Nobody invited me out to any sort of New Year's Eve party. Never even heard a word of what anyone was planning. I moved to this city about a year and a half ago and have been working at the same place since I got here. There's not a lot of people from work or the people I see in a lot of classes that I could list as "Yeah, they hate me". Maybe I think too much of people and just assume they think the same of me. I try to be a decent person. I don't think I'm a downer or a drag. Yeah, had a couple embarrassing nights that involved too much alcohol, but I'm 21 and I think I deserve a couple of those. I think people like me. But I guess there's no way of knowing what they say when I'm gone. I just don't know why no one, and this was through high school too, seems to remember me when it's time to go out and have a little fun. I don't need to be social 24/7, that would kill me. Plus I have way too many books to read. I just want to get invited out sometimes. Thought of. Considered worthy of their time and thought, once in a while. Sad thing is, I'm so scared of being a bother and looking needy I can't get myself to actually ask anyone of they have some kind of party going. Just make slightly passive aggressive tweets all night. This whole rant would to towards my best friend, but she is out of state with her family. She also has this lovely habit of never responding to my texts. I sent one earlier, saying how I was lonely and if she'd been here getting tipsy till midnight that would have been enough for me. Nothing from her. I still feel the need to wait till midnight. Still holding off putting on pjs on case someone remembers they forgot me. This shouldn't bug me so much. New Years was never a big thing for me. It's more that I thought I 'd have plans. Someone would make plans and it would involve me. Maybe none of the people I know from work are hanging out. They're all from here, have their own friends. It's likely they're all at separate parties. But I also know how long they've all known each other too. A lot of them long enough they could be together. More then just work friends. I thought, for a few of them, I might have become something seething like that. I'm trying to get my mind off of it. Move on from it because holding a grudge over parties I don't even know for sure happened doesn't make sense. So I'm going to go dance around my room to broadway show tunes. I'm not sure exactly how 2014 will be different, but I think this is the year I actually really going to try.
