#itsallpractice

When you’re in a Yoga class, often the teacher will ask you to set an Intention as the practice begins. I like to remind students that an Intention is something simple. One, maybe three words. And an Intention should pop up quickly. If you have to go digging around in the back corners of your mind to find an Intention, just use the words: I Don’t Know.

Honestly, I don’t know if anyone ever takes my advice...but I do know that most people don’t like to say those three little words. Most people feel that saying “I Don’t Know” is admitting some kind of weakness. When the truth is, it’s completely the opposite.

There is such a power in saying, “I Don’t Know”. Mainly because that not knowing is only temporary. So is what we think we know. Who we think we are. How we think the World is. What we think of others. All these things are temporary. It’s really just that we can cling so strongly to our thoughts. And that clinging locks us into a way of thinking. But our thoughts are not always what’s true.

How I Know the Power of “I Don’t Know”:

When I was 14, my mother’s third husband wanted to adopt me. I didn’t know exactly what that meant. All I knew was that my last name changed on some legal documents, and I went from being Jessica Henry to being Jessica Young.

Then, while I was away at college, he and my mom divorced. 

Having been raised (basically) solo by my mom my whole life, I had the assumption things would go back to the way they were - meaning he would no longer be a part of my life. I had this assumption because my biological father was not a part of my life. He didn’t know how to be a dad to me or his two sons before me. It didn’t mean he was a bad man, and my mom always made sure that I knew this. The older I get, I have more forgiveness for the things he didn’t know and what that led him to miss out on. But this other guy...I really didn’t know what to do with what he was asking of me in wanting to continue to have a relationship and step into the role of being my father.

All of this went down before FaceTime. Before email. Even faxes were something only people in offices really had access to. So he would call me. He would call and leave voice mails, but I wouldn’t call him back. I didn’t know what I would say. That didn’t stop him from trying to communicate with me. I would get letters telling me to call him and that he still wanted to be my father. I didn’t know what that meant. He said that even though his relationship with my mother had changed, he still loved me and wanted to be in my life. I didn’t know what that would be like. I fought against him over and over for a few months, until finally he kept reaching out and I surrendered. I decided that even though I didn’t know what any of this meant or would be, I might as well give him a chance.

Life is an Unknown

There’s no road map for life. Of course we have examples all around. But what works for some doesn’t work for everyone. Just like Yoga. 

There are so many times on the mat when we don’t know. Each practice is an unknown. We might not know if we are capable of going into a particular pose. We often don’t know our own strength. And we don’t know all the possibilities and variations unless we keep going forward into the unknown. We can fight ourselves and the teacher in the process. But the fight becomes tiring and wears us down until we let go into the unknown.

I kept going into this unknown relationship with my father, and am forever grateful for the many lessons - too many to list - that he taught me. I don’t know what my life would have turned out like had I not allowed myself to let go of my expectations and allow this man to love me...and I’m glad he kept showing up so that I didn’t have to find out. 

The Unknown is Temporary

Looking back it’s easy to see how everything works out the way it’s meant to. It’s at that one moment when we recognize we are on the edge of the unknown that we have a choice; stay with what we know - which often means staying stuck in a past perception - or go into the unknown and learn something.