#james003

To say that she was rattled would not even remotely begin to cover it.  Lily Evans was terrified.  Her hands were shaking, her face was pale, and her skin felt as if it were crawling.  She had been stupid, she knew, but she’d also been angry.  Angry at Rosier for the damage he’d done to James the day before, for the fight he’d had with Sirius during the feast - though in all fairness she was cross with both of them for that - and she’d set out to do the only thing about it that she could.  The detention was coming anyway, perhaps she had been foolish to seek out Rosier to tell him in person.  

Fists clenched as she walked back to her common room, nails digging into flesh until the portrait swung closed behind her, and only once she was sure that the common room was empty did she let out the ragged breath that she had been holding.  Her breath came out in a broken sob and her knees gave out from beneath her.  She crumpled into the closest chair she could manage where she curled in on herself, shaking.

James had a heck of a time convincing Poppy to let him go back to his own room, but he assured her that Lily would be there to watch over him and she let him leave. Little did he know he’d be the one who had to take care of Lily.

He stepped into the common room and his eyes immediately landed on her. “Hey, Lil—” The greeting caught in his throat when he saw her, curled into a ball and trembling. “Are you okay? Who did this?” He demanded as he moved across the room and knelt in front of her chair.

She’d hoped he would be in the hospital wing longer, that she would at least have managed to get her legs steady under her and get to her room.  That had been the plan.  She wasn’t foolish enough to think she’d have any privacy in the Common Room but her legs had had other ideas.  

She struggled to control her breathing the moment she heart the portrait swing open.  Her lips were pressed tightly together and she shook her head at his question.  “I’m fine,” she insisted, lying through her teeth.  “It’s nothing.”

"Please don’t do that. Don’t act like nothing happened," he murmured as he took stock of her. "Let me get you some ice, okay? And I’ll start the fire and you can relax and we can talk about it if you want," he offered. "Are you hurt, though, or just shaken up?" He needed to make sure she wasn’t internally bleeding like he had been or anything.

"I don’t want to talk about it," she said more sharply than she had meant to.  The idea of telling him, though, scared her out of her wits. Not to mention she didn’t want to relive it, not if she could help it. "Just shaken, I think," she said as he asked, her voice better under her control.  She could still feel Rosier’s grip on her throat and chin but there were no marks, nothing to ice or conceal.

"Okay… That’s why I said if you want," he clarified and moved away from the chair to start a fire. "Let me get you a blanket then, and maybe a book, and I’ll just give you time to cool off?" He suggested.

As he moved to step away from the chair, a shot of fear ran up Lily’s spine. It surprised her  and she reached out, grabbing his wrist.   “Don’t,” she said, her voice small.  She hated that she sounded so weak and needy but there was nothing she could do about it now.  “Stay.   Please.”  Now that he was here, she didn’t want to be alone.  The idea sent panic down her spine.

He glanced back at their hands and frowned. “Okay,” he promised. “I’m not going anywhere, yeah? The fire’s right here,” he pointed out. “But if you don’t want me to move, I won’t. Can I sit with you?”

She knew she was asking a lot, considering how hard she’d pushed him away for six years but having him here now simply made her feel calmer and right now that was all she could think of.  She nodded at his question and shifted in the chair so they could both fit.  “Thank you,” she said, her voice quiet and almost embarrassed for how badly she needed him to stay.

"Anytime, love," he murmured and sat down, pushed toward the edge of the chair so he didn’t encroach on too much of her space. But he looped his arm around her and tried to make sure she knew he was there for her. "If you need anything else, lemme know, yeah?"

She stayed curled around herself as he sat and put his arm around her shoulders but as soon as she did, she curled up against him instead.   Her shakes were starting to calm and her skin crawled less with his arm around her.  The heat from the fire warmed her chilled bones and she finally began feeling something akin to normal.

"There you go," he murmured, kissing the top of her head as they sat together. He rubbed her arm as if it would warm her up and stop the shaking. "Whatever it was, I’m going to make it better, okay? You’re safe now." But his mind was spinning. What caused such a drastic change in his bright, laughing Lily flower in such a short time?

Her eyes closed as his hand moved over her arm, doing more to stop the shaking than anything else so far.  She suddenly just felt tired, exhausted even, from the adrenaline.  His voice was quiet, kind, protective, and it soothed her.  “This is making it better,” she said quietly, her exhaustion seeping into her voice.  

