I want everything to feel safe and full of love. No fear, no worries about ruptures or inflamed internal organs. Just peace and quiet except for the trumpet-solo in front of the trombones, tuba, baritone horn, flügelhorn and the rest of the jazzband. I want good food and even greater company. I want music, art, literature, anything that makes the soul weep and flee its way from the void. I want to sit by a campfire and sing songs with long lost friends in the dark. I want to learn, I want to make mistakes all the time, so I'll learn how to correct them just in time for the new mistakes to appear before me. I want to feel the cyclic nature of life. I want to bleed every month, just for the hell of it. I want this life so badly. I want it so badly I'm willing to do anything just to experience another minute and fill it with all the useless thoughts my mind has to offer. There's no prestige in living. You don't really get anything out of it except the experience. I want to waste some time trying to buy some more time by doing mostly anything. I'd like to drink tea and stall the next thing. I want to chatter about useless things with my colleagues in the hallways. I want to experience every interlude and enjoy it tremendously. Taking the trash out and seeing a hungry fox a moonlit night at the late restaurant-shift. Cleaning the toilets as an act of service for the ones who are unable to. Finding small things in every aspect of this forced upon us existence that makes the seconds breathing worthwhile. I want all of that. But most of all I want to spend my life with the love I've found, live a life well spent with him and all of the important people surrounding us. I want to see a butterfly flying free.
