#its morbid

people who havent done void quest/unukhalhais stuff making their wols be like "heres this voidsent pet ^-^ isnt it cute it follows my wol around" entirely unaware thats a whole person. like that was once somebodys mom. it makes me scream laughing

Kind of a little update or whatever about myself. I have a lot to say but I know for the most part it's all just a mess of uncontrollable emotions and mostly just thoughts of suicide. Had a dream last night about being in some weird raffle where if your name was selected from a jar, you would be killed for the good of the world. I was so scared, I thought I was ready for death but that threw me off so bad. I realized that it wasn't because I was scared of death it was because I was scared of not controlling how I went out. That I wasn't in control of my own life, In a weird way it gave me some clarity in my life. I’ve been struggling at home and with my work and trying to live a life worth living all while trying not to let the crippling loneliness and depression I feel from her departure. Shit... its been months but the wound is still bleeding, its not even the same wound though been inflicting my own every time I thought of you or wrote about you or just breathing at this point. Fuck, I'm sorry I know I'm like a child crying over spilled milk, I know she’s gone and fuck I know I have to move on and let go. Just look at me now, I’m writing about her at 12 in the fuckin night and I work at 5 in the morning. *sigh* I'm doing this to myself, because I tell myself I can’t be happy without her. I don't think that will change because her name is so embedded into my mind and soul that I softly hear myself breathing out her name in the cold of the morning. Just a small update on my life, I know its depressing and for that I apologize. Just like you might be saying to yourself, I hope things get better as well. In all honesty though, I hate winter but I hope I hear from you before the year ends... I know its dumb but a loving man can dream, so why cant I?

The best part about having a class with my friend is her mom is a mortician and whenever someone tells the teacher the room smells like death, my friend says, "Hey sorry, my mom brought my grandmother home"