He wished he could smile when he heard that, but how could he ever smile when she was this upset? “I’m glad,” he told her, his volume matching hers. “Maybe I could persuade the house elves to bring some hot chocolate up?” He suggested. “We’ll stay here for the rest of the day if that’s what you need.”

She vaguely noticed that he asked her a question and she forced her eyes open to try and listen better.  “I just need to calm down,” she insisted, her voice clearly contradicting her stubborn words.  

James would take that as a yes, then. As if knowing their needs, a house elf popped up with two mugs of the requested hot chocolate. They were mostly well hidden and only came around after hours, but James had gotten to know them well enough over the past few years.

"Thanks," James murmured to the elf and leaned forward to take the mugs, releasing Lily for a few moments in order to do so. "Here, love, you want this right now or should I put it aside?" He asked as the house elf disappeared again.

"Now is fine," she said as the smell of the hot chocolate reached her.  Lily forced herself to wake up a bit and sit up so she could take the mug he offered her.  She pulled her knees up to her chest as she rested the mug on top of them, letting the steam warm her cheeks.  "I’m sorry you came back to me such a mess," she said after a moment, eyes on her hot chocolate.

He sat up with her and blew on the top of his drink to start cooling it off a bit. “You don’t ever have to apologize to me, Lil,” he assured as he glanced over at her. “And you’ve seen me a mess more times than I can count, so we’re more than even now, yeah?”

She knew he had a point but that didn’t do much to cool the pink on her cheeks the steam was easily explaining away.  Lily didn’t like needing other people, feeling weak and needing someone to make her feel safe.   It had happened only once before and Sirius had kindly not mentioned it to anyone, much to Lily’s relief.  “I don’t like being this way.”  The admission was quiet, far more honest than she was used to with anyone but Marlene.  “Shaken.  Needy.  I’m not.”

"You’re right. You’re not," he agreed, trying not to let her intense vulnerability and honesty throw him off too much. She’d never been this way with him, but he knew she was perfectly capable of it, so he tried not to comment. "I don’t know what it was, but you dealt with a difficult and unusual circumstance today, and we’re not going to let it happen again, yeah? I’m going to do everything I can to keep you safe, yeah? I’d die if it meant protecting you. I hope you know that."

She had chalked the safety she felt in James’ arms up to just being around someone who she was sure would not hurt her.  To being with someone she knew and trusted and would let her be as on her own as she needed.  But as his words settled in, she couldn’t help but raise her eyes to him with mild surprise in her expression.  She was still getting used to this James, the one she’d seen on the train and the one she sat with now, so different from the one she had known all through school.   “Why?” she asked after a moment, genuine confusion on her face.  After all, that was not the reaction she was used to.

He considered her words for a moment, his voice quiet when he finally spoke. “Because I don’t believe what any of them say about you. I don’t believe talent and magical ability are measured by who your parents are, and I think you prove that every day. You have more skill in a pinky than most purebloods ever have. And when you find someone as special and talented, bright, dedicated, as you, you don’t punish them. You help them thrive.” He smiled and kissed her on the cheek. “You’re gonna change the world someday, Lil.”

She wasn’t sure what kind of answer she had wanted or expected when she had asked him why.  The word had slipped from her lips before she could think better of it, one she might never have asked if she’d taken even half a second to think about it.  And then he answered, and she felt a bit like she couldn’t breath.  Her head spun with the way his words were influencing her emotions, the fear and insecurity she’d been feeling now at war with the sheer gratitude his words inspired in her and she smiled at the kiss.  “You’ve gone quite sappy, James Potter,” she said with a smile that reached her eyes, her voice soft despite the teasing words.  “Thank you.”  That was more somber, but just as genuine as she rested her head on his shoulder.

He smiled at that and kissed the top of her head. “Surprisingly, I’m a sappy guy,” he mused. This was just how he usually thought about her. He’d never said much of it aloud because he hadn’t known how to properly deliver it, but this seemed a somber and genuine enough setting to let his actual thoughts and feelings through. “Sirius will attest to that. And you’re welcome.”

