#jakemckenzie

When the ending of ES3 was released like a month from now, i refused to read it. Part of me don't want it to end, while part of me was hoping for a happy ending. I eventually got spoiled that there were 3 endings, and one with the bittersweet ending. So i've decided to not read it yet. Not until a few days ago. I finished the book last Sunday night. And that night, i haven't done anything but cry and cry and cry. To the point that i can't sleep because my eyes were freaking hurting. This was also because of some fics I've read which made my heart wrench more. Everyday, i just caught myself thinking of the ending, Jake crying and my character leaving Earth.. (still stings btw)

Not until last night that ive realized how affected I was. I had a dream last night and guess what? I can finally say that im a Jake Mckenzie's trash. Like the trash of all trashes.

My whole dream's pretty gloomy at this point. There were only a few things which were vivid. And those were more of being with Jake.

I remember I was with the squad of Endless Summer..

I even remember calling Quinn out..

I can even remember looking at myself.. I was Jessie (my character in ES), i was blonde and wearing the gold and red armor we found floating at the lava.

And then things got bad, some bad guys were trying to kill us.. and I remember Jake catching a bullet for me..

Then I remember him being in a room, lying down, unconscious, surrounded by our friends whom i can say were worried. He was being treated at that moment. Then I sat beside him, and pressed my forehead to his, whispering to him that he's going to be okay. And telling him to come back to me.

The next thing i can remember so far, is that we were at a safe house (which was weirdly like at my hometown) and that Jake's awake which made me surprised. Then I can remember the two of us talking to someone, (who was my professor in high school together with his husband; weird, i know). Then Jake said he was scared to talk to them and walked away. I followed Jake outside, and then saw him sat at a bench surrounded by trees. The place were as serene as I can remember in my dreams. And then we talked. I can't recall what the conversation exactly, but it was about him being scared of talking to those ppl.

And then I can clearly remember asking him if he's okay. Then he pulled me onto his lap, wrapping his arms around me, burying his face face on my chest.. and he seems like crying.. i can even recall asking him if am i hurting his wound which was just on the side of his stomach. But he didn't reply, instead he hugged me more tight. And then I hugged him with one of my hands while my other hand ruffles his hair, and I kissed the top of his head.. we stayed like that, just hugging each other.. and then I woke up.

I didn't know what to feel when i woke up. I was feeling a lot at that point. I was sad of waking up from that dream, yet i also feel happy and that I had dreamt about Jake.. I don't know how and I don't know why, but somehow, it feels real, it all felt real to me.. and somehow, this made me feel contentment.

I've never been this attached to a fictional character. To the point of really dreaming about them. This was the first time. You guys might think I'm exagerrating everything I've said, that I'm overreacting. But no, I ain't the type to bluff about things like these. Hells i ain't even that good at making stories.

Title: The Long Haul Pairing: Endless Summer, Jake x MC (who I’ve named Leah) Summary: After saving the world, Jake is faced with a heartbreaking decision.

***

The room is enveloped in the heavy silence that accompanies the pre-dawn hours. A lone figure stands watch beside the bed, troubled and torn. Beside him, a woman appears angelic in sleep. Her tousled blonde hair, silver in the moonlight, forms a halo around her peaceful face. After a night of lovemaking, she is cocooned in the deep slumber of one who feels safe and cherished.

Jake leans down to brush a pale strand from her cheek. His fingers linger, as if he can’t quite help himself. He has been awake for hours, lost in thought, tortured and deliberating.

Less than twenty four hours ago, they saved the whole world and partied like big damn heroes, the life-threatening mysteries and dangers of the island finally conquered. He had never seen her so radiant, incandescent with joy and exhilarated by their victory. By the fact that they had somehow survived it all and still had each other. After the group celebration had dwindled, they had come together with the fire and passion of two people grateful to be alive.

As they lay exhausted in each other’s arms, she had talked endlessly about the future. Her hopes and plans. With him. And as she went on, he had grown increasingly more uncertain, doubt clawing at his gut. Absolutely, she had a future worth planning. But he didn’t, and now that their time on La Huerta was coming to a close, the sad reality of their situation was dawning on him.

So he had kissed her, and murmured the correct vague responses at appropriate intervals, allowing her to dream aloud. But once she drifted off, her cheerful murmuring replaced by slow and steady breathing, he had slipped out of bed to pace restlessly. Weighing his choices. Considering her future happiness.

Hours later, he has finally reconciled himself to the decision he believes to be the most realistic. Jake briefly leaves her side to pack his few belongings, stuffing them into his duffle bag. Then he returns to the bed and gently kisses her forehead, pausing to look upon her one last time.

It feels a bit like he’s dying inside. The thought of leaving her, never holding her again, is agonizing. He shakes his head to clear it, and backs away unsteadily. If he doesn’t go now, he’ll never find the resolve.

