#irisreads

picked up Body Work by Melissa Febos today, and am already in love with it. her style is everything i want to be, everything i want to read. it’s conversational but she holds the reins, open but authoritative. it’s an anchor, a deep dive into how to cope with the peeling of the skin, the blisters of personal narrative, and i’m just so excited to get further in it.

after writing my deconstruction of out- i don’t think i dislike it as much as i initially did. i get what Kirino was going for. she could have done it better in my honest opinion as themes and character goals got extremely muddy and twisted in the final stretch, and pacing felt like Kirino had to shave off 25k from her final manuscript--and maybe she did. I don’t know her process/what she had to do to get it published 24 years ago. i’d be interested to see what her first draft looked like. what her initial vision was for Masako and Satake...

Every time I think about the ending of Out I get pissed. Not like good angry. Like actually “wtf was Kirino thinking” angry. It wasn’t clever it wasn’t a wrap up/a call back. It was two characters that were foreign to the reader despite them being around since page 1. Ghosts of who we thought they were. They suddenly both had aspirations that were fresh and strange for them. It felt so off for them to do the things they did and it butchered who they were established to be. I’m fine with a shift in goals that’s pushed by plot but these people and their desires came from absolutely nothing. It’s as if Kirino got 80% of the way through writing Out and decided to change the themes and colors and tones and it just doesn’t add up. It doesn’t make a cohesive and healthy story. I’m just mad because I loved it so much up until the final part.

Why did Kirino take that direction with Satake and Masako.... like i’m so... i need to call her. i need to email her. i need to know what made her write the things she wrote.

just finished Out and wtf...