#itsamistake

Today's #vinylcollection selection. This album came out when I was the middle childs age. One of my favorite bands. Love @colinhay such an awesome voice. #menatwork #overkill #itsamistake #cargo #menatworkcargo https://www.instagram.com/p/CA_bDJXBzp3/?igshid=nk37bhqd6tko

yes it was just a dream.

#itsamistake #manatwork https://open.spotify.com/track/1ArdfXwdvwzapms9p1wxEb (presso Calabria)

Snapchat is bad for me #snäpchat #smiley #itsamistake #whathassciencedone

Bout thirty minutes in 30 minutes Since I saw it I cracked open the crown n the pills I'm trashed I feel like throwing up I know I'm sick all these feelings I'm bout to spill Raquel I was scared Just like for you it was hard to trust or send nudes well love for me was a bit more rare I WAS FUCKING SCARED Being who I am or who I was I could've never admitted cuz I never had the luxury to be scared or worried in my life In every aspect for me there was no room for weakness cuz I was never safe and I always was forced to be strong even if it was fake So when you gave me something so new SO FUCKING NEW like love I'm going to be slow to react I WAS FUCKING SCARED SCARED because I've never felt safe enough to feel anything else besides indifferent But you somehow got me to feel safe Safe enough to show you the real me You you knew the Orlando that no one else in this world knewNOT A SINGLE OTHER PERSON IN THIS WORLD KNEW ME LIKE YOU DID THATS WHY I WANTED TO SAVE THE LETTERS FOR OUR ONE YEAR CUZ ONE YEAR WAS HUGE FOR ME before you my longest relationship was 4.5 months I never felt safe with anyone to let them in But I knew I could last with you BECAUSE YOU WERE DIFFERENT I knew I would see a year with you because I loved you n you loved me SO i wanted to give you something as special or something that would be special to you Just as special as what you gave me which was the gift of FEELING SAFE, HAPPY, LOVED, and the gift to enjoy and live my life So IM FUCKING SORRY FOR BEING SCARED IM SORRY FOR SHOWING LOVE TOO LATE BUT I WAS SO FUCKING SCARED 😪

I've written three letters n scrapped them all because they were either soaked in tears or I just didn't like what I wrote I cannot find the words to tell myself that this is over This fight I'm having with myself is legit killing me Because my brain has such a weak argument n can only find evidence to support my hearts intentions Which are to never stop loving you I just can't do this man I used to be so cold and "strong" But now I cannot seem to find the strength to let go I can't let go of you because In my entire miserable existence You are the only thing that makes me happy I'm crying n can't seem to stop 😢 I'm dying here man Please keep me in your heart

So today at like 12 I sat in my car during lunch I sat there wondering what her reaction would be today when she got the flowers... So I closed my eyes And I drifted into a dream It was like 5 years into the future I was on my way out the army stationed in Germany fixin to come home I get a call It's MRS. Lopez She's calling because idk why but she thought it'd be nice to invite me to Raquel's wedding Maybe she just thought that it would set me free to see her happy So I come home I go to the wedding I'm there at the parents table conversing with mrs Lopez Until I get tapped and I hear "why are you here" I turn and it's her The love of my life Raquel in a white dress Looking as beautiful as ever standing next to her husband I just smiled with a tear on the edge of my eye And said "I'm here to celebrate this momentum occasion and to congratulate on your happiness and now that I've done that I'll leave..... Congratulations" Then I walk out I start up my el camino I break down one last time seeing her walk up to my car in my rear view mirror She yelled wait I'm coming with you I didn't hear her tho because I peeled out But blind with tears in my eyes I'm hitting the gas I yelled "I never stopped loving you" And I crash... I woke up with red eyes It was 13:57 I was an hour late back from lunch All I could say was sorry Raquel

It was a lot harder for you than it was for me Because I just had to fight you But you were fighting me, yourself, and the universe just to be stubborn and say no to continue to the tears And to say no to the happiness