#itsbuckysworld

Christmas was a magical season. People had pine trees that glistened with twinkling lights and glittering tinsel. Stores decked themselves out in reds, greens, and silvers as they urged you to purchase the perfect gift for your someone special at their location. Radios buzzed with holiday carols in hopes of making listeners dream of snowy pastures and hot cocoa snuggles by the fire.

Indeed, Christmas was supposed to be a magical season. But for Y/N, this particular Christmas had lost all its enchanting luster. That’s because her longtime boyfriend, Sergeant James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes, wouldn’t be home this Christmas...thanks to a giant purple space freak.

As the year slipped further into the holiday season, Y/N became more and more irritable. As much as she tried to hide it, she couldn’t conceal much from her and Bucky’s best friend, Steve Rogers.

Y/N was sprawled out across one of the common room couches, her thumb constantly flipping through channels on the enormous flat screen television. News channels were covering how people were handling the holidays with half the population missing. Freeform was showing nothing but holiday movies, and she couldn’t even look at the root-your-teeth-out romantic crap Hallmark was airing. A snarl ripped from her throat as she turned the TV off, whipping the remote in a nearby armchair before draping an arm over cerulean eyes.

“I take it there’s nothing on?”

The voice from behind the couch made her rip her arm away to stare into concerned baby blues hovering over her. She sighed and shook her head. “Not a damn thing. Everything is either rubbing salt in the wound from the decimation or it’s sappy romantic bullshit.”

Steve cocked his head to the side, his brow furrowing. “The Y/N I know is a sucker for that sappy romantic stuff.”

She growled again before pushing herself off the leather couch and onto the floor to pace. “That was before Thanos disintegrated the people I love, those I care about.” Her hands reached up to rake through her shoulder-length blonde hair. She walked a few feet before slowly rotating on her heel, eyes now red and threatening to overflow with the tears that sat on the edges of them. “Stevie…” she whispered, “I...I can’t be here for the holidays. Not this year.”

Sadness and understanding flooded his face. In the months since Thanos’ snap, he knew Y/N was having a difficult time. When she wasn’t at a training session, she was holed up in her room with a movie or a book, trying to lose herself in any world that wasn’t crashing around her. Prior to then, she was the bubbly, cheery one that made everyone get involved in whatever activity she was doing, especially when they went into hiding. His chest heaved in a heavy sigh. “If you can’t be here, where will you go?”

She rolled her shoulders in a weak shrug. “My parents’ place, maybe? Just for a couple weeks until the holiday season is behind me. I just can’t stay...here.”

“I get it,” Steve murmured, advancing towards her. “You’re one of my closest friends, Y/N. As much as I want to be selfish and keep you around, that’s not fair to you. Being here is going to remind you of him too much. You should go home. You need a break. Just...promise me one thing, won’t you?”

“Anything.”

A tiny smile formed over his lips, but the worry was still evident in his face. Worry that if she went home she’d never come back unless Bucky was found...if he could be found. “Promise me that you’ll come back?”

Y/N choked out a laugh and soft sob as she jumped to wrap her arms around Steve (as much as she could anyway). She buried her head against his chest. “You’re such a punk, Steve. I’m going to come back after the holidays, I promise.”

“Good,” he breathed, swooping down to give her a ginger peck on the head. “Because I don’t know what I’d do if I lost you, too.”

Steve’s words echoed in Y/N’s ears as she packed her suitcase to head to her parents’ place. For a while, she couldn’t help the pang of guilt that riddled her stomach. Steve was hurting too, everyone was, and Christmas was supposed to be a season of togetherness. She wasn’t really embracing the “togetherness” spirit by taking off.

Then again, how could she be “together” if a piece of her heart was missing? Her mind trailed to a tall man with long tendrils of dark chocolate with piercing eyes that could kill a man if he wanted...or cut her to her core as he often did. She thought about the first time she met Bucky, when Steve had contacted her for intel while he was on the run after the Sokovia Accords situation. That smolder of his as his eyes traced her up and down triggered a fire inside her, one she couldn’t quell without being around him. A few flirtatious meetings later, and he finally had the cajones to ask her on a proper date. When he and the rest of Team Cap had to go underground, there was no question about it. She went with them more than willingly. Even though the conditions weren’t always the best and they were always looking over their shoulders, she and Bucky made the best of everything...because they found each other.

