried everything.”

She kept reaching for the bowl he had in his hand.

Maybe not the bowl. It might be the spoon.

“You wanna play around with this?”

Tony offered her the yellow spoon with no food in it. Leia took it.

“Don’t stick it in your eye --”

No need to say it, because she threw the spoon across the table and stretched out her arms to him again.

“I can’t give you food if you hate your spoon that much,” Tony argued.

Maybe if he tried with Luke’s spoon.

No results. Leia continued to bounce on the chair.

“Okay, let me take care of your brother, and then we’ll figure you out.”

He turned to Luke. Leia whined again.

“Okay, seriously –”

When Tony looked at Leia, she was still holding out her arms, but this time her eyes were glistening, three times larger. She was on the verge of tears.

“Oh, no, we’ll figure it out, okay?” Tony said, putting the bowl down on the table. “Maybe there’s a fun spoon that you like?”

He stood up, and walked over closer to the sink where he promptly gave himself permission to open the drawers and look for the baby eating utensils.

“Don’t worry, I’ve got this,” he said, when Leia whined again.

When Tony looked back at her, she was still reaching for him with one arm, which was weird to him because he wasn’t holding a bowl of food or anything else this time. His forehead creased.

“What?”

Leia pouted.

Tony approached the high chair. This time, he stretched out his arms towards Leia as well, like he was going to take her. The little girl giggled in delight, and reached more eagerly.

“Oh, my God,” Tony whispered. He couldn’t help his smile. “Hi! You want me to hold you?”

Their proximity was making Leia beam.

Tony ended up drawing back his arms, though.

“Sorry,” he said, and he was. “Mom and Dad probably want you to stay there like a polite rockstar who will finish her food before leaving the table.”

Leia kept holding out her hands.

“Okay, we’re not gonna tell them.”

Tony reached for her, and helped her out of the high chair. He sat her on one of his thighs when he took his seat again, keeping her steady with one of his hands while using the other to take Luke’s spoon from the bowl on the table and guide it to his mouth again.

It was tougher to feed Luke this time, because he and Leia kept trying to interact. She seemed content on Tony’s lap.

His body was so heavy and he hauled himself to the edge of his bed, holding the covers over himself. There was an echoing giggle coming from his bathroom, and clothes of multiple women were strewn across the floor. He tried standing up but the room started spinning around him and he staggered forward into his door.

The giggling got closer, not louder, and he felt many fingers running across his body. They traced all the muscles on his back, arms, and chest. When they moved lower, he pushed the women away. They fell back onto the floor, still giggling.

Were they all drugged? Was he? Everything kept moving as he scanned the floor for his clothing. He found some pants and put them on just as Fandral walked into his room.

“Thor? Are you alright?”

Fandral caught him, kept him from falling. It was refreshing to see the familiar face, but something was off. He looked different. His voice was slow and echoing, like he was standing in a cathedral. And was he...missing color? The usual vibrant green of his armor was dull and greyed.

"Where is Jane?"

“Who is Jane?”

"Where are my children?"

“What?”

"Luke and Leia...the twins..."

“Thor, you don’t have any children…”

Those words echoed through his bedroom, and he heard something behind him. When he turned, he was wearing full armor, with Odin standing before him. The scenery changed - he wasn’t in his bedroom anymore, now he was standing before the throne. It was dark in the room, the only light coming from dark blue flames on the torches lining the walls. Odin’s presence was stoic and haunting, and his face was hidden by shadows.

“Father? What’s going on?”

Odin’s jaw dropped and black smoke came pouring from his mouth. “I have gotten rid of the problem.”

His voice shook like thunder.

Thor stepped forward through the thick fog now covering the ground. “What are you talking about? What have you done?”

“You broke your promise.”

Odin pointed out over Thor’s shoulder with a white bony finger. Thor turned. The floor was no longer visible through the black clouds, but there was a table sitting in the middle of the room. A white glowing figure was laying on the table - Jane.