Jake does his best to convince himself that this is necessary. Maybe, at first, she’ll feel devastated, he tells himself; but a girl like that won’t be lonely for long. He, on the other hand, will spend the rest of his life trying to forget her. Drinking away his memories, until they half exist, shrouded in a faraway, fairytale past. She’ll move on, to marriage and family. Soon he’ll only be a ghost to her.

He shoulders his bag, and doesn’t allow himself a final glance back before he exits their room. It hurts too damn much.

Accustomed to gliding through the shadows, he easily makes his way down to the grand staircase and through the atrium. Every step of the way he second guesses himself. Leah will feel abandoned by him. Will she blame herself for his leaving? Will she hate him for it?

“Where are you off to this early, Jake?” Sean’s authoritative tone startles him out of his pensive brooding. He nearly jumps a foot. “It’s not even dawn yet. Got somewhere you need to be?”

“Congrats on your stealth skills, Cap,” Jake bites off. “You scared the ever-loving shit out of me.”

Sean raises an eyebrow. “That’s a colorful way of putting it.” He nods toward the duffle bag. “You’re leaving?”

Jake’s jaw tightens. “Yep.”

The quarterback’s stare is stony, accusing. “Does Leah know?”

“I don’t see how any of that is your business,” Jake replies curtly, dodging the question. “Now if you’ll excuse me.”

Sean shakes his head and gives a short, entirely humorless laugh. “Wow, Jake. None of my business? Leah’s feelings and well being aren’t my business? Worrying about my friends isn’t my business?”

Jake turns abruptly, angrily wheeling back around to face his rival. “Oh yeah, I’m sure you’ll make it your business real soon. Comfort her in her time of need. You’ll be there to help her pick up the pieces and move on– with you.” He finds that he’s practically spitting out the words. His fists are balled tightly. “Isn’t that what you’ve wanted this whole time? Aren’t you the fella that always gets the girl?”

Sean blinks in surprise, clearly shocked. He shakes his head. “What are you talking about? We all know how Leah feels about you, and how you feel about her. What’re you doing, man? Why are you running from this?”

“Because that’s what I do, QB,” Jake retorts with exaggerated sarcasm. “I run. It’s what I do best.”

Sean glares back. “What about Leah?” He challenges. “Is this what she gets for trusting you, for loving you? Is this what she deserves?”

Could she really love him? A luckless nobody? Jake hesitates, his chest aching, the regret and longing suddenly too heavy of a burden. In his minds eye, he imagines her still wrapped in sleep, warm and comfortable in the bed they once shared, blissfully unaware of his betrayal. And he hates himself for what he’s about to do. What he must do.

“No,” he answers, resignedly. “She doesn’t deserve this. She deserves so much better than me.” He meets Sean’s gaze. “She deserves someone like you.”

Sean crosses his arms. “She chose you Jake. And you owe her an explanation.”

“The hell I do!” He is immediately ashamed of his words. They are all bravado and stem more from habit than truth. “She doesn’t really know me. None of you do. She’ll be better off without me. She can have the life she was always meant to.”

“Bullshit.” Sean says simply.

“Excuse me, Captain Cardboard?” Jake snarls.

Sean appears unaffected by the insult. “I said bullshit.” Jake opens his mouth to argue, but Sean cuts him off. “She does know you. She sees you as you really are and accepts you. And honestly, I think that scares the hell out of you.”

“You don’t know what you’re talking about,” Jake offers up lamely.

“Whatever, man. You’re acting like a coward,” Sean looks at him pointedly, “and I don’t believe for one second that you’ve ever been a coward in your life.”

They stand in tense silence for a moment, regarding each other with a mixture of mutual frustration and grudging respect. The quiet padding of bare feet on tile abruptly ends the stand off. Leah appears, slightly disheveled and blinking back sleep. She pauses to take in the scene, glancing back and forth between the two solemn men. The tension in the room is palpable.

“Jake? Sean?” She questions from around a yawn. “What are you both doing up?”

Sean nods in Leah’s direction. “I’ll let you two talk.” And after giving Jake a meaningful look, he slips out of the room.

Leah turns to regard him, and he is painfully aware that he looks as guilty as a man possibly can.

“What’s going on, Jake?” She asks, her gaze lingering on his traveling clothes and bag. “Please tell me you’re not sneaking out. Tell me that’s not what this is.”

He feels a lump begin to form in his throat. “You caught me, princess.” He shrugs, smiling weakly. “But it’s long overdue. Now that we got this mess cleared up, I have to see about some business. I’m headed back to Costa Rica just as soon as I can.” He pauses, fumbling over the words. “I’m really gonna miss you. Hell, even gonna miss the rest of the Scooby gang…”

Her face falls, disappointment warring with anger and heartbreak, and he instantly regrets the lightness of his tone. The false humor and cavalier attitude. Suddenly, all he wants to do is gather her up in his arms and apologize profusely for being an asshole.