The idea of James Potter being a sappy guy brought a smirk to Lily’s seemingly permanently turned down lips, but as the idea took a moment and sank it, it didn’t surprise her at all.  After all, he’d only been asking her out for ages, you didn’t do that if you didn’t have at least a little bit of a hopeless romantic in there somewhere.  And then he mentioned Sirius and for the first time since she’d entered the common room, she chuckled.  “Wax poetic often, do you?” she asked, tilting her head up so she could grin up at him. 

He beamed down at her, relieved and surprised to hear her laughing. The grin was a step in the right direction, too. “Only to you, really. Sirius, sometimes, but it’s nowhere near as sappy as I am with you,” he grinned back.

The words were said lightly but the meaning behind them wasn’t lost on Lily.  And it made her nervous.  The idea that there was a way he acted only around her, coupled with the way he’d spoken about her before, it was more than Lily was ready for.  More than she could handle yet.  Her smile didn’t wane but she did push herself up so there was space between them.  “Poor Sirius,” she joked lightly.  “He must feel very put out.”

"Ah, no. I mean, no offense but he’s always my number one," he chuckled. "Dunno if you could top that if you tried."

"None taken," she said with the grin still fixed in the corners of her mouth.  She knew well how important Sirius was to James, maybe better than James realized.  Even if she did want to be number one in James’ life - which she absolutely did not what are you talking about - she wouldn’t have dreamed of ousting Sirius Black.  "It’s not as if I hadn’t noticed.  He has all but moved in here, you know," she said with a jokingly raised eyebrow as if she had a problem with the situation, which she surprisingly did not.

"Has he really? Already?" He asked as he looked around. "I haven’t even moved in yet. My word," he rolled his eyes. "What are we going to do about him?" He chuckled and shook his head. Kids these days.

She fought the urge to roll her eyes, something she did far too often when James was involved she knew.  “Change the password?” she suggested with a smug look on her lips, not the least bit serious as it would mean Marlene not being able to let herself in at a whim either.  

"You know he’d find a way in anyway," he chuckled. "Besides, how would the girls get back in?" He could see evidence of their sleepover spread across the common room. There were too many pink and fluffy things lying around to be his or Sirius’s. Well, maybe Sirius’s.

She grinned at the reference to the girls who had indeed spent the first night there while James was in hospital.  “Well I wasn’t about to sit here all on my own the first night back,” she pointed out.  “It’s not my fault the Head Boy went and got himself stuck in the hospital wing in less than twenty four hours.”  

"That’s not my fault either," he protested. "I mean, not entirely. Well, I did try to eat an entire plate of food and overdid it, so that’s on me. But still. Not my fault," he grinned back at her. He leaned away to take a sip of his hot chocolate, the steam from it fogging up his glasses. "I need to find a spell to fix my eyesight, I swear," he grumbled. Now he actually was blind.

"You’re lucky you’ve spent six years trying to charm me, Potter," she pointed out wryly.  "Otherwise I’d think you just wanted to avoid being stuck alone in the dorms with me."  Perhaps she wasn’t ready to acknowledge or think about the serious implications of his feelings for her, but she at least tried to joke about them.  A step in the right direction, she hoped.  "What you need are contact lenses," she said as she pulled her wand from her robes.  With a quick flick she muttered a charm and it cleared the steam from his glasses.  If she’d done it right, which she was sure she had, it should stop them from fogging up ever again.  "Though I rather like the glasses."

"I would spend all my time with you if I could," he told her and blinked when she fixed his glasses. "Thanks for that," he murmured before quirking his head to the side. "You like my glasses?" He repeated. "Really? I think they’re a bit annoying. What are contact lenses?"

She blushed lightly at his words and looked down into her own hot chocolate, taking a sip of the steaming liquid to hide the rather pleased smile she couldn’t stop from turning up the corners of her mouth.  “Contact lenses are like lenses you put right on your eye,” she explained, ignoring his pleasure at the compliment she’d paid him.   “They’re about the size of your iris and they do the same as glasses only you look as if you’re not wearing glasses.”  The explanation was clunky and lacked eloquence but to be fair, so did her explanations of magic when she was talking to her parents.  Some things just did not translate well between her worlds.