That night, she dreamed of her former Hydra super soldier. She dreamed about their first Christmas together, when she found this beautiful fern someone was throwing out on the side of the road and brought it back to the run-down motel they were in. Her hands were immediately busy with her sketchbook, drawing little trees and holiday ornaments. Quickly, she worked to carefully rip around the edges of her scribbles, leaving ample room at the top for her to tear a hole in them in order to hang. When Bucky came back that night, he was taken aback at the makeshift Christmas tree, but then immediately peppered Y/N with kisses to show his appreciation.

She couldn’t help but replay the dream during the tedious drive to her parent’s place. It sprinkled in between thoughts of Steve and the bear hug they shared before she got in the car. He checked her oil and tire pressure for her before she left, and she gave him the address she’d be at on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day, in case he needed a break too.

After quite the trek, the vehicle roared up to the roadside curb in front of her parents’ place. Her eyes fixated on her childhood home, where a dark figure stood on the top step of the wooden porch. Though dusk was approaching, she could tell by the broad shoulders that it was her father.

There was a huge wolf-like creature resting on his haunches next to her father, and the sight of the dog made Y/N’s eyes brighten. Instantly, she clamored out of the car and ran to the other side, arms flying open. “Apollo! C’mere, baby!”

Her father dropped Apollo’s leash, and this husky came barreling at the woman. He slowed upon approach so as not to knock her over, but his whole body wagged in excitement at seeing his owner after so long. He licked a stripe up her cheek as her fingers ruffled his fur. “Who’s a good boy?” she cooed. “Apollo’s my good boy!”

After a moment, she rose to her feet and started up to the home while her dad stepped down to the sidewalk. As soon as she reached him, he took her in his arms and gave her a tight squeeze. “My baby, Y/N. I’ve missed you,” he whispered against her hair, his voice breaking.

Y/N swallowed thickly, trying not to lose her composure as well. “I...I missed you too, Dad.”

The two pulled apart after holding each other a while, her dad instantly reaching up to collect the tears at the sides of his eyes. “I’m...I’m glad you decided to come home for the holidays this year. This was going to be a hard year without you or your mother…”

The lump was even harder in Y/N’s throat. She wasn’t the only one to lose the love of her life. Her parents had been out antiquing when the snap happened, and her mother turned to ash in front of her father just as Bucky had. It was another reason why she wanted to go home for the holidays. Her dad needed her more than Steve and the others did. “I’m sorry, Dad. The team...you know, they’re all racking their brains to come up with a solution.”

“If there even is one.”

There was a lingering silence between the two of them before her father shook his head and clapped a hand on her back, pushing her toward the door. “C’mon, kiddo. Enough sadness. Let’s just enjoy each other’s company and get the holidays started right, huh?”

The first few days Y/N spent with her father were great. She really couldn’t complain. They both understood how the other felt about the holiday season right then, and they tried to veer away from doing anything too holiday-oriented. They watched action movies or old westerns while snacking on chips, and took Apollo out for strolls around the neighborhood. Their idea of a Christmas tree this year was one of those ceramic trees with little pegs that lit up. That was all the festive they were getting.

That was, until Christmas Eve came around. Y/N’s aunt invited them over for a Christmas Eve party, and her dad was all gung-ho and ready to go. Y/N...not so much. Christmas Day was special, sure. Christmas Eve, however, was always the most fun with Bucky.

“I don’t really feel like going to [Y/A/N]’s tonight, Dad,” she murmured, curled up on their couch with Apollo on the opposite end. “It’s going to be a lot of Christmas trees and cookies and holiday carols and it’s just...it’s going to be too hard.”

[Y/D/N] cocked an eyebrow from his recliner toward his daughter. “But you love going over there! It’s Aunt [A/N] we’re talking about here! Doesn’t she always slip you $10?”

Her fingers fiddled with the fur by Apollo’s collar idly. “I do love her, Dad, but this has nothing to do with that. Christmas Eve was always special with Bucky. We had our own traditions that we started together and I don’t get to do that this year.”

“Y/N, look at me.”

