#iubat

Student: (raises hand) Excuse me, ma'am!

Me: (walks to student's desk)

Student: I don't understand this question.

Me: (looks at the question) What's the problem?

Student: Ma'am, I want to know, is this the right answer?

Me: (trying not to laugh uncontrollably) I don't know, you tell me.

IUBAT stands for the International University of Business, Agriculture and Technology, and it is the university where I am a visiting member of faculty at the College of Nursing. I want to go on and tell you about my life here so far, my students (who are terrific), and what it feels like to be teaching, but first, I need to make something clear.

Prior to leaving Toronto, I received a lot of commendations for work that I hadn't yet done. It seemed that people were commending me for donating my time to an organization in a sustainable and necessary way, that I was being generous with my time and effort, that I would be helping people help themselves out of poverty, or whatever else people imagine the developing world to be. A lot of people asked me that night at the Granite brewery (one of my last nights at home, a week ago and a world away) why I wanted to come here and I haven't been able to adequately answer the question. So, if you'll allow...

My motives for coming here are almost entirely selfish. I fell into a place in my life where I was bored with all the options and didn't like where I was going. I wanted (not needed) to see something different, to feel something different about my life and about the work that I was doing. I have come here to learn more about myself and expose myself to a culture that's strange to me. I've come here to challenge myself to do a job that might not always be easy, just to see if I could do it. I've come here looking for direction in my life. Teaching in a nursing degree program halfway around the world just happens to be along the way.

It's a bit of a cold way to look at things, but I've always been blunt. I do believe that nearly anyone who does any kind of volunteering or works in "international development" will understand where I'm coming from, if they can be honest with themselves. Are you really so altruistic? Doesn't being called altruistic sound like something desirable? It's certainly preferable to being described as selfish if you're being characterized. Do you just want to avoid being called selfish? Why is selfishness considered a bad thing if it's not to the extreme?