Thor tried to run to her side, but the smoke turned to tendrils that wrapped around his legs and wouldn’t let him move. He fell forward and tried crawling. He shouted her name, but no sound was leaving his mouth. As the fog overtook him, the only thing he could hear was the a deep laugh rattling in his head.

His vision went black.

Thor shot up in his bed panting, sweating. He was disoriented, his sight blurry like when he woke up before...but then he reached next to him and found Jane’s hand. He closed his hand around hers and let himself sink back into reality. His nightmares were always so real. They were a rare occurrence. After all, what is the God of Thunder afraid of?

Losing Jane, the twins. His freedom to be with them.

It was strange how two small creatures could change his life so drastically. Until Shield fell, he had been spending most of his days as a father, trying to keep Jane safe. Now they had no safety net - none of them did. The Avengers were trying to find more heroes to join their cause and become something greater, and the only thing Thor could do is be a rock for the team. Truly they did need one, but he had been spending less time with his family as a result over the last week. He didn’t know how to break it to his friends on Asgard that they may be needed soon to help defuse some situations on Midgard. He had full faith in the Avengers, but he also didn’t know the full extent of the power Hydra had. They worked with the Tesseract technology for over fifty years, they must have built something somewhere that no one knew about.

Pulling the covers off him, he slowly got out of bed so he wouldn’t disturb Jane. He opened the top drawer in his dresser and pulled out a small box hidden in the back underneath one of his shirts. He gripped it tightly in his hands as he left the room. He left the door open a crack and he walked over to the twins room. They were both sleeping soundly, which was such a relief. At least they were dreaming peacefully. He learned the art of walking softly while they were asleep - though around anyone else he would still be as thunderous as ever. He sat down in the rocking chair and watched the two sleep through the slats in the crib.

The chair creaked as he leaned backward. He heard both of them start to stir. When they didn’t immediately start crying, he knew he was in the clear. They both started rolling around, and with a soft bluish orange glow coming in through the blinds he knew it was almost daylight anyway. They’d slept the whole night and were all ready for the day. He felt like he hadn’t slept at all, but he could always nap later when Jane was awake.

Luke pulled himself up first. He was so strong; they both were. They didn’t have a handle on walking yet, but they could sit up and pull themselves up to their feet. And Luke was standing, gripping the railing smiling sleepily at Thor. He went over and picked up his son, forgetting momentarily about the box in his hand that dug slightly into Luke’s side. He didn’t make a noise, but his curiosity made him grab for the box.

“Sorry, oh,” Luke managed to get the box in his strong baby grip. “It’s for your mother, would you like to see it?”

He gave him a bright, wide-eyed look. Thor had to almost pry the box from his hands, and he clumsily opened it while still holding the baby in one arm. It was a tiny ring made of uru, so instead of being shiny it was a hardened grey. There were ornate symbolings tracing the band, similar to the ones on Mjolnir. Sitting on the top were three glowing gemstones - stones that shone like starlight, from Alfheim.

Luke stared at the ring, no longer trying to grab at it. He seemed mesmerised by the light emitting from the gems.

“I’m going to ask your mother to marry me. Is that alright?”

He looked up at Thor again and smiled so wide he could see both teeth that had grown in. He made happy squealing noises, and that’s when Leia started making noises too. He bent down to show Leia the ring. She stared at it for a few seconds and then started smiling as happily as her brother.

Thor didn’t think they understood what marriage was, but they knew it was a good thing and that was all he cared about. If they didn’t want him to be with Jane, they would have let him know, right? By being upset. But babies didn’t understand good and bad yet - they do understand happiness and sadness. He shut the box again and he kissed Luke on the forehead. He shoved the ring in the pocket of his pajama pants before pulling Leia out of her crib.

He was so happy to have them. All three of them. It would take more than a nightmare to keep him from having his family together as long as possible. Now that he had his children’s blessing, he just had to figure out when to pop the question.