She raised her eyes to meet her father’s.

“You know, neither your mother nor this Bucky fellow would want us to sit here and mourn during what’s supposed to be a happy time. I won’t force you to go...but I’m going because your mother would kick my ass if I sat here and moped around. Promise me you won’t do the same.”

She sighed and scooped Apollo’s head from her legs, moving them before placing him back on the cushion. “I’m not. I’m going out, too.”

In typical father fashion, she was met with a gruff, “Where to?”

Her shoulders rolled in a shrug as she grabbed her jacket, purse and keys. “Out. Around town. Crazy. I don’t really know, Dad. It’s just wherever the road takes me.” As she was getting ready, she caught a glimpse of his features twisted in worry. Her cerulean orbs rolled as she gave him a quick peck on the cheek. “I work with the Avengers, for crying out loud, Dad. I’ll be safe, I promise.”

He grumbled a bit before giving her a small nod. “You’re right. Just be careful and have your butt back in this house by 11 o’clock. Santa starts his rounds at midnight, you know.”

She couldn’t help but snort at the sentiment as she stepped through the door. “Love you, Dad!”

Y/N drove around town for a while, weaving through the streets and losing herself in her thoughts. She thought about the Christmas Eve traditions she started with Bucky, how goofy they were but they had meant the world to her...and to him as well it seemed. She went out every year and would buy them a new set of Christmas pajamas to wear, one small game each, a mug, a snack and a pack of hot cocoa and wrap those items up in a box for them to open on Christmas Eve. The year prior, she bought him a green light-up onesie that said “fa-la-la-llama” and had a big wool llama on it. Though he grumbled and griped, he snatched it from her hands when she went to take it back and wore it with pride, even if Steve and Natasha both keeled over cackling at him.

She couldn’t help but smile at the memory as she turned onto a road that led outside the town and into the countryside. As she raced past the lines of oaks and maples, she thought about taking Bucky back there, showing him where she grew up. She envisioned taking Apollo for a walk in the forest until they came to a clearing, where Bucky would have laid out this little picnic (complete with snacks for the pupper). They would devour the food while savoring each other’s presence and the majestic scenery before he’d twist to her and take her hand, opening a small square velvet box…

If they ever saw Thanos again, she’d do what Thor didn’t and aim right for his bulbous head.

Bright neon lights flashed “Late Night Dine Right” up ahead, breaking her from her rage momentarily. Her gut let out a deep growl, and she realized she hadn’t eaten much all day. A diner burger did sound really good just then.

Once she had the car safely parked in their gravel parking lot, she sauntered in and was immediately transported back to the 1950s. They really made the place look like a classic diner. The floor was coated in white and black checkered linoleum. The candy-apple-red booths and barstools were leather, puffed up to look extra inviting and comfortable. The tabletops were solid, white with a few scuff marks from the millions of plates they probably saw slide across them. In one corner of the room was an old-time jukebox, radiating red, orange and yellow neon while it crooned Bing Crosby’s “White Christmas.” She couldn’t help but snort slightly. Bucky would have loved the place.

“Go ahead and make yourself at home, sweet pea! I’ll be right with you!”

The silvery voice broke Y/N away from her appreciation of the scene in front of her and onto the woman behind the counter. The woman looked to be in her 50s or 60s. Her curly red hair was pinned up in a Lucille Ball style, her lips painted fire engine red. The dress she donned was a Tiffany blue with a white waist apron. Y/N reached her own arm and gave it a slight pinch. No, this wasn’t some oddly specific facet of her imagination. This was the real world.

Shrugging her jacket off, she followed the waitress’s orders and slid into a booth right by the door, facing across from the jukebox. Menus were resting right on the table, so she grabbed one to peruse. Chicken parmesan, eggs benedict, t-bone steak with hash browns...everything sounded so good. Before she got the most extravagant thing, though, she wanted to try a hamburger. You could usually tell how good the rest of the food was at a place if their burgers were up to snuff. Just as she was placing the menu back in its holder, the waitress appeared by her table.

“Hi there, sweet pea. I’m Miss Georgia and I’m going to be your waitress this evening. What can I get you to drink?”

