#istandwithadamdriver

“Suppose one reads a story of filthy atrocities in the paper. Then suppose that something turns up suggesting that the story might not be quite true, or not quite so bad as it was made out. Is one's first feeling, 'Thank God, even they aren't quite so bad as that,' or is it a feeling of disappointment, and even a determination to cling to the first story for the sheer pleasure of thinking your enemies are as bad as possible? If it is the second then it is, I am afraid, the first step in a process which, if followed to the end, will make us into devils. You see, one is beginning to wish that black was a little blacker. If we give that wish its head, later on we shall wish to see grey as black, and then to see white itself as black. Finally we shall insist on seeing everything -- God and our friends and ourselves included -- as bad, and not be able to stop doing it: we shall be fixed for ever in a universe of pure hatred.”-- C.S. Lewis, Mere Christianity

I decided to keep quiet on The Affair of the Chair or Chairgate yesterday because I knew it would turn out to be a huge misunderstanding and it would be better to wait until my hunch is confirmed.  And alas it has been.  Instead of breathing a sigh of relief and learning a lesson about not jumping to conclusions too fast, some so-called Adam stans and Reylos aren’t backing down even with the actress in question clarifying that this was all about Adam accidentally bumping her with his chair while he was performing a scene, which annoyed her, not that he beat her with a chair or threw it at her or smashed it over her head.  Some of them were “demanding” he apologize.  What??

Maybe I’m an old fashioned but I thought if you’re a fan, you like that person and if an allegation against that person turns out to be false, you would be happy it’s false.  But there’s something really peculiar and quite wrong with the Judgy McJudgersons on Twitter and the more you think about it, the more disturbing it is.  It goes back to the Lewis quote at the top...people who want to or need to believe the worst about those they don’t like (and there’s a lot of that on social media) will eventually do the same to their friends, their family, the people they “stan,” and even themselves.  So here we are.

I’m nobody’s “stan.”  I don't blindly worship celebrities.  At my age I know that nobody’s perfect and people in the limelight are among the most imperfect and (ahem) complex people you will ever meet.  It’s wise not to put them on pedestals.

On the other hand, it’s also wise not to expect any other human being to live up to the fantasy you have of that person in your head, expecting that person to be perfect.  This isn’t a fair thing to do to anyone.

You know what else isn’t fair?  Automatically assuming the worst about that person the second you hear it, especially from dubious sources.  And not acknowledging you made a misjudgment when the truth comes to light.  I admit, I misjudged when I considered that at worst, Adam’s a big ol’ diva who doesn’t want people looking at him and throws hissy fits.  I don’t think that happened either.

What also disturbed me is how many misappropriated the language associated with rape or sexual abuse.  “Believe the victim” was not an appropriate application for this instance; Adam wasn’t accused of any such thing and I think it’s careless to the extreme to try to put someone on the same moral plane as a rapist or domestic abuser without knowing the whole story.  Take it from someone with experience in the system:  it’s a very serious thing to accuse someone of a crime.  But nothing is serious in the online world and that’s a problem.  People have tremendous power to utterly destroy lives without any consequence to themselves.

Had this actress not clarified her statements, this could’ve rapidly spun out of control.  Someone’s livelihood, marriage, career, and reputation could have been destroyed.  (Look up the sad saga of silent film star Fatty Arbuckle.)  This isn’t an abstraction or just another white man, this is a human being.  This is somebody’s dad.  This is someone who’s worked hard for what he has and what sucks about fame is other people are going to start talking crap about you, true or not.  He’s in a precarious position in Hollywood because there are lots of rivals who want what he’s got and he doesn’t tick off a lot of diversity boxes.  I get the feeling he’s well aware of that too.  But he’s got “fans” eager to take bread of his baby’s mouth so they can ride that high horse and collect the woke clout.