"Wait," he frowned and set his hot chocolate on the table closest to them. "So you’re telling me these lens thingies are this big?" He held his thumb and index finger an inch apart. "How do those stay over your eyes?" Muggle technology was confusing.

She laughed as he held up his fingers and shook her head. “How big do you think your iris is?” She asked as she reached over to press his fingers closer together. She arranged them so they were about as far apart as a dime. “They’re about that big and they go in your eye, not over it like glasses.”

James’ eyes widened. “In your eye?” He repeated. “How do you stick a piece of plastic in your eye? That’s so uncomfortable!” He protested, alarmed at the very thought. He was definitely okay with having glasses.

As much as she had needed and appreciated his comforting embrace at first, she hadn’t realized how badly she had simply needed to laugh.   Her amusement only increased with James’ revulsion at the idea of contact lenses.  “Apparently you can’t feel it at all,” she insisted through her breathless giggles.  “You should see your face.  You’d think I told you muggles stick glass in their eyes for fun.”

"That’s what it sounds like!" He protested, but her laughter was infectious and his panic gave way to a round of chuckles as well. "Maybe you’re just bloody awful at describing this stuff. This is all on you, you know that?" He grinned. Merlin, it was good to hear her laughing.

"They’re not that bad," she insisted, though to be honest the idea of sticking anything in her eyes did make her shudder a bit.  "I am not awful at it," she insisted, dropping her jaw and faking offense.  "How would you know anyway?  You wouldn’t know contact lenses from contact paper if you were out in the muggle world alone."

"What is contact paper?" He couldn’t help but ask once his laughs had subsided. "How is it different from the plastic they make contact lenses from?"

"Contact paper is this sticky sided paper you put on drawers to keep them from getting scuffed up or something."  She tried to explain yet another muggle object but this one, as she did, she had to admit she didn’t understand.  She screwed up her face as she tried to explain the importance but gave up with a laugh.  "I honestly have no idea what it’s for but my mum uses it on every shelf in the house."

He laughed at that. “Well, you’ll have to owl and ask her for a better explanation, because I’m still confused. And while you’re at it, ask her to explain contact lenses, because you’re rubbish at that,” he teased.

"I explained them just fine," she said, setting her near empty mug of hot chocolate on the table next to the chair so she had a hand free to chuck one of the throw pillows in James’ direction.  "You’re just too thick to picture it right." she teased, sticking her tongue out at him for the second time in as many days.

He laughed as he caught the pillow and playfully smacked her leg with it. “I am not! I’m a genius, for your information,” he grinned. “Just not about Muggle things. Is that my fault?”

Lily swatted at the pillow and couldn’t stop herself as she snorted when he called himself a genius.  “Oh excuse me, great all knowing one,” she said impishly.  “i didn’t realize I was in the presence of genius.  i would have thrown a far fancier pillow.”

"As you should have. What is this garbage?" He joked as he looked in mock, prissy horror down at the pillow. "I think it’s cotton. I need the finest of silks. Didn’t you know that?” He grinned up at her again.

"Well excuse me, your majesty," she said with a roll of her eyes.  "Perhaps this will be more to your standards."  She pointed her wand at a pillow on another chair and flicked.  The pillow whipped through the air, turning from cotton to sil in a matter of moments as it aimed for James’ chest.

James caught it after it hit his chest, giving a light “oof!” of surprise. “There. That’s much better,” he laughed and smacked her gently with it. “You are a prat, Lily Evans,” he grinned.

She grinned proudly as the pillow made contact and she gave an fake yelp that faded into a laugh as he hit her with the pillow again.  “And you love it, James Potter,” she retorted thoughtlessly.  

He was nearly as thoughtless in his reply. “I love—” He managed to stop himself and coughed. “That you’re a prat, yes. Obviously.” No way was this going to be how he told her he loved her. Not on the first weekend at school. Not a day after he’d realized it for himself. “I mean, I’ve spent so much time being a prat that I think you’re well overdue to act like one to me, yeah?” He started to babble, trying to cover for his very near mistake.

For half a moment it occurred to Lily that James was about to say something else, something that would have ruined the peaceful fun they were having, not through any fault of his own but because Lily would have bolted like the proverbial deer in headlights.  She was happy, though, to smirk at the words he chose instead and to file away her fears for later.  “I suppose it’s my turn,” she said with an exasperated sigh.  “That’s a lot of pratish behavior I have to make up for, though.  Are you sure you’re up for it?”