Up close, she could see that Georgia had dark circles under her eyes, no doubt from busting her rear working at a 24/7 diner on Christmas Eve. Suddenly, Y/N felt very sheepish and very guilty.

“I’m sorry, Georgia. I didn’t even think. I shouldn’t be making you work extra on Christmas Eve.”

Georgia offered her a genuine smile. “Oh honey. I’d be working my tail off whether you were here or not. You seem like a sweetheart and aren’t gonna cause me any problems, unlike half the drunk clientele I get in here. Now, what can I get ya?”

Y/N gave the woman a warm grin. “Water with lemon, please.”

“‘Water with lemon,’” Georgia repeated, scribbling the drink order in her notepad. “And judging by how you put that menu back, I’m guessing you’re ready to order. What would you like?”

“I’d like a double cheeseburger please, with cheddar if you have it, and a side of seasoned fries.”

Georgia’s fingers scribbled the order quickly and she gave Y/N another wide smirk. “A woman who knows exactly what she wants and isn’t afraid to go after it. Sweet pea, I like you. Order’s coming right up, okay?”

“Thank you!” Y/N called as she took the order back to the kitchen. She waited a moment before digging in her purse and retrieving her sketchbook and pencil case, spreading the materials out on the table in front of her. She opened the book to a random page, and a gasp escaped her lips.

Inside the random page she chose was a picture she had tucked away. A tall man with long, dark chocolate tendrils was staring straight out of the photo and into her heart, it felt like. His cocky smirk made her heart race, her breath stop. She was the one who took the photo during one of their first dates at a Romanian cafe, and she had completely forgot about it. Tears stung her eyes.

She was so focused on her find that she didn’t even notice Georgia’s return until the water was placed in front of her. “Oh my, what a little cutie! Is that your boyfriend?”

Y/N could do nothing but swallow and nod.

“You got yourself quite a catch! He looks so handsome and mysterious. Almost reminds me of someone my grandmother once dated actually. She took a picture with him at Coney Island. Huh. Maybe a distant relative.” Georgia stopped momentarily, her head craning to get into your line of vision. “Sweet pea, it’s Christmas Eve! There’s no crying on Christmas Eve!”

Y/N sniffled and wiped at her eyes. “S-Sorry. It’s just...Christmas was one of our favorite seasons together.”

Georgia offered a sympathetic nod. “My Henry was like that as well. This is...this is my first season without him actually. That’s why I’ve buried myself in shifts here. One day, I was cooking in our kitchen and he was in the living room. I heard him call for me, and I caught the tail end of him turning into ash right in front of my eyes.”

Y/N looked up at the woman, whose jungle green eyes were glistening with tears. “Oh, Miss Georgia. I’m so sorry. That’s...I lost Bucky that way, too.”

There was a sigh from the waitress. “Well...they say that the Avengers are actively working on a solution, if there even is one. If they had been around prior to all this happening, maybe it wouldn’t even be a problem.”

Y/N wanted to leap to the defense of her team, but Georgia was suffering just as much as she was, and in times of crisis, people looked for someone to blame even if they didn’t deserve that blame. If...when they found a solution to what happened, a reversal, maybe then people wouldn’t be so harsh on the team.

“I’ll be home for Christmas…”

Georgia snarled from the tableside. “Now, how rude is that? That damn jukebox is playing on our misery! Huh uh. No way.” She stomped over to the jukebox and jammed her fingers against the screen, instantly changing discs. Rotating on her heel, she turned her attention to Y/N. “I’m gonna make a sign. No one is allowed to play that song when either one of us is here.”

Y/N couldn’t help but giggle. Oh, she liked Georgia. She was sweet and friendly but also feisty. “Oh, Miss Georgia,” Y/N chuckled. “I propose a new Christmas tradition! I’ll come back here every Christmas Eve as long as you’re working.”

Georgia stopped as she traipsed behind the counter. A smile played at her lips before she turned her full focus back to Y/N, green eyes alight. “Well now, sweet pea...I’d think I’d like that.”

For four consecutive years, Y/N kept her promise to Georgia. Every holiday season kept getting easier and easier, thanks to their little tradition. It was an added bonus that the food was spectacular...and she got to visit her dad and Apollo.

