#its so awk

After another double, the queens return to their flat exhausted. They love the show, the chance to tell their story, and the roar of the crowd but sometimes the 21st century begins to be a bit overwhelming. They each have their own coping mechanisms; Parr goes to her study, Catherine spends time with her bible, Cleves watches Ru Paul’s drag race in the living room, and Jane and Kat curl up together and read. While they all make the once-barren flat feel homey, Anne still feels out of place. She enjoys watching television with Anna but sometimes, she just needs to get away.

Away from that witty, snarky persona that she wears like a disguise. Sure, its fun to bicker and poke fun at the queens every once in awhile. But she feels that her role on stage, more than any of the others, follows her into the real world. She always feels pressure from the others to pull a prank or crack a joke, whether or not they really give her that expectation. Just like Kat, she was beheaded and just like Kat, she suffers from night terrors and panic attacks. She's just too afraid of what the queens will think of their confident, sarcastic, sassy if she can’t handle her past. Cleves always complimented the cute chocker that Anne insisted be part of her costume, unaware of the scars that lie underneath. Scars from months of waking up scratching and and pulling at her neck, making sure it was still intact. Anne needed an outlet for her trauma, a companion to always be by her side. 

Although she felt guilty about it, Anne couldn’t help but be jealous of Jane and Kat’s relationship. It seemed so natural, so easy, and Kat really seemed to be improving with the help of Jane and Parr. Although they were caring and kind toward the whole group, Kat was seen by everyone as the one to be pitied, the one who needed to be protected. Anne didn’t need to be protected (she could handle herself, thank you very much), but she wouldn’t mind being cuddled once in awhile, to wake up screaming in the night and have someone to reassure her that everything would be okay. Almost accidentally, she seemed to gravitate towards the mother and daughter pair, looking jealously on as the cozied up for a movie night together. And it wasn’t that they didn't invite her-they did of course-but it was clear that they wanted to be together. And Anne had made the mistake of overstaying her welcome once before, with catastrophic consequences. She knew when she was unwanted, so she retired to her room for another sleepless night.