On Mike Wheeler and Internalised Homophobia
I see jokes about how “I hate Mike Wheeler (he’s my favorite character)” and I laugh and I agree, but then I’m listening to ‘I love you’ by Billie Eilish and I’m thinking about Will confessing his feelings, and Mike knowing that nothing will ever be the same between them, because he will never be half as brave as Will. I’m thinking about Mike, who created Mike the Brave – the better, braver version of himself – but who now knows that that was always a fantasy. I’m thinking about Mike, who jumped off a cliff when he was twelve because if he didn’t, bullies would cut out one of his best friend’s teeth. I’m thinking about Mike, who never gave up hope that Will was out there, even with all the evidence stacked against him. I’m thinking about Mike, who stayed by Will’s side whilst he was possessed and in unimaginable amounts of pain. I’m thinking about Mike, who held Will’s unconscious body and watched as monsters tore a man apart just meters away, with only glass in between them. I’m thinking about Mike, who would do anything for his friends; for the people he loves. I’m thinking about Mike, who is so, so brave, except for when it comes to himself. I’m thinking about Mike writing letter after letter, and signing it, Love, Mike, completely by accident every time, and never sending a single one, because whenever he puts pen to paper his true feelings spill all over it like ink.
I’m thinking about Mike Wheeler, and all of a sudden I don’t hate him even a little bit.
"Maybe won't you take it back?
Say you were tryna make me laugh
And nothing has to change today
You didn't mean to say "I love you"
I love you
And I don't want to"
