Hell yeah, another episode of: thinking too hard about the Space Nonsene of 9-1-1 on abc!
Let‘s talk about the docking port and the rest of the wonderful chaos!
I love that moment they realized the docking ports don’t match. „Uh Oh. I should have checked that before.“ THAT WAS COMEDY!… um, yeah??? As an aerospace engineer literally the first thing I ask?? Glad we are doing it 26min away from docking.
Okay, that‘s a lie. My actual first question was: Why would that space tourism capsule even have any docking port? What part of the mission profile requires docking? What are we planning to dock to?
Especially if it‘s a docking port that‘s not compatible to ISS. Thats even more funky.
Here’s why: The ISS has a 2 different kind of docking ports. Russian ones, that fits the Soyuz, Progress and European Cargo Vehicles and International Docking Ports largely used by the Americans but are designed to fit a wide variety of spacecraft. What on Earth kind of docking port does this space tourism spacecraft use? What are we hoping to dock to? Truly fascinating design decisions on this spacecraft.
Now let’s discuss that docking maneuver. First of all: that controller? WORST human-machine interface imaginable. Sliders on a touchscreen??? The guillotine for the engineer and his uber driver. Truly the Titanic Submersible of outer space.
Secondly- and now, this is only gonna stand out to me, specifically. But that’s why we are here. RANTING ABOUT EXTREMELY NICHE TOPICS
Okay, so. I just so happen to have worked as a flight instructor in an ISS docking simulator for a while. I know how to “ride that particular bike”. As such I did not appreciate the speed and the angle at which we approached ISS for docking. Slow is smooth and smooth is fast, guys!!! Fast flight maneuvers not only endanger the ISS structure but also lead to venting of more exhaust fumes. This compromises the environment outside of the ISS, which may impact the materials and/or science experiments. So, nuh uh! Bad! *wags finger* We don’t do that. There’s literally a distance dependent speed limit for a reason. If that astronaut guy had been my simulator student I sure as hell would’ve scolded him.
TO BE FAIR - He probably did not know any better. The ISS did not EXIST 50 years ago. He sure as hell would not have learned how to dock to a space station in his astronaut training. I quite frankly don’t know what kind of simulator our Apollo era Astronaut was talking about practicing in (Possibly meeting the LEM back up with the orbiting spacecraft? But that is simply not the same thing.).
But hey! Maybe he means that he plays that little Space X docking simulator game in his browser every day! You, my dear reader, without access to a full simulator, can try it too! Find it under this link.
Okay so now we tether over between spacecraft and station That’s not too bad of an idea. How convenient that the airlock is just… open? That’s them actually getting crazy lucky - but to the astronauts inside that’s an insane safety risk. If your inner door fails you have major depressurization in your station.
And as I told you last week: our 3 main space emergencies are 1) fire, 2) depressurization and 3) toxic spill!
So we make it over and now we are in the ISS (9-1-1 on abc’s version). Only… that… is not a very ISS looking ISS? First of all there’s sooo much space on that space station. The actual ISS is pretty stuffed with materials and cargo and science and cables and everything is everywhere. It’s some tight living quarters! Guess they cleaned up to receive their guests! Hooray!
The other thing is that the module walls are REALLY far apart in this version of the ISS. That’s no goodie because you’re in microgravity. Imagine getting stuck floating in the middle of the room because you literally cant reach any of the walls. Then you’ll have to call for you colleague to come rescue you. And that’s embarrassing! And what if your colleague’s stuck in the middle of another enormous module?
Also idk what part of the ISS we are in. If it’s the Russian part, the modules should be as big as the train tunnels between Moscow and Baikonur allow. Logistics! If it’s the US Segment then the size is limited by the Space Shuttle cargo bay. So not these big roomy modules.
Honestly, I was starting to think Athena was cursed. But honestly her and her crew have been having crazy luck all episode. What do you mean the ISS is still pressurized after all that damage from the space debris? She’s a lucky one!
Further remarks here!
1) ISS and NASA I assume do not operate with the same “oh big space storm? Let’s launch anyway” attitude. So why are our astronauts not safely in their lifeboat (capsule) ready to evacuate? We have space debris procedures! Which we had to use, for example when Russia unlawfully created dangerous space debris during an anti satellite technology demonstration. Use the procedures!
2) Why is there a dead astronaut fully suited up for EVA? Why on Earth in space would we be doing a spacewalk during a solar magnetic storm? Why? I repeat myself: Use the procedures! Get to your fucking lifeboats!
3) We’ve talked about the docking procedure in detail, yeah, yeah… But as your resident ISS docking instructor I must give one final remark. Whether you like it or not. You know what’s the hardest to dock to? A spinning ISS. You know what I expect after 3 collisions with space debris? A spinning ISS. Thank God, the laws of Physics work differently in the 9-1-1 universe, makes docking so much more convenient!
Things I did like and perceived as accurate:
- Karen coming up with new problem solving approaches over and over and over again. That’s a good aerospace engineer. Failure is Not an Option!
- running out of oxygen if you breath too fast. Hen should know about this. She’s a firefighter with the qualification to wear an O2 mask and everything. She knows how fast panic or strenuous physical activity can deplete reserves.
- rooting the ridiculous phone call system in reality by involving multiple ground stations and radio blackout zones. That’s how you do it, Karen! I love her.
Okay folks, thanks for coming to my TedTalk! Tune in again next week for “Expert in the field having an aneurysm because of how unrealistic the show gets”
Lots of Love and Reach for the Stars!
