#itwitch

Whoops, everything is awful!

Great series finale right? Billy Broadview (Me) got his dream job and flew off into the sunset. An oversized storybook slowly closed and we faded to credits, which I would like to imagine rolled over a punkrock cover of ‘Do You Believe in Magic’.

News Update: 2020 happened!

Turns out, crafting a sufficiently powerful and precise magical solution to a unique unknown pathogen takes roughly the same amount of time and resources as the muggles and their nomaj medical science. It is literally anyone's guess who will get there first at this rate. We learned early on that Pepperup isn’t enough, and are quickly learning that this is what happens when your entire healthcare system revolves around a single potion from the 12th century.

In addition to that, not to be outdone by the muggle governing bodies, a spectacular mishandling of the entire pandemic by The Ministry of Magic has left all of us at varying degrees of screwed.

Which brings us to the other big news. The story that has everybody losing their minds. The tabloid meltdown of the century.

Hogwarts did not open.

There was speculation when The Prophet News Podcast leaked it all the way back in August, but for once they actually had the story correct.

The big day was postponed a week. Then two. Now we are an entire month past our normal opening day. Classes have finally resumed, but are now being conducted entirely through Floom webcam meetings. This decision was in no part related to the fact that I created that service, and is certainly not an attempt on my part to force clients onto my latest startup.

There. All caught up? Awesome. Basically this entire semester is reliant on our jobs. IT Department working alone with only professors and those same old familiar creepy (and now entirely empty) hallways.

Regardless, if I have to suffer- I'm going to at least get some internet points for it. Buckle up ladies, gentlemen, and friends beyond the binary. Just when you thought 2020 couldn’t get any worse-

-We're Back!

E♥VC

Two last names, still me all the same!

October is upon us. Allow me to set the scene. The sun had set hours prior. I alone wondered the ancient looming halls of the now silent and barren castle. A crisp and chilly breeze, distinctly forged from within the distant heart of autumn herself, crept between the soaring columns of the castle, periodically passing through the lone obstacle that was my presence whilst headed towards destinations unknown. Only myself, and the void which extended beyond the reach of my wand’s softly humming glow.

Then, a sound. Subtle but most certainly real. The shuffling of clothing perhaps? Maybe nothing more than the fluttering of curtains left to dance overnight upon an open window? No. That couldn’t be? It was certainly growing louder, distinctly traversing somewhere within the halls ahead of me, behind me? In a panic I could not tell with accuracy which direction claimed its intended path.

I quickly extinguished the spell from my wand and moved my figure flush against the wall beside me. The protruding supports of a masoned archway served as best it could, shielding my frame from view along the empty walkway.

Then, from the very wall behind me, I heard a chuckle. The deep and droning bellows of man not yet seen.

I shifted back to the floor, pivoting to greet whatever horrors which awaited me.

With a soft self illuminated flicker of form, a shape emerged. From within the solid rock structure of the wall itself, the grotesque visage of a gaunt and dismembered head peered forth. Forward still a boney hand followed, clutched down through clumps of his once blood-matted  wispy white hair.

And let me tell you, in that moment all I could think was-

WHAT A RELIEF!

It was my good post-mortal friend Patrick. I can’t begin to explain how refreshing it is to see a ghost again! Social interaction isn’t exactly the same anymore, but with my ghost friends I have no reason to wear my mask or stay 6 feet apart. For anybody interested he is doing well, and only recently started binging ‘Umbrella Academy’. So avoid spoilers around him, he is only 3 episodes into season 1.

Moral of the story, in these troubling times look at the positives. Like ghosts!.

E♥VC

Side hustle alert!

Most of us seem to agree that this entire year is some sort of metaphysical case study of the exact chemical processes one finds within a dumpster fire. But still, alternatively, it has also opened up a handful of interesting new revenue streams.

We’re calling the service “OnlyHams” and we are 100% prepared and excited for all the media attention that the obvious resulting lawsuit will bring.

Basically the the low price of 2ʛ a month you have unlimited access to a bunch of photos of Johnathan’s pet pig Mr. Snoots being adorable. Mostly just him sleeping or eating. He doesn’t do much else. 

If you’re willing to pay a little extra we might even put little rain boots on him.

Unlike my boss, I know exactly where to begin. The same place he did. Hello, my name is Billy Broadview, and as of today I am officially a member of the IT Department at Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry.

You read that correctly, and presuming you’ve followed us from the begining you already know exactly what that entails. Myself, Jonathan Dart, and Emily Vargo are the front line for all things technical at Hogwarts. Be that WiFi trouble, acceptance emails, teaching ancient Professors how to format a Word document, or outhacking a Wizard with a grudge from a Nintendo 3DS (you’re welcome).

But all of that chaos aside, I’d like to think that our real job is keeping Witches and Wizards such as myself a little more grounded in reality through logic, humor, and compassion. And, while I’ve given him more headaches than I can count over the last 3 years, I can say without question that my mentor Jonathan has done that job better than anybody else ever could have. For that, we thank you sir.

As for me, it’s day one and I already know exactly what my first project will be. An app that updates house points in real time for students. All I need is Adalina’s permission to bend The Misuse of Muggle Artefacts Office’s Article 38 and hook an electric scale to the hourglasses. Shouldn’t be too hard, I’m friends with her fiancee.

But I digress, I have to get to work- and considering most of you have probably been reading this blog at your office desk while nobody is looking, I’ll assume you do too.

For the final time, this is your in-house magical information technology guy, a Setup Wizard of sorts, signing out.

10,000 IT points for everybody

JD-

Hey everybody. I’ve been talking with some personal friends lately about the blog, including Emily and Jess, and have come to a decision. 

So many blogs online just stop one day, out of the blue, and then never update again. No explanation, no resolution, just gone. On multiple occasions I’m sure my readers have thought that was the case with us, due to my tendency to disappear for the odd couple months here and there.

So all of us together have decided to do the right thing and properly wrap up, giving TSW the sendout it deserves. This isn’t effective immediately though, as that would be pretty cruel. So starting next week we’ll be updating daily again, like the good old days, to bring us to our final update on Sunday the 16, exactly 3 years and 15 days after my original post.

One last trip on the the IT Train. Em?

E♥V

E♥V

Had a really fun date today with Adalina. Let’s see, we got coffee, lunch, had a walk in the park. Was really relaxing but I feel like I’m forgetting something. We fed some ducks but that’s not it. What was it again OH YEAH-

WE’RE GETTING MARRIED!!!!!!!

AHHHHH I’M ENGAGED HOLY SHIT YES! AKJFLKEJFLEKJBFLWJKEF Erm, I mean well isn’t that amazing?

So I know you’re wondering who popped the question? So are we! Because we kind of both did, like almost at the exact same time. Ok to be fair Addy beat my by like 4 seconds. The moment was perfect and I reached into my pocket to pull out the ring and my hand got stuck, and by the time I got it back out she was already holding another ring of her own.

E♥V

I just witnessed a power I never thought to consider before. A father in Hogsmeade yelled out his daughters full name in a crowd, including TWO middle names. Clearly that girl is in some series trouble!

But seriously, the extra middle name really added to it, like that’s a card they put in their back pocket on the day she was born just for situations like this.