Apr 26
NEW TRICKS 1.01 (2004)
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NEW TRICKS 1.01 (2004)
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Jack--so civil, even when he’s about to murder you.
Teach old dogs new tricks? Ha! Good luck with that.
The guys enjoying a good insult.
The Hiring Scene
In which every single detective trope gets lampshaded.
“Before we start -- this new unit -- no blacks, obviously.” Our first prospective detective hire for UCOS, and our first Detective Trope: Bigot with a Badge.
That’s a definite no.
“No bloody idea at all.” Our second prospective hire for UCOS, and our second Detective Trope: Drunk Detective.
Sandra is watching her new unit go down in flames already.
“Police and Criminal Evidence Act? Mistake. I mean, being able to threaten, intimidate, and cause pain to a suspect are the chief weapons in a copper’s arsenal.” Our third prospective hire for UCOS, and our third Detective Trope: Dirty Cop who enjoys beating up suspects under his power.
The By-the-Book Cop and the Old-Fashioned Copper do not approve.
“Oh shite.” The Noodle-Incident Detective.
We still don’t know what this was about, but we blame Jack.
“I don’t take no bloody crap from no one.” Our fifth prospective hire for UCOS, and our fifth Detective Trope: Female Cop who wants to outdo the boys. A distaff version of the dirty cop trope.
Even Sandra is turned off by this.
It’s either the Welsh accent, or Jack looks a little taken aback.
Everyone’s smiling at our sixth prospective hire for UCOS, and our sixth Detective Trope: Dying on the Job. (I’m tempted to suggest this is a small pastiche to DCI Morse (who was so ably played by the late John Thaw).
That’s terrible technique, Jack. Good thing Sandra has an ambulance on the phone.
“Ex-DI Brian Lane, meet Sandra Pullman.”
Our seventh prospective hire for UCOS, and our seventh Detective Trope: Defective Detective. But it’s also Brian, and by the standards of everyone else who showed up, he looks like a good hire.
“Aaah, an ashtray.” Our eighth prospective hire for UCOS, and our eighth Detective Trope: Cowboy Cop. But it’s also Gerry, a thief-taker, and just like Brian, by the standards of everyone else who showed up, he looks like a good hire. Guess who Sandra picks?
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Me, talking to my professors.
“Ian Darby.”“Do you know him?” “Yeah. He’s dead.”
“Allen Evans.” “Dead.” “DI John Farrelly. Oh! I know John, he worked–” “Dead.” “But he only left last December.”
“Heart attack swimming in the sea off Malaga. Serves him right, the place is full of villains. 65% of CID officers are dead within 5 years of leaving the job.” [silence]
“Dead. Dead. As good as. Alive–but he bores for England. Retired, but currently under investigation by the CPS. Ditto the DTI. Dead. Alive, but don’t leave him alone with your kids. Retired sick – well – insane, really. Dead. Dead. Would be if I got hold of him. No–I think you’d better advertise.”
Wait, did you think they were talking about a police investigation? Or college?