#val rambles

i mean, look at it from baek saheon's perspective. he's grown up in this cult environment—one he hates more than anything—and he can't fully escape no matter what he does. even if he doesn't live there anymore, he still has to return for the festival.

we also know saheon to be an incredibly self-serving person with strong survival instincts. he doesn't do vulnerability.

and yet, he reaches out to the bureau for help. why? because he's scared. scared of dying. scared because saheon is the character with the most survival instincts in the cast, according to soleum, and he doesn't want to die. he's desperate.

and what response does he get? agent bronze telling him there's nothing they can do.

of course, i understand why bronze said this (and i also love him), but think about this from saheon's POV again. the one time he shows weakness, the one time he reaches out for help, it's shot down immediately.

for someone who already trusts nobody, and is untrusted by anyone either as a result, what does this reinforce in his mind? everything he already believes in. all of the unhealthy habits, all of the bad behavior, all of the repression and selfish instincts—it only reinforces them in his mind.

he does go on to try and sacrifice agent grapes directly after, but i don't think that mitigates the initial impact of that scene. seeing saheon so desperate was such a turning point for his character.

so, why does saheon like grapes so much?

short answer: grapes set him free.

long answer, well...

grapes is the opposite of the ideas saheon had reinforced. saheon doesn't believe anyone will help him, so he has to help himself, even if that means putting other people at risk. everyone is useless until he can make use of them himself.

but grapes did something. and for saheon? this is very most likely the first time that's happened.

grapes is a person who goes against all of the cynical views saheon already holds about the world.

even when saheon is selfish and tries to sacrifice him, grapes saves his life.