Nobody asked me, and I'm definitely not the image of the successful hypergamous life. But I've been in this part of the internet for long enough to have my opinions. I've also spent enough time around the kinds of people everyone online seems obsessed with to know that a lot of the advice being passed around is disconnected from reality.
One thing I've noticed is that a lot of the women in these circles—especially the whole Sprinkle Sprinkle, Wizard Liz, "divine femininity," and etiquette coach crowd—seem to believe that beauty is the only thing that matters. It's not. Men like attractive women, like sure. That's not exactly groundbreaking.
The thing these influencers never seem to acknowledge is that wealthy men usually know women from their own social circles. Those women were born into families with money and good names. They went to the right boarding schools and universities. They grew up skiing, sailing, riding horses, playing tennis or golf, spending summers in the same places, joining the same clubs, and meeting the same families year after year. They know how those circles work because they've always been part of them. They're also attractive. And because they have access to more money, more connections, and more opportunities than the average woman, they can usually present themselves just as well, if not better.
I also think the provider conversation online has become a bit detached from reality. Some people act like men should just hand over money because a woman is beautiful and feminine. If a man is spending a substantial amount of his income on someone, it's because he feels like he's getting something valuable out of the relationship. I'm not saying relationships are business deals or that women need to "earn" respect. That's not what I mean.
If a man believes in providing because he has traditional values, he probably expects his partner to contribute in ways that fit those same values. That doesn't necessarily mean becoming a tradwife or giving up your career, but it does mean bringing something to the relationship besides looking nice.
Whether the relationship is traditional, egalitarian, or somewhere in between, both people generally feel they're receiving something valuable. That value might be emotional support, companionship, competent household management, parenting, shared ambitions, intellectual partnership, social ease, sexual intimacy, or simply making each other's lives happier and more stable.
That's different from reducing relationships to transactions, but it does acknowledge that people don't usually make major sacrifices (including financial ones) without believing the relationship enriches their lives.
That's just how partnerships work.
Personally, I have a very specific taste in men and a very specific idea of the kind of marriage I'd like to have. I also know that the type of man I'm talking about is rare. He has options, and many of those options would involve women who already fit naturally into his world. If I really wanted to get into a provider relationship, I could probably reshape my life around getting into specific circles. I could make different choices, meet different people, and probably end up in some kind of arrangement that came with money and interesting experiences. But because I, like most women that listen to SheraSeven, do not come from any real prividlee, any real money, and with any real connections, I would have to offer something I don't really want to give up, and life a relationship that is more transactional than I am conformtable with.
And because of that, I don't pretend that I'm automatically entitled to the kind of husband those circles produce.Ironically, the best advice I've found still comes from Ginie Sayles, even though her books are pretty dated now, they are the basis for all of hypergamyblr. (and also the sugar babbies that abandonned us in 2021)
Proximity is king, and charm does the rest. If you want to marry into a certain social circle, you have to actually be part of it. You have to be somewhere you'll naturally meet those people, become familiar, and eventually be welcomed. Once you're there, your appearance and personality matter. Before that, you're mostly just hoping for an exception. That's probably less exciting than being told that expensive perfume and "feminine energy" will solve everything and endless make up tutorials and little black dresses but it's reality. But it's a lot closer to how people actually meet and marry.
I'm going to an elite school in a great program; I'm an active member in nearly all major artistic organizations in my city; the people there know me and like me; I've been slowly developping a realy great network of some amazing people who've been willing to offer me amazing opportunities; I have a rich inner life with plenty of skills, everyday I become more disciplined, I've never looked better in my life and hope to look better and better everyday; and none of those things guarantee me a good marriage with a rich man. What it does guarantee is a life that's interesting, fulfilling, and full of opportunities. It gives me access to rooms I wouldn't otherwise be in, introduces me to people I never would have met, and makes my life better regardless of who I end up marrying or being in a relationship . And that's really, truly, the only goal.