It was going on the fifth year when things got a little rocky, particularly with Steve. When he caught wind of Y/N’s request for her usual two weeks off, he instantly barged into her suite at the compound.

“Y/N, please tell me you’re not going back there this year” he pleaded.

Y/N was sprawled out on her bed with her Kindle in her hand, and she cocked an eyebrow at the way he approached her. “Excuse me? Stevie, you know I go every year. You’ve never had a problem before. What gives?”

He started pacing at the front of her bed, muscular hands running through his dirty blonde locks. “Y/N, you know we’re just so, so close to fixing this thing. With Scott and Tony actively working with that time contraption of theirs, I think we might finally be on the brink of a possible solution...a possible reversal.”

Y/N sighed heavily and put the tablet aside before rising to her feet to join the super soldier. “Steve...Tony and Scott have been working on that thing all year. That I know of, they aren’t any closer to reversing anything or bringing anyone back than we were last year. I don’t want to break a tradition on a possibility and not a certainty.”

The kid from Brooklyn worried his lower lip with his teeth. “I just...if we are able to reverse this or get them back...I want you to be the first person Buck sees if we can get him back by Christmas.”

Y/N had dreamed several times about being back in Bucky’s arms in the five years since the decimation. Her body ached for it, yearned for him. But other people felt the same way. Her father felt that way for her mother, Georgia for Henry. And the whole situation was still a big “if.” Tony and Scott had made some headway, but who knew if it was enough to bring Bucky back? Going to [Y/Hometown/N] was a certainty. Being there for her father and Georgia was absolution.

She reached up and caressed Steve’s face gingerly. “That’s a sweet thought, Stevie...and I do want to be the first person he sees. But you know how being there for my dad and Georgia have helped them heal...helped me heal. I have to go. You know how to reach me. If there’s any development, call me and I’ll race right down.”

Steve gave a nod of understanding, but Y/N could see the pain in his eyes. He really wanted her to be there when Bucky came back...if Bucky came back. “Just be safe okay, and promise you will race right down if I call?”

“What, you don’t think I would any other time?” she teased, poking him in the ribs. “Stevie, I will. I just have to do this, for me, Dad, and Miss Georgia.”

“Just be careful,Y/N. And Merry Christmas early.”

“Merry Christmas, Steve.”

No one could ever say that Y/N wasn’t true to her word. Christmas Eve, she strolled right in to the Late Night Dine Right diner, clad in a bright green knit sweater with a plush puppy protruding out of it that barked when its nose was poked. Georgia was behind the counter pouring coffee for a patron, but she gave Y/N a wide grin and waved. “Have a seat, sweet pea! I’ll have Marcus start your burger!”

“Thanks, Miss Georgia!” Y/N called, spreading out her art supplies in front of her much like she had that first night half a decade ago. She flipped the pages until she got to a sketch she was working on, the jukebox that was perched in the corner of the diner. Her eyes flicked up to get a good look at the jukebox, and she couldn’t help but guffaw at the giant “NO ‘I’LL BE HOME FOR CHRISTMAS’” sign.

Georgia set down a glass of water in front of her and smirked. “Ain’t had anyone try to be slick yet!”

“You’d set them straight anyway, Miss Georgia. I know you.”

The red head just laughed as she strode back behind the counter.

Y/N focused back on her sketch. The outside of the jukebox was easy because it was so large. The intricacies of the buttons and all the other details? That was another task entirely. She lost herself in the crisscross pattern of the speaker portion, making sure each hash mark was perfectly aligned and looked meticulous. It wasn’t until she paused that she heard the beginning of that song that had been banned for that day and that day only.

“I’ll be home for Christmas. You can count on me.”

Y/N’s head snapped up, her blue eyes glaring daggers into the head of the long-haired straggler looming over the jukebox. “Hey, asshole!” she hissed, rising from her seat. “Can’t you fucking read? The sign specifically says-”

Before she could continue her tirade, the stranger rotated on his heel. His lips curled up into a cocky, arrogant smirk at the woman who was chastising him just seconds before. His piercing caramel eyes made her breath hitch and her heart stop.

“Oh my god,” she breathed out incredulously. She almost couldn’t believe who was standing in front of her. Yet there he stood, in all of his super soldier glory. “Bucky?”