“You were just going to leave without saying goodbye?” Her tone is more than simply wounded. It’s anguished. “Slip out in the middle of the night like this meant nothing to you?

He releases the breath he didn’t realize he was holding. “Leah–”

“I want you to answer me!” A storm flashes in her eyes. “Did I mean anything to you? Did this mean anything?” The pain in her voice is so raw it makes him flinch. He can’t bear to be the cause of it another moment, and so when he speaks, it is with slow, measured honesty.

“It meant everything to me.” He is so incredibly vulnerable right now. “You know that.”

“Then why?” She demands, and he can see the tears welling up in her eyes, deepening the hue, transforming them into glassy pools of brilliant blue. Those eyes that have captivated and haunted him from the moment they met.

Jake sighs raggedly, defeated. “Because I ain’t worth it, princess. Not your time, not your future. You have your whole life ahead of you, and there’s nothing I can offer you that can compete with it.” He smiles sadly at her. “College, your own Prince Charming, the house, the kids. The damn picket fence. You deserve all of it and more. And I can’t give it to you. I’m a wanted man. Hell, I’m a mess of a human being. I can’t give you what you want.”

She regards him silently through her tears, and then shakes her head. “How do you know what I want? You never even asked. You never gave me a choice in this.”

In that moment he feels like the coward he is. As much as he would like to claim that he’s being selfless, that he’s putting her needs first, a part of him has to admit that he has spent years perfecting the art of keeping everyone at arms length. Leaving them before they had the chance to hurt him. And he recognizes that deep down, he is scared as hell. Because he’s completely, helplessly in love with her and absolutely terrified he’ll mess it up. Terrified that one day she’ll see him for the loser he believes he is, and leave him high and dry. And alone again.

He drops his duffle bag and runs a hand over his face, unable to meet her eye. In an instant, she has crossed the floor and is standing less than a foot away from him. Close enough to touch, and man, does he long for nothing more than to touch her. But he remains still, stalled and unsure.

“I want you, Jake.” She says softly, and the sincerity of her words moves him to tears. He blinks hard to fight them off, but they burn and blur his vision.

Leah gently places both palms on his chest and leans her forehead against his, radiating empathy and forgiveness. “I want you, do you hear me? And that’s it. None of the other stuff matters.”

She is so damn good and he is in awe that anyone this kind, this loyal, could ever want to be with him. Could ever truly be his. She looks up at him, earnest, and he knows, down in his bones, that she means every word. Sean’s actually right about this one. She does know him, and she wants him anyway.

He envelopes her in a hug, crushing her to his chest, burying his face in her hair. “All right, princess,” he acknowledges after a long moment, kissing her temple. “You got me, for better or worse. For the long haul.”

She smiles up at him. “For the long haul,” she agrees.

He shakes his head wryly. “Fair warning, life with me ain’t easy. You don’t know what you’re getting yourself into.”

“I think I have a pretty good idea.” She tilts her chin toward him; an invitation. And one he gladly accepts. Taking her face in his hands, he kisses her deeply, tenderly.

“It’s still so early,” she says, nuzzling against his neck. “Come back to bed, and stay there this time.”

He has the good sense to look abashed. “Yes, ma'am. And I look forward to being able to make it up to you.”

“Good,” she smirks at him, reaching for his hand. “Because if you ever pull an idiot stunt like that again, I swear I will kick your ass, Jake McKenzie.”

He chuckles, kissing her knuckles. “And I’ll gladly take my beating, princess.”

She starts to lead him out of the room, but he stops her, his brow suddenly knitting in shame. “Leah… I’m sorry. I know messed up. I’m a damn fool. This,” he gestures feebly between the two of them, “this is all new for me.” He clears his throat, embarrassed. “And I, well, I just want you to know that you mean the world to me, and I don’t want you to ever forget that.”

“Hey,” she murmurs, wrapping her arms around his neck, “You’re stuck with me, hotshot. We’ll figure this out together.”

He pulls her close and fervently captures her lips with his, winding his fingers in her hair, kissing her earlobe, her neck. And before he can stop himself, the words come tumbling clumsily out of his mouth, unbidden and urgent.

“I love you, Leah,” he whispers into her hair. It catches them both off guard, and she pulls away, staring up at him. He blinks back at her, mouth ajar, cheeks burning.

“I, uh,” he stammers, suddenly painfully awkward and so unlike his smug, roguish self. “I didn’t mean to–”

Leah touches a hand to his cheek. “I love you too, Jake.”

He breaks out into a relieved smile that soon widens into his trademark cocky grin. He nods his approval. “Damn straight, princess.” Jake takes her hand, interlacing their fingers. “Come on now, let’s get you back to bed.”

Together, they exit the atrium. His duffle bag remains behind, abandoned. He doesn’t give it a second thought.