#is this sorta a hc...

digging into the past.   /   @involuntaryspy​

1: how well do you get along with your parents?

vivid imagery sparks within the brain the second the question is asked. he remembers the dull colours of the cramped apartment with little to no decoration. he recalls his torn shoes and socks and the pants that were always oversized–– the patches sewn back on by his mother because they couldn’t afford anything new, not for at least another month. he’s shaped by these experiences as a young child, the knowledge of being thankful for what he does have, and not dreaming too much about what he would like to have.

“ when they were still alive–– with my ma? fantastic. a real force of nature. taught me everything i know today. or, well, almost everything, anyway. ”  she told him to never stay down–– to always get back up. those are words he abides by to this day, a way to keep her memory, her spirit, alive within himself. i can’t forget her. sarah rogers. my ma.  “ my father? it’s... complicated, i guess. ”  on the other hand... he doesn’t remember as much of his father. he’d died from the influenza when steve had been a lot younger, and the things he does remember aren’t particularly pleasant memories, either. he’d been happy once, he remembers that, but according to sarah at the time, he’d... changed after returning back from the war.

( i understand that now, he thinks. )

a hand rubs at the back of his neck, and despite the old anxiety that rises thinking about his childhood, he smiles, nonetheless. if anything, there’s nothing he can do about the past and his feelings.  “ with him, before the first war, we’d been somewhat close. as close as a three year old could be with his dad, anyway. it all changed after the war, and then he’d died–– god rest his soul–– and i... can’t say much else. ”  he doesn’t speak of the times his hands raised, the loud voices, the broken bottles. no, it’s all something he wants to keep in the past.

30: name one positive change and one negative change you've undergone in the past ten years.

" to be fair, i’ve only been awake for the past... four years, so i guess being defrosted and waking up was a positive change. does that count, or is that cheating? you know what, i think it counts. ”  he’s playing the easy way out, and, well, it’s the only answer he can really give that won’t cause potential concerns. he’s learning to move on, to progress forward, and to live in the moment, but he can’t say that he doesn’t occasionally get stuck thinking about the past and all the ‘what could’ve happened’ moments.  “ as for a negative change? my lack of sleep. though, with all due respect, i slept for seventy years, so i’m sure i’ve slept enough for my lifetime. ”  way to skirt around the edges of the question, rogers.

39: list three words you would use to describe your younger self and three words to describe yourself now.