#jamieisms

‘ OKAY , SO MOVIE NIGHT IS A BUST — ‘ , but that doesn’t stop the piece of popcorn from being tossed up in the air only to be caught in his mouth . falling back onto the arm of the sofa , he tosses one towards jamie and offers a gesture of his hands as if to clap for his expertise in the matter . ‘ so — ‘ what the hell else are they supposed to do with the wifi out ? in the year 2023 ? ‘ at least there’s still power , otherwise we could make shadow puppets by candlelight — or play a terrible game of cards , what do you think ? ‘

there had been a void inside her ever since she had woken up in the hospital - she had felt nothing but guilt and a killing numbness as she had heard the news and there hadn’t been a single thought inside her head other than ‘that should’ve been me’. he hadn’t d e s e r v e d to die, she supposed she hadn’t either but if she had to pick between her and him there wasn’t a doubt in her mind that he should’ve been the one who got to live. she DESPISED that she was the one who had to live with the guilt, that she was the one who was being b l a m e d - it hadn’t been either of their fault, but then why was she still feeling like she had to point the finger to herself ? perhaps if she hadn’t been so clouded by the idea of him loving her none of this would’ve happened, perhaps she would’ve gone to her sister after they had first slept together, or she wouldn’t have a l l o w e d it to happen again - anything to make his pain go away. the words that jamie spat out broke here, she could feel her glass heart shattering in a million pieces. she understood, had she been in his position she probably would’ve felt the same - but the truth was that she didn’t d e s e r v e this. a tear rolled down her PORCELAIN cheek, and it was almost as if she could feel a c r a c k appear right where it had landed, leaving a trail of rips behind before it dropped on the floor. there was a lump in her throat that she just didn’t seem to be able to swallow down. it was almost like the words physically hit her and she felt herself being pushed back, taking a step back - d i s t a n c i n g herself with jamie. ‘ yeah. so do i. ’

“one of our boys is visiting us, he’s not lived with us in years, but as soon as he stepped through the front door, he was back to being a teenager”. 

jamie stood in the doorframe, leaning into one side in front of daesung. their arms were crossed in front of their chest as they let their gaze travel around the room. it was a complete mess - shoes, books and other things were piled up everywhere. daesung hadn’t bothered to do anything about it as he had spent the past few weeks by himself and not gone out ( classes were an exception. other than that, he’d had no contact with anyone ). “i wasn’t expecting anyone at all. if i were to, you’d be the last one.”