#its11pm

I know it's not actually 11pm, though it actually might be for some of you, but I want to tell you guys about a talk done by Mike Domitrz called "Can I Kiss You?" which emphasized the importance of asking for intimacy first. If any of you get the chance to see Mike talk, take it, because his talk makes the subject of sexual assault more approachable.

We all can agree that sexual assault is not okay and just plain shouldn't happen. Yet, at the same time, a lot of us miss opportunities to stop it. Sometimes we use excuses to explain way we didn't help someone, like "It was none of my business" or "I don't like confrontation."  These excuses are poppycock, because if you were being prayed upon by a creeper/predator you would want someone to help you, and honestly, everyone has confrontation in their lives.

Some of the ways you can help is by following these four steps:

1) Identify that something fishy is going down.

Taking notice that someone may not be in the best situation and are accompanied by someone who appears to be making plans to "get some" using some particularly questionable methods. These methods are usually alcohol or drugs.

2) Picture Someone You Love.

Doing this makes you connect to the situation. Picture someone you love being in the same situation. Would you stand to let someone treat them like that? Not on your life. This step answers the question of "Is it worth it to do something?" for you. Yes, it is.

3) Team up and check in.

When confronting a situation like this, you don't want to go alone if you don't have to, but when you do team up with your friends you need to make sure that you aren't getting overly hyped up about it. Checking in means exactly what it is, checking in. It isn't swooping in on your steed in your newly polished shining armor and saving the day, it's making sure everything is okay and seeing if that person knows where their friends are if their at a party and so on. 

4) Stay Calm and focused.

I believe this one is pretty self-explanatory.

Then there is the "Can I Kiss You?" element of the talk, which was asking for consent, even for something that a lot of us don't see as a serious act. Some people say, "Just go for it," when given the choice between the two, and that was the response of a ballroom full of college students tonight when asked that question. Many think that asking "Can I kiss you?" ruins the moment, incites rejection or is one of the most awkward things in the world. When in fact it could be a lot more awkward. You could indeed go for it and the person could still reject you and its more awkward because you didn't ask or you wait all night waiting for them to make a move and they're doing the same thing and the situation never arises in the first place. Then there are also way more awkward ways to phrase "can I kiss you?" like: "Can I put my mouth on your mouth so we can exchange saliva so we can find out if we are compatible mates?"

I know that no one would say that (at least I hope so), but you get the point. Asking someone if you can kiss them tells them that you are interested and that you care about them as a person.  It says a lot more than just going for it.

I personally have never been asked to be kissed. My past two boyfriends went for it. I am not saying that it's bad that they did, but it would have been nice if they did.

I'm going to end this post with reaching out. I know that a lot of bloggers here say this and that some of you may be disenchanted with sentiment, but I'm going to put it out there anyway. If you ever need to talk to someone, my ask box is always open. I don't publish any of the messages I receive without consent to. Anything you send me will be between the two of us, and isn't there some saying about how it's easier to talk to a stranger than it is to those closest to you? Sometimes telling some you you don't know can help you open up to those you love are are closest to.