#isomysanity

LOL- conversation Carlos and I had this morning about not doing laundry last week!❤️😂

I cannot even remember the last time I climbed out of bed, due to a restless over processed mind. It's like my brain is thinking of 100 different things and I cannot stop it. I am hoping this blog post, will somehow help categorize my thoughts so that I can start tackling them one at a time. It makes me think of the old library dewy decimal system. Everything in categories by alphabetical order. I know I am not alone with this struggle. Carlos has been very busy at work the past month. I try to remember he misses us as much as we miss him and I'm not the only person in this family with feelings. But it sucks and it is hard. I spend all of my time with my daughter and not that I am complaining. I am simply reiterating how important it is to have outside outlets away from home. I am in a personal game of tug of war. I have learned I LOVE being home with Natalia. There is no other place I would rather be. I just feel as if the two days a week we are getting out, does not quench my thirst for personal development and interactions outside of our home. I have always worked. I have always taken care of others. Even though I will always put Natalia first, I am starting to feel like I have put everyone else's oxygen masks on first and we all know, this is breaking the golden rule. I feel as if I am loosing myself. Like I am stuck in quick sand, being slowly sucked into an unknown world. I have reached a point where, I know being home with my daughter is the best decision for us. "Especially after watching the evening news, and yet another child was left in a daycare van. UMMM hello this is Florida people." No one is going to care for Natalia the way I do, it's just not a possibility. Only a mother would understand this statement. What I have learned in the past week and a half while being stuck in the house with my daughter very ill, is ..... I have no self discipline unless it is needed or warranted. What do I mean by this. I have 6 loads of laundry and my husband had to ask me to wash his underwear tonight. Snuggling with Nat and trying everything to make her feel better consumed me. I wasn't interested in doing the laundry. I think I only cooked three times last week, so my kitchen stayed clean. Nat wasn't playing often so, the living room stayed organized. The only real chores I had to complete, washing our sheets, maintaining the bathroom, sweeping the floors and caring for Natalia. I realize a more disciplined woman would have stuck to her schedule and somehow managed to get it all done. NOPE, not me. My philosophy... It will be there when she's better. Flip side When I am at my 9-5 job... I am all about time management, productivity, staying on task, and getting the job done before I walk out the door each evening. I have more time then needed on my hands, "yes even with a toddler" to overthink everything. "Just ask my husband, he will vouch for me" So I started thinking about what could be wrong, why is it I get off track so easily now. Then it hit me, square in the nose. " I have lost my self stimulation". Yes me! The crappy house wife, and excellent mother. Has forgotten who she is." "How did this happen?" What am I going to do?" "What is going to fill this void inside of me?" I really know myself believe it or not. It took me along time to get to a point of self evaluation and recognition. I know I want to return to work. I am 300% positive if I were to return to an out of the home job, it would have to be one hell of an offer, to even consider this option. Returning to work doesn't have to mean I leave the home. It means I have to find a way to satisfy my needs as a person and still have the ability to satisfy the needs of my family. Should I take a different career path and work part time in the evenings when Carlos is home? This is an entirely different blog post but I'll give you a little glimpse! I have separation anxiety leaving my daughter. We have not left her since June of this year, stay turned you know the post on this subject will be interesting!! Carlos and I are at a cross roads, for him it is financial freedom if I were to take a 9-5. For me it is finding something I love to do, or something that will fulfill this hole, while having the freedom of staying home and continuing with my main job. Raising Natalia. I have many ideas brewing nothing set in stone. Somehow after realizing what was wrong and acknowledging it, I have taken the first steps of getting back on track. There is a path out there for me, I just have to find the one that fits my everything!! P.s. Writing helped wear my brain out. I am sleepy and ready to crawl back into bed with my awesome husband.

