#it evolved

Feel Special: Fabian. The title track. He’s the Bad Kid’s leader, and he sets the tone. This song in particular was written for one of the members, Mina, who took leave due to her anxiety. This song and album was her return to the group and group activities. It is a love letter from TWICE to her. In that vein, this is the Bad Kids’ love letter to Fabian. He’s not just their leader, not just some rich kid they hang out with, not just the son of Bill Seacaster. He’s their friend, Fabian. “One moment I feel like I’m nothing at all/ Like no one would notice if I were gone/ But then when I hear you calling me/ I feel loved, I feel so special.”

Rainbow:  Gorgug. He’s struggled a lot with his rage and I feel like he has a lot of self-esteem issues. But we’ve seen how kind, considerate, and amazing he is! He’s the real opposite of what we expect a barbarian to be. But he’s started to grow into himself and started becoming who he wants to be, and not what people want of him. Drumming in Fig’s band, becoming an artificer, I don’t think Gorgug saw himself doing those things. But now that he’s allowing himself to be who he wants to be and just go for it, he’s showing all his colors.  “Open up a new road behind the clouds/ Walk in the wide skies where your path will unfold/ You can go anywhere, wherever you want/ You can go anywhere, wherever you want/ It’s not too late, you can get to the purple line” 

Get Loud: Adaine. When pushed, she’ll push back just as hard. There’s a lot of rage building up inside her. Overlooked; treated as the second; inferior to her sister and unsuitable in her parents’ eyes. Carving her own path, not being afraid to bare her teeth and raise a fist (or ladle) at anyone who dares cross on her on this path of her own making. Willing to defend her friends at any cost, supporting them and twisting fate in order to ensure their success. She’s been silent for long enough; you’re going to listen to her, or face her wrath. “I’ll pass the line in front of me at my feet (Get Loud)/ Stop with the dangerous jokes, or there’s going to be trouble/ In my eyes, it’s right at the edge/ If you take one step (Get Down)?/ It’s a very close call, this is really big trouble (Might Get-Get-Get Loud)”

Trick It: Fig. Honestly this song just gives me Fig vibes! I feel like this is a reflection of Fig before she starts dating Ayda and really starts to be herself. The idea that she has to “trick” Ayda into loving her, because the Real Fig is someone no one can love without there being some trickery involved. The way she first starts bonding and connecting with Ayda being disguise self induced shenanigans. Preparing to be misunderstood but hoping that Ayda will understand her regardless. “Good misunderstanding, bad misunderstanding/ I secretly prepared it/ My behavior is weird/ But I need you to understand it”

Love Foolish: Kristen. This song is about a toxic relationship--being in love with someone you shouldn’t be. The more Kristen learns about her God, the more she realizes that He isn’t who she thought she was. But, she still has that desire to serve a deity, to find divine answers to all the questions she has. The more she searches, the more doubt she has, but she still believes that Something, Someone, out there has the answers. And even if it's foolish, she’s going to try and find them. “Yeah, it’s true/The sweet ones were dangerous/I know I was a fool…I don’t know what’s going on, I can’t explain it/I’m trapped in a labyrinth of strange feelings”

21:29: Ragh. This is Twice’s love letter to their fans, and it’s Ragh’s to the Bad Kids. His whole life changed because of them! Ragh finished his schooling with them, graduated because of them, and is going on a soul searching journey with Tracker because of them. He was able to come out and accept himself because of their influence! I definitely think that Ragh and the Bad Kids are going to be friends for their entire lives, but even if they aren’t, they changed him. They made a profound impact on his life, and that’s not something you can forget or take back. “Even if it’s a dream, I like it/ Tomorrow, I’ll be there (This is for you)/ Even if you’re not/ That’s okay, I’ll remember you (You’re my dream)/ Little by little/ Our memories piled up/ I will always keep them/ As they were (This is for you)” 

Whenever I get stressed, there is always some type of silent mantra in my head.  “Slow down, take a breath, think of the rain.”  I always loved the rain and the sound of it on my bedroom window is probably one of the most soothing sounds I will ever know.  The feel of each drop landing on my skin is something that can calm me in almost any situation.  The look of the sky just before the water lets loose is a sight that will always captivate me.  The sound of thunder is so deeply satisfying, that I cannot despair.  So, when I’m panicked, stressed, anxious, or scared I stop, take a deep breath, and think of the rain.  

The manta has stayed with me for so long, I barely think about it.  However, the meaning changed sometime in the past year.  The words were the same but, for some reason, the meaning behind them started to evolve.  

“Stop, take a breath, think of the rain.”  

“Slow down, take a breath, think of the rain.”  

“Stop, take a breath, think of the rain.”  

“Slow down, take a breath, think of the rain.” 

 In the back of my mind, a voice whispered, “Think of the rain, or think of your rain?”

Somewhere along the way, the man I loved became more than just the man I gave my heart to, he became my safe space, my sanctuary, my peace.  He was the steady voice in my head reminding me to calm down and breathe. He was the one I thought of when I was angry, afraid, or overwhelmed.  Why?