#jaabjen

Pat seeking familiarity and connection with Put, and with pyramid scheme guy. Pat being drawn over and over to Jeng, and sharing details of his life, and still struggling with the reality of their positions, and how he can't let himself want Jeng. Pat's heart visibly breaking when he isn't able to get what he wants from Put, when the connection and comfort he wants and needs is unable to be freely given. Pat purposely leaving the pain of that realization to seek out Jeng, but unable to reach for him without getting drunk (and them both leaning into the excuse of inebriation to provide cover for the feelings they're leaking all over, and for touches that can be written off).

Put desperately reaching out for forgiveness, for reconciliation, for the connection and love that Pat offered him in the past, that he's held onto and is all twisted up with regret and longing and guilt and love. Put being forced into the closet, into having to hide his feelings for Pat-- for his career, instead of because of his own fear and uncertainty this time, but still wanting Pat so desperately.

Put being so afraid of discovery, of Chot knowing, of Jeng knowing, of his manager knowing, that it makes him walk away from drunk Pat, and have to leave him to Jeng to take care of.

Jeng, holding himself apart from his coworkers to maintain control of his image, and control in general. Holding himself back from Pat, when he realizes that he's his boss now, keeping physical barriers between them to avoid giving in to the urge to touch him, but unable to stop reaching out emotionally.

Jeng only being shown to regularly interact with his brother, and his restaurant partner (and his niece, but even his sister seems to be regularly absent from these interactions), and then with Pat and his friends, and the crew of the film, but only Jaab outside of work for several episodes. How playful he has let himself be with Pat versus the stern detachment of their first interactions. How awkward and distant he is with his parents, how so much of his kindness is done without witness (buying the baked goods, advocating for Pat with the clients, etc). *It was fascinating to see him take care of Pat with Chot right there*

Feelings about how Chot sees what's happening, and is trying to make sure Pat knows he's in Pat's corner, whatever happens (but still teasing, as besties are wont to do).

Feelings about Jen and Jaab, and how far apart they are this whole episode. About Jen reaching out, but Jaab pulling away, unwilling to be a consolation prize, and afraid to be hurt after loving Jen silently for so long. About how both of them are so obviously hurting, so obviously missing each other and their friendship, so obviously wanting.

Feelings about how the lines are shrinking and blurring so beautifully, even as all of them continue to tiptoe on them.

And don't get me started on my feelings about how Put goes on the defensive in the preview.