"Even if I’m not ready, I deserve it," he laughed. "So bring it on, Evans. Try to get to my level of pratishness. There’s no way that’s a word, by the way, but I just made it up."

"I don’t know if I could ever get to that level of pratishness," she admitted, chuckling as she said the made up word.  "You’ve brought home the gold in pratishness.  But I’ll do my best," she assured with an impish grin.  "It’s not," she agreed, "but if Shakespeare can make up words, so can you."

He smirked to see that kind of grin on her face. He’d make a rule breaker out of her yet. “Shakespeare?” He repeated. “What is that?”

Her eyes widened, her grin dropping from her lips in real surprise this time.  “James.  Charlus.  Potter,” she intoned, a pause between each name.  “Don’t tell me you’ve never heard of Shakespeare.  William Shakespeare.  Playwright. Most famous playwright of all time?  Lived before the Statue of Secrecy and so you absolutely should know who he is?”

His eyes widened right back and he held his hands up. “Whoa! What are you full naming me for?” He protested. “I don’t know this guy—what did he write?”

"Because he is famous. Really famous. Muggle and magic worlds both kinds of famous.  And he’s brilliant.  And he put magic in his plays all the time."   She pushed herself off the chair as she spoke, making her way towards her dorm.  She shouted her words to him from the open door as she dug a book out of her trunk and came back to the common room.   "Here."  She tossed the small and well loved book in his lap.   "Midsummer’s Night Dream.  Fairies playing jokes on humans, love spells, and a man with a donkey head.  You’ll love it."

He watched her go, and caught the book as easily as if he were catching a Quaffle. “Lil, no offense, but I don’t really read for fun,” he wrinkled his nose. “Or at all.”

She dropped back onto the couch where she’d been sitting, not as concerned anymore with keeping the entire length of the couch between them.  They’d started out curled up together and then she’d pushed far away, now they sat at a happy easy middle.  “Thought you were supposed to be a genius,” she pointed out.  “Read it, don’t, up to you.  I think you’ll like it, though.”

"Well, you could read it to me?" He grinned. "Or we could act it out. It’s a play, right?"

"You can’t read a play to someone like a book," she pointed out.  "It would be too confusing."  She laughed lightly at his suggestion of acting it out.  "What, in the Common Room?  Like twelve year olds playing pretend?"

"Why not?" He grinned. "Just a scene or two. Puh-leaaazze?" He pouted. He was very persuasive, he liked to think. Sirius had taught him puppy dog eyes.

She considered the idea for a moment and then shook her head.  “It would be ridiculous,” she argued, taking the book back from him and flipping through it.  “The only scenes with just two people are either the fairy king and queen telling each other they’re awful or Lysander and Hermia being sappy.”

James tried unsuccessfully not to smirk. “Yeah? So?” He asked, his eyebrows raised. Heh. “We’re all for role reversal here tonight, aren’t we? You’re supposed to be a prat because I’m sappy. Obviously we should just read both.”

She glared at him for a moment before sighing and stopping on a page near the beginning.  “Alright,” she said, scooting across the couch so they could both see and read from the book in her hand.  “Lysander and Hermia are in love but Hermia’s father refuses to let her marry him.   He’s just told her she has to marry Demetrius and so she and Lysander plan to run away together,”  She explained, feeling rather silly about the whole thing.  “You start,” she said, pointing to the first line.  

James took one look at his first line and burst out laughing. “Dear Merlin, what have I signed on for?” He chuckled, but said it anyway through a fit of quiet laughs.

She laughed as he did, convinced they wouldn’t get through more than a couple of lines.  “I never intended us to read it out loud,” she pointed out as she tried to get her breath under control to read the next line, doing her best to seem upset and pouty as Hermia was supposed to be and failing miserably every time she saw James’ smirk out of the corner of her eye.

James very barely managed the, “Ay me!” required of his next line in the most obnoxious and exaggerated tone he could muster before laughing again. “This is ridiculous. Whose terrible idea was this? Certainly not mine,” he laughed before finishing out the line.