Have you ever felt like you were caring a million pounds on your chest? Then that weight is lifted. Your overwhelmed with gratitude and relief. You think to yourself, "I knew it was there, but didn't realize how much it overtook me." This is how I felt this morning. Natalia has been very sick the past week. Sicker then she has ever been. It started with a little rash, that led to her whole body being engulfed by this terrible rash monster. She started running a high fever, and her lips were fluctuating from purple blue to pink. She saw a doctor every day this week to include a 5 hour emergency room visit, where they witnessed every symptom she had. Her fever wouldn't go down. The had no idea what was causing her to be so ill. For such a little person she is definitely a fighter. " pretty sure she gets that from grandma" She was poked and prodded and even had urine taken with a catheter . She had more medicine given to her then any little person should endure. Her pulse was high and she was miserable. I know for a fact if I was that sick, there is no way I would have handled it half as well as she has. Natalia saw her doctor on Friday. They still do not have a "diagnosis" for her illness, other the it is some sort of viral infection. They are hesitant to call it an amoxicillin allergic reaction, pretty sure it is not fifths disease. So they are going with a viral infection and possibly allergic reaction to the medicine. This week has been horrible. Natalia has been miserable. Itchy, irritable, not wanting to eat or drink. The worst part is she knows when she does not feel well, she can only verbally express her feelings with a few words. The most popular....OUCH. Which she is saying about everything now. Her doctor said on Friday he wanted to see her fever disappear within 48 hours. Today is Sunday. She went to bed last night running a fever and so far woke up today, the first time in 5 days with no fever. I know we are just about out of the woods. I can feel it. Never in my life, have I worried about another person as I have worried about her. There is nothing in this world more important then her well being. The fact that I couldn't fix this, scared me. Carlos is a practical thinker and I am obviously emotional. I wanted to punch him, when he would say, she will be fine. Like really dude. She is miserable, they can't figure it out and mommy is about to have a melt down. We love her and couldn't imagine life without her. My heart goes out to any parent that deals with a sick child. It's a lot easier said then done. Keep us in your thoughts, we still are going to take it slow. But baby girl is feeling better, playing with her toys, and running around. I am one happy relieved momma!!

Her not feeling good.😔 #fifthsdisease #isomysanity #loveisthemainingredient #mommyblogger #babygirl #restandrelaxation blog in profile.

It has been very nerve wracking in our home the past two days. Natalia woke up yesterday with a rash on her face and portions of her legs and arms. She had a scheduled doctors appointment to check her ear infection. "Thank goodness". Our doctor decided she was having an allergic reaction to the antibiotic, amoxicillin that was prescribed. We were told to give her Benadryl and stop the amoxicillin. The rash would clear up in a few days and she would just not be able to take medications in that drug family. She was miserable yesterday. Clingy, itchy, and very irritable. We spent our day snuggling, sleeping and taking oatmeal baths. When daddy got home, the rash had spread a tad more. We continued our evening relaxing while trying to make Nat Nat as comfortable as possible. We were convinced Natalia was allergic to amoxicillin. I am allergic to penicillin and had the same breakout when I was a baby. I mean what else could it be? Natalia woke up this morning with bright red cheeks. The rash had completely engulfed her whole body. She was running a low grade fever, and breathing harder then normal. I was a wreck. Unsure what was going on. She didn't want to drink and barely touched her breakfast. After speaking with the nurse at our doctors office, we had an appointment scheduled with a new doctor as ours was out for the day. We arrived at the doctor and of course everyone was looking at us with pity, she looked horrible and wasn't her usual bubbly smiley self. One of the nurses commented "she looks so serious today" The first thing the doctor said to me was "she has fifths disease" He must have seen the color drain from my face because he quickly took his phone out and said, " it's not that uncommon and she will be just fine". He showed me pictures of other children with fifths disease and gave me references to read up on the illness. He reassured me it was a viral infection and she would be uncomfortable because of the rash, but would not have any long term problems. After reading about fifths disease, and getting over my mini heart attack, I am starting to realize she is going to be ok. Never in my life have I had a feeling of such utter helplessness. My baby girl's skin is hot. She is miserable, itchy and uncomfortable. She just doesn't feel well. It is very hard to watch as I can only provide love, Benadryl, oat meal baths and snuggles to get her through this horrible time. It never occurred to me she could be contagious to Carlos and I. It never crossed my mind to even care. If she wants kisses and snuggles she is going to get kisses and snuggles. It's amazing how you look at another person with a rash and think "don't touch me". However with your own child, "come here baby, mama will love on you" The amount of love I have for Natalia is overwhelming at times. I get scared because I hope I am doing all that I can for her, excited to see who she will become, and hopeful I am doing it all right. She has taught me so much in her short amount of time here. The most important is to listen to my mommy gut instinct. Sometimes I doubt myself, but most of the time I know I am doing everything the way I'm suppose to. But when I am in doubt. I call grandma and our favorite aunt. It is scary to think, we take our children to the doctor and with one little medicine it can cause a ripple effect and they can get worse, or better. We tend to think our doctors are God and can fix anything and everything. I will never diagnosis Natalia, because I didn't attend medical school. I will however continue to educate myself, ask questions and always listen to my gut instincts. My lil baby girl is at the age where she can tell me if something hurts, she shows emotions and knows when something isn't right. This is the hardest hurdle we have jumped and I just want her to feel better. She is our little angel and we love her to infinity and beyond. I'm sure our next few days will be slow and unproductive. The only thing that matters is this small miracle snuggled up beside me, getting rest and feeling better.

How many times have you walked past a stroller or a wagon and seen a child not strapped in by the provided safety belt? Have you ever stopped and thought why is that child not strapped in? I am a firm believer.....if the product provides a safety belt, it is for a reason. "TO USE IT" Ride on toys, have many different features from mimicking the look of a very cool Pink jeep to a John Deere tractor. Whatever you choose for you child to be interested in you are bound to find it. When you are about to purchase one of these amazing toys, do you think to yourself. What are the Safety features? Is this an age appropriate toy? Speaking to many people I know. The answer has been "no". The majority of consumers are purchasing these very cool toys for the way they look. How fun they will be. When you are standing in the store and the box states age 2 or 10lbs. What it doesn't say is, every child is different. Ask yourself, does the child have the coordination and balance to safety play with this toy. Parents and caregivers, it is our responsibility to provide our children with safe age appropriate toys. As a parent, I have not reached that milestone, where Natalia knows what she has received. I have been able to take items away, without hurting her feelings. Put them up until she reaches the age, where it is safe for her to use. I know the time is coming very quickly, when this will be more of a screaming battle then a happy time. Parenting is not easy. There are subjects I will bend on. However as many of you know. I am a safety freak. It has taken me more years then I care to admit, to become this type of thinker. When Natalia reaches the age where she is making decisions for herself, it is important for me to know I have already instilled this type of thinking in her and she thinks before she acts, in all situations she faces. I never in my life have worried about so many small things. I look at a situation and a series of events good and bad quickly runs through my mind. It allows me to decide which path I'm going to allow her to take. Choosing her safety has been a no brainier for me. I am confident, even if she is a risk taker, she will always have that little voice in the back of her head " remember when mom said, we have to do it this way, because we want to stay safe" We will continue to educate her, help her grow and always will use provided safety belts.

What a fantastic weekend. Who would've ever thought we would spend a few days in OHIO...... Columbus is a beautiful city. The ambiance is spectacular. The streets are clean and the people are friendly. The weather was beyond perfect and a much needed break from our hot humid weather here in Florida. We enjoyed sight seeing and witnessing how others live in different parts of our country. Life is a tad slower there and the town seemed to empty out on the weekend. It was quite interesting to watch. Saturday and Sunday the traffic was very minimal, Monday morning it was unbearable. It makes me wonder what all those people were doing during the weekend. The city itself was nice. The suburbs were very interesting. The architecture of the housing and different communities was perfect. You might find yourself in an older part of the metro in a quaint German town setting sipping coffee from a local coffee shop, then traveling to an artsy district in downtown, where the mood is electric and free. After a 15 min car ride your sipping a beer in a Dublin, Ohio Irish pub, with a view of the river while people watching and relaxing. Columbus was a very cool experience for us all. It taught us to appreciate one another, slow down and enjoy others surroundings as well as our own. Natalia did fantastic exploring, flying, site seeing and relaxing. She is completely worn out and is still snoring away. All in all, visiting Ohio, was a much needed getaway for our family. We are thankful for the experience. Now back to reality and of course sorting and washing the laundry.