"It was a terribly idea, of course it was yours," she pointed out, interrupting his line with a bump of her shoulder against his and her next one.  "For Merlin’s sake, this is more ridiculous than when Mary and Marlene and I did this in first year."  She could remember acting scenes out with the girls when they were younger, it was a decidedly different experience and she had felt far less self conscious than she did at this moment.  Not to say it was a bad feeling, but it was certainly - different.

"I have great ideas, so excuse you," he laughed. "And this is my first exposure to Shakespeare, so you better make it good," he teased and nudged her right back.

James was doing just fine until they got to the longer sections of the scene. “And there, gentle Hermia,” he paused, a little surprised by the next few lines. He hadn’t known what was coming from this scene. “May I marry thee,” he finished and glanced up at her for a brief second before he continued on. His voice was softer now, more earnest. “And to that place the sharp Athenian law cannot pursue us.” It felt real—morseo than it should, probably. He wet his lips and stared down at the book held between them. “If thou lovest me then,” oh, how he hoped she would, “steal forth thy father’s house to-morrow night.”

He glanced up at her and finished the lines without taking his eyes off her. Suddenly, it wasn’t as funny anymore.

In Lily’s defense, it had been years since she’d taken the time to read through this play.  She remembered the gist, remembered the bigger plot points, but as she’d chosen this scene, she hadn’t entirely thought through the content.  James voice softened and as it did, Lily felt a lump in her throat that made it hard for her to swallow.  She couldn’t keep her eyes from glancing up as he read the lines, peering at him to watch him read and quickly looking back down before she could be caught doing so.  

And then he looked up and his eyes on her were warm and she couldn’t look away from the page as he couldn’t look away from her.  “I swear to thee by Cupid’s strongest bow,” she began, her voice steadier than she’d imagined it would be.  It remained soft and steady as she repeated vow after vow and finished the line, looking up at him as her voice faded out.

James Potter was certainly not about to cry over some book. But there was a slight glimmer in his eyes when she looked up at him again. Something in the way she spoke, the way she’d delivered the lines, gave him hope that maybe even if she didn’t mean them now, she would someday. And someday was good enough for him. Someday wasn’t too far off. He’d waited six years now; he could take a few more months.

"Keep promise, love," he finished the scene, holding her gaze as he did. Someday.

She made the very obvious mistake of looking at him as he finished the scene, as he spoke the last line, still holding her gaze with his own.  They weren’t laughing anymore, there was no giggling and chuckling over the foreign words and exaggerated deliveries.  It was quiet between them now but it wasn’t uncomfortable.  If anything, it was charged.  

"So," she said, swallowing hard and sitting back to put at least an semblance of distance between them, though not nearly what there had been before, "that’s Shakespeare."

He dropped his gaze briefly to her lips before he nodded and looked back to the book. “Brilliant,” he murmured and cleared his throat. “Ah, I’ll hang onto this for a few days, if you don’t mind? Actually read it?”

"Sure," she said, probably with more enthusiasm than the answer warranted.  Silence that was comfortable before now felt strange.  Still not uncomfortable, not exactly, but Lily felt the longer they sat in it the harder it would be to find the friendly ease with which they’d been passing the evening.  "I - um - hope you enjoy it."  Yes.  Because that was less stilted and awkward.

"Yeah." He was glad he had that word, to spit out in situations like this, when he couldn’t think of anything else to say. "Ah, are you doing okay now? I should probably go set up my stuff in my room." He hadn’t exactly had the chance to do so yet. "But I don’t want to leave unless you’re feeling better."

"I’m fine," she assured him, forcing herself after a moment to stand from the couch.  "I didn’t get much settling in done either," she admitted.  "The girls were here so we stayed mostly in the Common Room."  Mostly, though, it was as good an excuse as any to run and hide.  "Thank you, though," she said before she went, biting her lip.   "For staying with me.  I-" can’t think of anything else that isn’t terribly embarrassing.  She thought silently.  So instead she just ducked her head before she turned tail and disappeared in to her room.  

James grinned as he watched her go, biting the inside of his cheek. She would come around eventually, even if it took some time. He turned and headed back into his room, unpacking for a while before he settled in and tried reading the book. If Lily recommended it, he was going to get through it no matter how dull and confusing it was.

It was only after he’d started reading that he remembered he’d never found out what was upsetting her.